


This War of Mine

by PeakyFookinBlinders (Sherlocked729)



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Alfie Solomons Really Trying To Be Bros with Tommy, Alfie Solomons is in this, Anti-Prostitution, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Blood, Broken Hearts, Brothers Hurting Brothers, Canon-Typical Violence, Comfort/Angst, Consensual and Non-Consensual Touching, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Esme and the kids are still staying with the Shelby clan, Explicit Languge, F/M, Has S1 elements with Lizzie, Loneliness, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Racism, Period-Typical Sexism, Period-Typical Violence Against Women, Prostitution, S1 and 2 Homes, S4 Finn, Smoking, Sort of made up my own gang drama, Thomas Shelby being Thomas Shelby, Violence, some ptsd
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2020-11-22 11:08:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 48,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20873204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sherlocked729/pseuds/PeakyFookinBlinders
Summary: Lizzie Stark is more than just a prostitute in Birmingham. She's in love with Thomas Shelby, and just wants to feel loved and protected, just like any other woman. She wants to take away his nightmares, his pain, his agony that he hides. Most of all, she wants to be there with him to ride out the storm of enemies he has, and help him fight all of them off.  -- ON A TEMP HIATUS! THIS FIC WILL BE CONTINUED LATER ON THIS  YEAR.





	1. whore

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Peaky Blinders fanfic! Try and go easy on me please. If something triggers you that I haven't tagged, let me know in the comments and I'll make sure to tag it.

**. . .**

“Just one time, I wish you wouldn’t pay me…”

She looked at Tommy almost pleadingly who gave a halfhearted shrug before he walked out of his office, leaving Lizzie Stark alone again in the office to catch her breath.

She meant it. She wished just for his company, just to share cigarettes with him and talk about the morning. Lizzie appreciated the money since it helped her to eat and live and cope, but she yearned for someone to lay beside after a good shag and feel safe and protected.

That’s what Thomas Shelby made her feel: safe and protected.

She’s experienced her share of violent men, of course, and experienced her share of bruises from drunken men, but Lizzie had been able to deal with them. She stuffed the money into her corset and grabbed he purse before she decided to go to the market and buy fresh bread that she could bring back to her small flat near the Garrison to have for tea.

She knew Thomas’ business and wanted to stay out of it as much as she could so the other Shelby brothers wouldn’t be upset at Tommy for sharing information with her. She told him that she would accept the job as his secretary but he hadn’t actually given her any tasks yet to write for him, and only paid her for her other services to him.

She had to make a living and get by still.

Lizzie spend the rest of the morning and afternoon walking around Birmingham, looking for lonely men who also wanted to share her company. She only found a couple, and by the time she grabbed the bread from the market, she was exhausted and sore; the last customer she had was more than overzealous with her.

She half-limped back to her flat but when she arrived at the door, she saw a familiar face.

“Lizzie, Lizzie… I heard you’ve been busy,” Thomas Shelby remarked with a cigarette between his lips.

She sighed in frustration as she opened the door to let both of them inside. She heard him close the door behind her and didn’t say anything until they had walked up the stairs and reached her small, but cozy living room.

“Do you have your men everywhere in Birmingham, Tommy? You have them spying on me now?”

She glanced over to see an almost disappointed look on his face as she poured the two of them some Irish whiskey in small tumblers and handed one to him before she sat down across from him, wincing slightly.

“Only for safety precautions. Are you in pain?” He asked, concern laced in his voice now as he looked her up and down. “Did I hurt you?”

She shook her head and cursed herself for drawing attention to herself. She lit a cigarette before taking a drag, the bread long forgotten now. Lizzie exhaled before biting her lip.

Thomas leaned in and searched her face for answers. “Talk to me, Lizzie. Did someone hurt you?”

His protectiveness touched her more than she cared to admit. She felt silly for feeling so attached to him emotionally as she found herself yearning for him physically.

“I’m fine, Tommy, really.”

He didn’t look convinced but he sighed softly and leaned back again before taking a drink of the whiskey. “I took you on as my secretary so you could stop all that nonsense, Lizzie… so you could make an honest living.”

Lizzie had to fight back a laugh. Instead, she took another drag of her cigarette. “You took me on as your secretary so you shag me whenever you wanted.”

“That’s not true.”

“Are you sure?” She challenged now. “Because you haven’t had me write a damn thing yet! Every time I go to work there, I find myself either against the desk or on my back!”

Tommy finished his drink before helping himself to another quarter drop. He didn’t say anything for several moments and Lizzie was questioning if the Shelby man had heard her at all until he finally did speak.

“You’re still my secretary. We don’t have to sleep together, Lizzie. This is more than a one way street, you know,” Tommy knocked the ash from his cigarette off into a nearby ashtray. “We can stop this if you want. I just thought you were enjoying yourself as well.”

Lizzie looked down at her glass. He was right; this was consensual as much as it could possibly be. It wasn’t just because he was a powerful Shelby and he always got what he wanted. It was more than that for her. She _wanted_ him to feel good, and he made sure she felt good as well, which was more than she could say about her customers.

“I am,” she confessed quietly. “I just wish you were paying me as your secretary and not your whore.”

He gave another heavy sigh and finished the drink before looked across the table to her with tired eyes. “I’m not sure what you want from me. You know our arrangement, yes?”

Lizzie poured herself another glass and drank it quickly, wishing she could forget. “I don’t see why we can’t be together. We used to be so close, and… I don’t know what happened.”

“A lot of things happened,” he stated, matter-of-factly. “People died, people lied, and people were killed. Everything I do, I do for my family, Lizzie… you know that. If they knew that we were together, then they would definitely not be happy about that, and it could threaten our business and reputation in this city.”

“Because I’m… a whore,” she finished for him.

He looked hesitant at first but then nodded. “Because you’re a whore.”

She willed the floor to open up and swallow her in this moment. She would have given everything not to hear those words come out of his mouth, but knew it was too late to unhear it now. Lizzie felt angry tears in her eyes.

“Stay the night,” she whispered, almost in a begging tone.

“I can’t,” he said simply. “You know I can’t.” He scratched his temple distractedly and put his cigarette out.

“Then just stay for a couple hours.”

He sighed again, but gave a nod. He reached out and gently grabbed her hand, caressing it almost tenderly. Lizzie stood up and undressed down to nothing before she straddled his lap and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, kissing his lips.

She felt her heart swell with love as she felt him kiss her back as she helped him undress. He stood up and helped her into the bed, their bodies dancing familiarly with each other, colliding like waves crashing against rocks until they shared several minutes of euphoria where they were together, sharing pleasure and rocking in respective ecstasies.

When they were lying side by side with each other, sharing a cigarette, she breathed him in. He had his muscular arm around her almost protectively and she buried her face into his shoulder, closing her eyes as she felt peace overwhelm her.

This was what she dreamed of with him, these types of moments.

As if they were a couple that could be seen together. She dreamed of being so close to him night after night, knowing that he was protecting _her_. Lizzie didn’t mind that he had to protect his family, but she just wished that he could come home to her every night instead of wherever else he was going.

They didn’t talk about that, and she didn’t ask. A part of her didn’t want to know; it was just better that way.

He seemed completely relaxed as well until he suddenly rolled out of bed and started to get dressed again. Lizzie felt cold again as the emptiness began to swim inside her once more.

“You don’t have to leave yet.”

“Yes, I do,” he corrected in his gravelly voice, straightening out his clothes. “I’ll see you tomorrow first thing.”

She sat up and saw him get his wallet out and she gave him a stern look. “Don’t you dare give me money, Thomas Shelby.”

His face looked almost vacant, as if he was going through the motions, but his eyes were soft as he took out two bills and set it on the bed. “Why not? You’re my whore, aren’t you?”

There was a teasing undertone to his voice now but she felt frustrated beyond belief. He waited until she reluctantly took the money and pocketed it inside a drawer.

“That’s why I give you money, Lizzie… because you’ll always take it.”

She swallowed hard and shook her head, hating herself. “If I never took your money, Tommy, I’d be living on the street with an empty stomach.”

Thomas finished getting dressed and then fixed his hair before he turned to look at her. “You should learn to trust me. You really think I’d let you live out there, with naught in your belly? If you think that, then you don’t know me at all, Lizzie. I could take care of you.”

She searched his face, wondering if any of what he said was true. _Would he actually take care of her?_

“I do trust you, Tommy.”

He gave a humorless smile and put his hat on. He walked over to her and kissed her lips softly, making her heart skip a beat. “Goodnight, Lizzie. Sleep well now.”

“Thank you. You as well.” She watched him walk towards the door and cast one more look back at her before leaving.

She soon found herself alone again with her thoughts of him and her desires. She lay in the place where he had been moments ago and hugged the sheets close to her before she closed her eyes and breathed in his scent on the pillow he had placed his head on.

She decided she would stop taking money from him.

Lizzie Stark would put her trust in Thomas Shelby. She just hoped that he wouldn’t let her down.


	2. safe

**. . .**

Lizzie woke up the next morning, chilled from the cool draft in her flat. She felt a rumble in her stomach as she remembered that she hadn’t actually eaten any of the bread she had bought yesterday on her way home.

She got dressed in a long, maroon colored dressed with her heeled boots and walked over to where the bread lay. She buttered some and took a bite, finding relief in her hunger. Of course, she hungered for more than just food nowadays.

She hungered for love.

Lizzie finished the bread quickly and grabbed her purse before starting towards where the Shelby operated their betting practices. It was chilly outside as it threatened to rain so she walked quickly but suddenly felt herself get pulled in between buildings and felt a grimy hand cover her mouth before she felt a man hold her against him as another one started to run his hand up her dress.

She whimpered against his hand and tried to fight against both men. She felt the one bring his hand back and cut her with the knife he had in his hand, and felt pain reach her cheek as a warm substance ran down her face.

_If she could just yell loud enough, someone would hear her and come to her rescue._

She felt the same grimy hands trying to pull down her underwear and grab her. She bit her attacker’s hand that was holding her and suddenly screamed as loud as she could.

“HELP ME! PLEASE! RAPE!”

She prayed someone would come to her rescue but instead she was met with a hard slap and the one man let go of her, letting her head hit the wall, instantly causing her dizziness and pain before falling to the ground.

She coughed and when she came to again, she felt her body be turned over roughly as someone hiked her dress up. Lizzie fought again, but she was in too much pain. Luckily, it was that time her prayers were answered and she heard a couple voices behind her.

“You bloody cunt!”

“Come ‘ere!”

Then strong hands helped lift her up onto her feet and then a familiar voice. “You’re all right, now. They’ll take care of these men. Let’s go inside, yes?”

She let Tommy lead her towards the door of the betting building but turned her head just in time to see Arthur Shelby whipping his hat at her main attacker while John was kicking the other man who had been trying to keep her quiet.

There was no doubt that they were only doing those things on Thomas’ orders; Lizzie doubted the two brothers would’ve done it for her if he wasn’t there. She barely registered it when Tommy helped sit her down at the table on the first floor and started to examine her face.

“Doesn’t look too bad… Esme!”

Lizzie flinched as he called for John’s wife who came around quickly, her eyes widening when she saw the cut on her cheek.

“What the hell happened here, then?” Esme questioned curiously. “Where’s John?”

Tommy walked away temporarily before coming back with the cleaning cloth he could find before he started to clean Lizzie up. “He’s out taking care of what caused this here. We were by the doors about to open when we heard Lizzie cry out rape. You know how to stitch, Esme, is that right?”

“Jesus Christ,” she cursed, trying to understand the situation. “I suppose, yes. What does that have to do with anything though?”

He glanced up at her. “That’s a decent sized hole in her face, Esme. We need to stop the bleeding and cover it to make sure it doesn’t get infected. Stitch her up as you would your blouses.”

Lizzie was slightly surprised at the order. She didn’t expect Tommy to show so much concern over her medically in front of his own family, and knew what a risk it was that he was taking in the first place doing so. Seeing that look on Esme’s face, a part of Lizzie thought about running back outside and going back to her flat, but she felt too dizzy still.

Esme’s brows rose in disbelief. “You’re joking, Thomas… I’m no doctor.”

Thomas whipped around angrily now, obviously out of patience and turned on the young woman. “Stitch her up, Esme!” he shouted. “Now!”

She jumped slightly at his yelling but obeyed, hurrying off to grab the needle and thread. Thomas shook his head and walked out to the bar before soon coming back with a bottle of whiskey in his hands and sat down beside her as he started to sanitize the wound.

“What in devil’s name is all this noise?” came the familiar scolding voice of Aunt Polly who stopped in her tracks when she saw the scene before her. “Oh Christ, Tommy… what the hell’s going on now?”

Lizzie watched as only Tommy’s eyes lifted to see the older woman. “Not now, Pol,” he ordered. “Some men attacked her. We’re going to fix her up. Do you take issue with that?” He asked her almost challengingly.

“‘We’?” Who’s ‘we’?” Then she saw Esme hurrying back to Lizzie and sit down on one side of her, threading the needle. “You’re going to stitch her up like a curtain now, Tommy?”

“Of course I’m not. Esme is.”

Aunt Polly gave him a stern look. “Don’t get smart with me. You knew damn well what I meant! Where did Arthur and John run off to?”

Thomas Shelby set his hat down on the table and then lit a cigarette before taking a drag. “They went to take care of the problem. My orders.”

“Thomas…” she said in a warning voice before glancing over at Esme and Lizzie, and then looking back at him. “I don’t want to do this in front of them. Let’s talk in private.”

“No,” Tommy shook his head. “Go ahead and talk, Pol.”

“Fine,” Aunt Polly huffed. “Why are you doing this for a whore, Thomas? You wouldn’t send your men in the street to protect the sanctity of a whore. So why are you doing it for _her_? Tell me that.”

Thomas stood up now and glanced at Lizzie as she whimpered when Esme put the needle through her skin before looking back at Aunt Polly.

“Because… she’s not a whore,” he said simply. “She’s my secretary, and as we’re trusting her with such delicate issues, she’s also a part of this family. We protect family, don’t we?”

Esme and Lizzie both looked at Aunt Polly who set her jaw and exhaled sharply, frustrated that she couldn’t argue with Thomas, or go against him either. She shot daggers at Lizzie instead before disappearing from the room just as John and Arthur both came inside, blood flecked lightly on their faces and staining their hands.

Thomas looked between them. “Is the problem taken care of, brothers?”

“Ay,” Arthur nodded, looking self-satisfied. “It’s taken care of. I doubt he’ll be attackin’ any more women anymore.”

John gave a small chuckle and a nod in agreement.

“Good,” Tommy looked at them almost proudly. “Go clean yourselves up now. We’re about to open the betting shortly.

He watched as both his brothers walked out to wash up and then walked back over to Esme and Lizzie, watching the young woman work with skillful fingers. He remained quiet until she was finished and excused her, telling her to take the bloody materials with her, and then looked at Lizzie.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?”

Lizzie shook her head, searching his dark, tired eyes. “You shouldn’t have done that, any of it. Now your family will be suspicious and just hate me even more.”

“Let them,” Thomas shrugged. “It does not matter, Lizzie. Now… if you’re not hurt anywhere else, go on upstairs and get to work. There’s a letter I wish for you to write up and send for me. Do you feel up to doing that?”

Lizzie nodded, despite how dizzy she still felt. She didn’t want to let Tommy down, not after what he had just done for her. He watched his eyes dart around the room before he leaned down and suddenly planted a gentle kiss on her forehead and then walk away from her to get the room ready.

She shivered from his affection but smiled to herself before she slowly stood up and started up the stairs.

**…………. .. ……...**

The letter that Tommy wanted her to write was to a man’s name that she recognized. Lizzie knew what Tommy probably wanted from him as well.

The man was a customer that she had slept with for money. He sold guns under the table to anyone who was interested and unlimited ammunition. She felt her heart racing in her chest at the thought of the boys obtaining more guns with the possibility of unlimited ammo, and not in a good way.

It scared her, the thought of any member of this family being hurt by these weapons. It was at that moment when she saw Thomas enter the office where she was typing. He closed the door behind him.

“Still feeling all right?”

She gave a short nod, since it was the truth, and then she put her serious face on.

“Tommy, what are you doing getting into deals with guns and ammunition? Do you realize how dangerous that is?”

He sighed, as if he had been expecting this conversation but walked over and sat down in the chair in front of her desk. He took a long drag of his cigarette and then held the cigarette between his fingers.

“Times are getting tough, Lizzie. Which side would you prefer to have the guns, ours or theirs?”

She knew that ‘theirs’ would include every person that wasn’t the Shelby’s or the Lee’s. It was an easy question with an even easier answer. “Ours.”

“Precisely. I have brothers, sisters cousins, aunts… that I need to protect. Family. You know that I would do anything I had to in order to protect them, and that includes having more guns and ammunition than our enemies,” he explained before taking another drag and exhaling.

She would be thick not to be able to understand this, and a part of her cursed herself for feeling so upset it in the first place. There was still one thing bugging her about it, however.

“Their guns could just come in here and blow us all to hell as easily as yours could to them. What’s stopping them from coming in here shooting?”

Something touched Thomas’ eyes now. Fear, maybe? She couldn’t be sure. He scratched his jaw with the hand that held his cigarette. “You’re right, Lizzie. That could happen, but… I would still do everything in my power to stop that from happening. If something like that did happen, then it would be war on our enemies.”

She nodded now, not doubting any of it. She looked at the beginning of the letter she had typed, about a quarter of what Tommy wanted her to write altogether.

“What about me? Am I included in any of the people you’d like to protect? Or am I just –"

“– my whore?” He finished for her questioningly.

She sighed but gave a small smirk. “I was going to say, your secretary.”

He gave a slight smirk as well before taking another drag, finishing the cigarette off and exhaled, putting it out in the ashtray. He leaned back before taking off his hat and dumping it on the desk. “We have a complicated history, Lizzie… but you helped me after I came back from the war, and I truly believe I would be dead if not for you. I was lost, and you helped me find my head again. I include you as my family, people that I love. Of course I would protect you. I figured what happened earlier to you would have proved that enough to you.”

Lizzie couldn’t help the smile that had appeared on her face now but she didn’t hold too much hope about his version of love. He had mentioned he considered her family, so maybe it was just a fondness he had for her, and of course the sex.

Her smile faded slightly, but not by much. Just hearing him say these words made her heart skip. “I’m sorry for doubting you, Tommy,” he gave a smile and waved his hand dismissively and she watched as he rubbed his eyes. “Didn’t sleep well last night?”

“No. I mean, I slept all right, but… it’s just my Aunt Pol. There’s enough going on and she wants nothing more than for me to throw you out onto the streets,” he replied.

Lizzie typed two words onto the typewriter before she looked back at him. “What did you tell her?”

“I told her you’re my secretary, and no one can fire you but me. I know it’s been chaotic lately, but I don’t need women questioning what we’re doing. Everything we do –"

“ – is to protect us,” Lizzie finished this time for him.

Tommy nodded again and leaned back in his chair. “Can I come by tonight? Sleep over at your place?”

Lizzie was surprised he was even asking permission. Thomas Shelby never asked permission from anyone for anything. That wasn’t the only thing that surprised her, though.

“I don’t even know where to start with any of that. Firstly, you want to sleep over at my flat? As in, actually stay the entire night without leaving?”

Tommy nodded again but now looked as if he were second guessing himself. “Yes, Lizzie. I would like to stay the night, unless business comes up.”

She nodded, taking this in. The idea of having Thomas Shelby in her bed for the whole night excited her, and not just for sex. It was a lot more than that for her.

It was protection.

It was comfort, and meant she wouldn’t wake up alone this time.

“Don’t get me wrong, Tommy; I’d love for you to stay the night at my place, but I wasn’t aware that I actually had a choice. You never give anyone a choice. I don’t think I’ve ever actually heard you ask for permission to do anything.”

He chuckled a bit, smirking again as he grabbed his hat and stood up now.

“Of course you have a choice, Lizzie. What, you think I’ll have you knocked off if you tell me no? Give me a little more credit than that. If I did that, I wouldn’t be any better than those tossers that tried to rape you outside earlier this morning. I’ll always give you a choice, Lizzie,”

She smiled and nodded, watching him head towards the door before he turned back to look at her.

“Finish that letter, mail it out, and then go see Esme to change your dressings so they don’t get infected.”

Lizzie searched his face, feeling touched at his caring tone. “Is that an order, Mr. Shelby?”

He gave her a half smile before he put his business face on again and nodded before he fixed his collar on his coat. “Yes, Lizzie. It is.” With that, he disappeared out of sight.

She started to type again, this time not stopping until she finished and folded it. She slipped it into an envelope and addressed it with the address Tommy had put on the copy he had written. Lizzie stood up and walked down the stairs to head outside when she heard footsteps walking behind her. She glanced around and stopped, seeing a familiar Peaky Blinder behind her.

“What are you doing then, Finn?”

He didn’t waver. “Tommy said to keep an eye on ye, to make sure you’re safe. It’s on his orders to protect you and make sure you get back safe.”

Lizzie liked Finn. He was young and not as hard as his brothers, but he could still prove himself to be intimidating and dangerous when it came down to it. She smiled and nodded. “All right, then. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

She started walking to the post office with Finn looming close behind her. She had to admit; she liked having the extra muscle to watch over her, even if it wasn’t Tommy himself. After this morning’s events, she appreciated it more than anyone could comprehend.

Lizzie questioned things in the Shelby business, and as much as some of it even scared her sometime, she felt like she could get eventually get used to all of it: the danger, the guns, the blood, the close calls, the fighting within the family, the money.

She felt like this was the family she wanted to be in, and the only one she felt the safest in.


	3. fix me

**. . .**

Lizzie made a simple dinner for Thomas and her but as she ate, she watched as he just took out a cigarette and lit it instead before taking a drag from it, his food going uneaten and getting colder by the minute.

“If… you’d rather have something else, I’ll make it for you,” she offered quietly.

He shook his head and looked almost apologetically at her, his eyes glancing at the fresh bandage on her cheek. She didn’t miss the flash of guilt in his dark eyes, and knew what this was. He was having another bad night, like he’s had since he came back from the war.

“No,” he replied softly. “It looks delicious, truly it does, but… I’m just not hungry. If you are, though, don’t let me stop you.”

She was hungry, but she felt awkward eating when he wasn’t. Anyway, seeing his dark evenings in mental turmoil made her lose her appetite. She shook her head and stood up before taking care of both of their plates. When she got back to him, he was halfway through his cigarette and looking down.

“Is it another Black Day?” She asked, almost knowingly. That’s what he had called them on the nights whenever he cried, had night terrors, or was generally solemn.

Since he came home, he had coined these days as his Black Days because he felt like he fell into a deep, black hole in the ground somewhere and tried and tried but couldn’t claw his way out by himself. She found herself calling those days by the same name as well.

He gave a short nod and if Lizzie hadn’t been watching him, she would’ve missed it. He took another drag before he finally looked up at her, meeting her emerald eyes.

“Aye, it is. I need you to do me a favor and fix me, Lizzie… I don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

She walked over to him and gently grabbed his hand before helping him stand up and led him towards the bed. He had already taken off his jacket and chest by the time they had made it to the bedpost. She reached up and started to unbutton his dress shirt.

When she had finished, she kissed his chest and then felt his hands cup her face gently before he started to kiss her passionately. He wasted no time in taking both their clothes off completely until they were both naked together on the bed.

As they kissed and touched and rolled around on the bed, she could feel the warmness of his tears rolling down his face, but she didn’t care. She had grown used to him being like this, and she knew what he wanted. She let him take her how she wanted, but no matter how he did take her, it seemed as if Tommy made sure it wasn’t too rough.

It was almost romantic, their lovemaking. He didn’t let her feel like a whore, because he needed the emotional aid as well afterwards. He put his head gently on her chest as she ran her fingers through his raven dark hair. It was now when Lizzie could see how broken he was in the glow of the candlelight.

“Does it help you at all?” She asked curiously, her fingers moving to the shaved part of his head.

He planted a kiss between her breasts lightly and exhaled deeply before he finally moved off of her and lay his head on the pillow close to her, searching her face.

“It does help, yes. I don’t know how exactly, but it helps,” he admitted, his voice almost a whisper. “Does it bother you? To help me like this?”

“No,” Lizzie answered right away. “I like being the one to make you feel better.”

Tommy moved closer to her and placed his hand on her unmarked cheek, gently thumbing it thoughtfully. “You don’t just make me feel better, Lizzie. You make me feel alive, more so than anyone else has the ability to.”

She gave a soft smile and kissed his lips softly, feeling a flutter when he deepened the kiss and let his hand wander down her hip slowly. She closed her eyes and felt him rest his head gently against hers. She reached up and caressed his chest.

Despite his usual coldness in front of his family and associates, he felt warm right here beside her. She never wanted this moment to end. She wanted to have Thomas Shelby next to her every night until the day she died. If she had that, then she’d be in heaven.

To live and love a man who would protect her and his family with every fiber of his being and reign hell down upon his enemies with such vengeance was something she wished to experience.

His ideas and violent flares scared Ada and Esme, but never her. She wasn’t scared of him at all. It was quite the opposite, in fact; she felt protected and loved. Everything he did, he did to keep all of them safe and alive, and out of jail. 

She made peace that she didn’t live an ordinary life, and she was just fine with that. Ordinary was boring.

“Say something,” he whispered pleadingly now. “Please don’t leave me layin’ here with my heart bleeding outside of my chest so you can laugh at me.”

Her brows came together in confusion and she shook her head. “Who’s laughing, Tommy? Because it’s not me. It’s brave of you to let your emotions show to me, and I’d never take advantage of that. I’m not your enemy… I’m not going to laugh at you. God help me, Thomas, I love you,” she confessed softly.

Lizzie had no regrets admitting her love to him because she had done this before and she knew what his reaction would be. She knew that he couldn’t say it back to her, for whatever reason, and she knew that her confession each time would simply be lost to the wind.

He looked at her with glassy eyes and he set his jaw. “I know you do, and I appreciate that more than I can say, Lizzie.”

She gave him a small smile. Lizzie was a strong woman and rarely ever got what she wanted in her life, but she had come to accept that. She didn’t even know if Tommy Shelby would ever admit that he loved her in return, more than just family, but she wasn’t holding her breath.

“I know, Tommy.”

He kissed her forehead and wrapped an arm around her body, as he did when he had his bad days. His body felt strong and warm, and safe. At least for now, Lizzie could pretend that he was hers.

**................ .. …………**

Lizzie was awoken in the early morning hours to screaming and thrashing and turned quickly to see Tommy’s mouth open in a scream of sheer terror and all his limbs clenched up as he thrashed and caught the sheets around his body.

She did what she always did when this happened with him, what she had always done since he had first come to her looking for help; Lizzie moved behind him and wrapped her arms around him, holding his back against her chest and held him as tight as she could so she could whisper in his ear.

“Tommy… Tommy, can you hear me? You’re home! You’re safe now. You’re with me, Tommy. You’re safe. You’re not still in France,”

She watched as his screaming ceased and only tears remained on his face. He was still thrashing a bit though. She still held him, continuing to gently coo to him.

“You’re safe, Thomas. You’re in England again… you’re back.”

The thrashing eventually stopped as well and he woke up with a gasp, looking around the room with wide, panicked eyes. He moved his body so he could face her now and he ran his hands through his hair, feeling beads of sweat on his face.

He eyed her up and down for any injuries he might have accidentally caused her in his thrashing but then relaxed when he saw none. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath.

When they were first starting out with their arrangement, there had been several nights when he would accidentally scratch or bruise her trying to get away from an invisible entity or attacking an invisible enemy. He seemed grateful to see that she was unscathed this time.

“W-Whiskey,” he ordered shakily. “I need whiskey.”

She nodded and quickly got up from the bed before putting her undergarments on and then walked over to the counter in the kitchen and grabbed a glass and the bottle of whiskey. She poured it halfway and had half a mind to also grab his cigarettes before moving back over to him again, handing both things to him.

Tommy took them and seemed to sigh a breath of relief before he took a long drink of the whiskey. “Thank you, Lizzie.”

She sat down across from him on the bed and reached out, gently touching his leg that had various scars from injuries he had sustained in France. Battle scars.

The soft touch seemed to relax him some more and she continued to caress his skin almost lovingly.

“I know this may not be the best time, but I have something I need to tell you,” she spoke now, lighting up a cigarette for Tommy before lighting one up for herself and taking a drag from it.

He finished his whiskey before taking a drag from his cigarette. “There’s never a good time to tell me anything. Go ahead, then. What is it you have to tell me?”

Lizzie searched Tommy’s face as he adjusted himself back into position in bed. “I know the man you’re buying guns and ammunition from.”

He raised an eyebrow but looked otherwise deadpan at her. “Is that right? Well, no offense, Lizzie, but can’t say I’m much surprised. With your last line of work, I’m sure you know many people around here.”

If he wasn’t having one of his dark days, she might’ve taken offense to his statement but she pretended not to hear it.

“He’s a dangerous man, Tommy. You need to be careful around him. You shouldn’t trust him.”

Thomas searched her eyes with interest now, straightening his body, the wheels in his head turning now as ideas began to form. “You know by now. I don’t trust anyone I don’t know properly. I’m still waiting to hear back from him anyway. Once I do, though, how would you like to help me out?”

Lizzie had a bad feeling. She knew how Tommy worked, and had a good feeling what ‘helping him out’ would entail. It would be dangerous, she knew that for a fact, but as hesitant as she might be about it, she wanted to help Thomas more.

“Let me guess, you want me to sleep with him so you can make a better deal on the guns?” Lizzie asked in a tone that was less of a question and more of a statement.

He took a drag, looking at Lizzie now with examining eyes. “Would you object to that?”

“I’m not sure, to be honest. I’m sick death of being a whore, Tommy.”

“I thought you were sick of being _my_ whore.”

She swallowed hard. “I’m sick to death of both. I want to help you, though. If it will make business easier for you, then I would like to do it.”

“Why?”

She took another drag of her own cigarette. “Why what?”

“Why would you want to do this for me? It’s dangerous, and I’m willingly putting you in danger just to obtain these guns and ammunition. So, I ask again, why are you doing this for me, eh?”

Lizzie felt in her heart that she automatically knew the answer. “Because I know that you wouldn’t let me get seriously hurt, because… I’m also your family, and you love me as such.”

He nodded once now and gave a small smirk. “That’s right, Lizzie. I’m relieved that you’re smart enough to know that. Knowing all of that, you’re still on board with doing this for me?”

“Yes.”

“Good,” he nodded again. “Thank you, Lizzie. The truth is, I was planning on having you help me either way, but I made a promise to you yesterday; I told you that you’d always have a choice.”

She smirked. “It’s not much of a choice if you make me do it either way, is it?”

He stood up and started to get dressed. He glanced over at her once he got everything except his wool vest on. “I suppose not, but you still had the choice to say no, regardless. You’re the only person I know I can count on that aren’t my brothers. You wouldn’t let me down, would you?”

She smiled now, shaking her head. “No, I wouldn’t, Thomas.”

“Ay,” Tommy agreed, his eyes almost smiling with pride. “You’re a special woman, Lizzie. Of course you wouldn’t let me down.”

She watched him fixing his clothes and looked at her disarrayed bedsheets. “I suppose I should get ready as well?”

He took out his pocket watch to look at the time. “You have a bit of time yet. I just have to go see a man about a horse before betting opens. Have some tea, get dressed, and go find Esme to have your dressing changed so it doesn’t get infected.”

“Yes, boss,” Lizzie teased playfully, standing up to walk over to him.

He sighed and ran a hand through his tuff of hair, looking like he’s lived a thousand lives already. Thomas moved over to Lizzie and kissed her lips softly, tenderly before he moved away and walked towards the door, opening it.

He turned to glance at over at her, just as he always did right before he left. “Thanks, Lizzie.”

“For what?”

He seemed to think to for a second before answering. “For helping to get my head back on right again.” With that, without waiting for her to reply, he walked out of her flat and left her alone once again.

She closed the door behind him and bit her lip, wishing she could’ve done more. She needed to take a bath, though, so she grabbed a candle and lit it and took it with her so she could start getting ready to see the rest of the Shelby clan again.


	4. a problem or two

**. . .**

“I really don’t know why Thomas isn’t having Ada do this business. She has actual lessons on tending to cuts and scrapes,” complained Esme as she spread cream over the healing gash.

Lizzie smirked to herself but was careful not to mess the former Lee girl up in her work. “You must have some practice. You seem to know what you’re doing.”

Esme shrugged before she began to place clean dressing over the cut.

“Only from doing this type of thing on my brothers and younger cousins when the adults weren’t around and I had to watch them meself…”

Lizzie leaned back once Esme had finished with her and watched as the young woman started to work on the betting books. There was no doubt as a migrating vagabond, Esme had seen and done a lot; she had traveled her whole life and seen so many new places. Lizzie found herself envious; the only place she had seen has been Birmingham and the stray trips Tommy had taken her on outside the dirty city. For the most part, Birmingham was all she knew.

“Won’t someone open up the fookin’ door? It’s past time to open! Are everyone’s’ legs broken?” Arthur complained as he stormed towards the first ones he saw in the room, which happened to be Esme and Lizzie.

“Are _your_ legs broken, Arthur?” Esme snapped back. “Lizzie and I are busy over here! Why don’t you go on then and open the damned door?”

Arthur rolled his eyes and shook his head in frustration and started towards the front door muttering something along the lines of “busy chatterin’ like finches.”

“Thank you, Esme,” Lizzie spoke as she stood up and fixed her dress. She saw the younger girl nod in acknowledgement and then started to look around for Tommy.

She weaved in and out of busy peaky blinders, young and old, trying her best to stay out of their way. She was growing increasing frustrated after spending no less than ten minutes avoiding collisions with others in the building when she finally found Thomas chatting with Aunt Polly in a less than friendly tone. She stood back and lit a cigarette, trying to give him time to say what he wanted to say to her but when he heard the sound of Lizzie striking a match to light her cigarette, he motioned for her to leave the room.

His expression noticeably softened as he moved closer to Lizzie. “Is it healing up all right? No smell or anything?”

She shook her head and took a drag of her cigarette. “Nope. Esme says it’s healing as it should.”

“Excellent. Lizzie, I need you to check on the mail at the house for me. I want to stay here and make sure everything will be running as it should. Can you do that?”

Lizzie knitted her eyebrows. “Of course, but it’s still too early to receive a response from that ammunitions man,”

Thomas Shelby put a finger to his lips before he gently grabbed her arm and pulled her outside and over to the far side of the building. Lizzie wrapped her coat tighter around her body as a cool wind blew in their direction.

“You haven’t told them about the guns deal, have you?” Lizzie asked knowingly. “Afraid of how they’ll react?”

Tommy glanced around and then searched Lizzie’s eyes. “Not afraid, just unsure. I know for a fact Pol won’t like it, and being shot at in a war will make the others apprehensive about using them as well.”

Lizzie thought for a minute, trying to figure out how to put a spin on the situation. She gave a shrug and a small smile. “At least they’ll know how to use it, and if you tell them what you told me about protecting the family, I’m sure they’ll come around to the idea.”

Tommy gave a smile now and let out a low laugh. “Well thank you, Lizzie. Now I know why I keep you so close, don’t I? Go check the post now, please. Oh, hold on Lizzie –" He looked around and then walked over to one of his own men that Lizzie recognized as Scudboat and motioned for him to walk back over where she was still standing.

“Scud, I would like you to escort Lizzie here to our house to check the post. Before you say anything Lizzie,” he interrupted as she went to open her mouth in opposition. “I realize the house is only about 100 meters away, but these are dangerous times we live in with many enemies. You just never know what’s bound to happen, eh? Go on, Scudboat, escort the lady.”

The fellow peaky blinder gave an obedient nod and let Lizzie lead the way towards the house. She felt silly having muscle just to take her to there, but she knew Tommy was right. Lizzie opened the door and walked inside, surprised to be greeted with a handful of post lying on the floor in front of the mail slot. She knelt down and picked it up before she stuffed the post in her arms and nearly bumped into Scudboat who stood stiffly, glancing around cautiously.

She was careful to move around him in time before walking back to the building. As the two of them walked, she felt a bit awkward having not spoken very much to Scudboat the whole time they’ve known each other.

It wasn’t even a matter of Lizzie not liking the man at all; she liked him just fine. He was good at his job, and he was one of the kinder of the peaky blinders that she knew. They simply hadn’t been around each other very often to have a proper conversation.

When they arrived back at the betting building, she turned to Scudboat and smiled warmly. “Thank you, Scudboat. I really appreciate you doing that for me.”

He nodded towards her. “Of course, miss. If you’ll excuse me now.” He gave her a wink before hurrying off.

Lizzie also hurried to find Tommy again and was relieved when she didn’t have to look long, finding him in the Shelby private meeting room. He closed the doors behind her before she handed him the many letters.

He looked through them, taking turns opening up the envelopes and reading through them. Lizzie put out her cigarette in the nearby ashtray, remaining quiet for several moments before she finally spoke up, realizing that he wasn’t going to inform her what the letters were.

“Is there a reason getting the post was so important, Tommy?” She asked neutrally. “What’s in the letters, then?”

He cleared his throat before laying the letters on the table and then looked up at Lizzie. “Oh, right. These letters are from our friends in Camden town. They’ve agreed to help us fight if we ever need them in exchange for guns and ammunition. We would give them half of our supply that we get from Mr. Smith.”

She was about to ask who Mr. Smith was when she remembered that that had been the name he had given her when they had slept together all that time ago; Mr. Smith was going to be Tommy’s new business partner.

She searched Tommy’s face, getting a bad feeling in her stomach. “Are you sure they’re really our friends, Tommy? These Camden folk…”

When he looked at her again, she saw a flicker of doubt on his face but his nod contradicted this. “Of course they’re our friends, Lizzie. We wouldn’t like to have them as our enemies, that’s for sure.”

She wet her lips in uncertainty. “I don’t know about this…” she hesitated, trying to hide her distaste for the Camden town people, but also trying not to make him angry either.

He saw her hesitation and he lit a cigarette before he moved closer to his secretary until he rested either of his hands on both sides of the table she was standing in front of. He noticed she was avoiding his gaze, even in the close proximity and sighed softly as he reached out and gently lifted her chin up with his finger.

“Please trust me, Lizzie,” he whispered. “I have a plan, yeah? I _always_ have a plan, and when I don’t, I make a plan to make a plan. I don’t trust these Camden blokes as much as I trust my family, but they’re good in a fight, if it ever comes down to it.”

She didn’t feel completely convinced but she did she feel a bit better about it now. Lizzie nodded and gave him a half smile. “Please be careful, Tommy.”

“If I was careful, Lizzie,” he smirked now, taking a drag. “I’d never get anything done,” he exhaled.

She shook her head disapprovingly at his attitude, and she could feel her negative thoughts about the situation creeping back up on her, her crescent smile now visibly faltering.

There was no doubt that he had seen it.

Tommy took Lizzie’s face in his hands now, being careful of the bandage on her one cheek while he caressed her other one softly. “Hey, look at me. It’ll be all right, I promise. These letters are just them telling me that they’re on our side, yeah? They’re here if we need to call upon them ever.”

She nodded again and closed her eyes, his gentle touch feeling like heaven on earth. It was easy enough to get this touch with him in bed, but she rarely experienced it outside of that, so she felt like she should enjoy it when she did.

“All right, Tommy,” she finally conceded, not wishing to discuss this matter any further today. “So what now? I’m bored stiff.”

He thumbed her skin absentmindedly before dropping his hands and taking another drag. “I left some Shelby Company business upstairs for you earlier on your desk. Type those up, bring them to Polly, and you’re free to go home.”

Lizzie raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Free to go? You usually make me stay here until everyone else leaves and today, I’m just free to go back home after that?”

He sighed now before he glanced at his pocket watch. “Yes, that’s right. I thought you could use a break. I’ll see you later, Lizzie.”

She nodded but was still suspicious as she headed up to her office and began to type up bets, income, and supplies for the Garrison. By the time she had finished everything, she had a pile of papers and it was nearly half five in the evening.

She stood up and started downstairs, looking around for Polly but didn’t see her. Lizzie sighed, feeling annoyed now.

_Of course Aunt Polly was nowhere to be seen. Typical. _

She nearly collided with John who almost swallowed his toothpick in surprise but managed to move out of the way quickly, but no without swearing to himself first. Lizzie gasped and then shook her head in annoyance; she was so wrapped up in her frustration though, that she tripped on a raised up board on the floor and started falling.

She let out a scream, expecting to fall hard onto her side when she stopped falling in midair. She looked up to see a very calm looking Finn who helped her back to a standing position.

“All right, Lizzie?”

She smiled and let out a breath of relief. “Thanks to you. Such a gentlemen, Finn… not like your other brothers. Thank you, Finn. If it wasn’t for you, I would’ve broken my ankle.”

He gave out a nervous chuckle but shrugged it off. “It was no problem. I’m glad I was here. Well, I better get back to work now…”

Lizzie searched Finn’s eyes and saw what looked almost like admiration. He was so young to be living this life, and she could tell that he was nervous because she knew what a crush looked like. Finn obviously fancied her, and that might turn into a problem.

She gave him a small, grateful smile before she waved goodbye as she remembered what her previous task was again. She quickly turned around before Finn had proper time to hurry away.

“Finn! Do you know where Pol is? I have some papers I need to give to her.”

He thought for a moment before he looked back at Lizzie again. “I think she left early, but… I-I can give them to her, if you’d like?”

Lizzie wet her lips in thought and sighed, not wanting to make the tiring trip back to her office. She nodded and handed Finn the papers. “Please, if you don’t mind. That would be great. Thank you, Finn.”

“Of course, Lizzie… anytime.”

She watched as he walked off with the papers and felt a bit of relief before she hugged her purse close and started out of the building to walk down the street to her flat. She wasn’t going to enlist the help of a peaky blinder to escort her anywhere else; she was more than able to get home by herself.

She had just stepped inside her flat when she heard her phone ring. She hurried over to it and picked it up to answer it.

“Lizzie Stark speaking…”

_“Oh good, you made it home safely.”_

She scoffed and took the phone over to the window to look around. “Did you watch me get home? Where are you?”

_“I’m at the Garrison. I just know how long it takes you to get home from the betting shop. I’ve walked you home before.”_

“Well, all right then. What do you want, Tommy?”

_“May I come over tonight, Lizzie?” _His voice sounded tired, drained.

“As long as you don’t pay me.”

_“I didn’t pay you last time_,” He remarked quietly before he hung up.

She hung the phone back up and sighed. Lizzie walked to her bedroom to take her work clothes off and put on more comfortable clothing. She grabbed two clean glasses and the rest of the Irish whiskey they hadn’t finished off yet.

Once she had set them on the table and put some music on, she heard a knocking at the door. Lizzie walked over to it and cautiously opened it before seeing Thomas in the hallway, and then opened it wider and stepped aside to let him inside. She closed and locked it behind them and walked over to him.

The closer she got to him, the stronger the scent of alcohol and smoke was. She gave him a once over and saw unrest in his eyes.

“You don’t like hiring the Camden men as muscle, do you?” It was less of a question, more like a statement. She had known him long enough that she felt like she could read him.

He looked slightly unsettled by her deduction but he took a heavy breath and let it out. “No, Lizzie, I don’t.”

“Why don’t you just get some Lee boys instead?”

He was quiet for several minutes, and Lizzie was about to repeat her question when he spoke again, breaking the silence in the room.

“Can I get a glass of whiskey?”

Lizzie playfully narrowed he eyes. “Smells like you’ve already had quite a bit.”

“Please, Lizzie. Just… get me a damn glass.” His face was still serious.

She reluctantly walked over and poured whiskey into a glass for him, but didn’t give herself any. Something else was wrong; it wasn't just the Camden men that was upsetting Thomas like this. It was something more, something heavier. She moved back over to Thomas and handed it to him.

He drank the whole thing quickly and Lizzie suddenly had a sinking feeling. “Is someone dead?”

She watched as tears filled Tommy’s eyes now and he sat down on her bed in the bedroom. She sat down beside him and poured more whiskey into his glass before setting the bottle aside.

“Tommy… talk to me. Please. What happened? Who was it?”

He took a shaky breath before he took another sip and set the glass on a table.

“Charlie. Charlie Strong fucking died, Lizzie.”


	5. plans go awry

**. . .**

Lizzie thought she had heard wrong, because it simply couldn’t be true. She hadn’t been very close to the older man, but there had been times when he had come to her rescue on dark streets at night near the Garrison and near Watery Lane.

She knew that he had been Tommy’s Uncle, and she found that she considered him her uncle as well. He wasn’t just an uncle figure for her though; he had been her savior, her protector, and her teacher. Charlie had told her where _not_ to be, and when. He had protected her, despite what she had been. Hearing the news that he had died now made her heart hurt.

She looked over at Thomas who had a tear running down his cheeks but otherwise made no sound. Lizzie swallowed hard and wrapped her hand in his, and he held her hand tightly in return.

“I’m so sorry, Tommy,” she whispered to him.

He gave a nod. “Thank you, Lizzie,” he whispered back.

“How?”

She had been afraid the question might come out insensitive but if Tommy was offended, he didn’t show it. He sniffed and poured himself another glass of whiskey before taking another drink. He glanced over at her and met her eyes with his own watery ones.

“Apparently, he had been killed. Shot…”

None of this was making sense. She shook her head, trying to comprehend what Tommy was telling her. This all felt so surreal. She had memories of Charlie playing with her near the cut and making sure she didn’t fall in accidentally when she had been small.

“W-Who shot him, Tommy? Was it one of your own?” She always hesitated to refer to herself as one of them. She wasn’t a Shelby, she wasn’t a Lee. She was just a woman who grew up in the area on the same street as them.

It was apparent that he didn’t approve of her casting herself out.

“_Our_ own, Lizzie,” he corrected softly before he cleared his throat, finishing off the drink. “No, it wasn’t our own. No one has anything to gain by killing him. It was someone else… someone who… came in, unrecognized, unseen. Charlie had been shot in the back of the head; he never even saw his attacker.”

She swallowed hard, trying to wrap her mind around this. She tried to rack her brain, trying to imagine why _anyone_ would want Charlie Strong dead in the first place. He wasn’t one to run his mouth off like Arthur could. He wasn’t prone to violence like John was, but he could still prove himself in a fight if he had to. He wasn’t one to antagonize.

“Is it a possibility this could be one of the Camden town men?” She inquired.

He searched her face. “I don’t even know, Lizzie. I know Alfie is loyal until it’s in his favor not to be. His men and himself wrote to us, though, pledging their allegiance to fight alongside us! Why the hell would they kill one of us? Alfie knows that it would mean war between us. Right now, there’s no reason for him to be benefited by this.”

Lizzie felt baffled, sad, and still in shock. “I’m sorry, Tommy. I wish I could help.”

Her words appeared to suddenly shake him out of his thoughts. He cleared his throat again before he turned to her. “You can. You’re going to help me, Lizzie. We need those guns now more than ever… do you know where he lives? This… Mr. Smith.”

She was getting an uncomfortable feeling inside her. “Yes, I do… what exactly are you asking me to do, Tommy?”

He gently caressed the back of her hand. “I’ll write up a letter, you will go to his house and explain the situation to him. Tell him that it is urgent that he come here so we can get the guns.”

She nodded, having a feeling that Tommy would want the deal to happen sooner. “W-What about Charlie?”

“We’ll have a funeral for him the day after tomorrow,” Tommy declared without missing a beat. “Tell him he needs to collect the guns and ammunition up quickly, and bring them to the designated place I write down in the letter. Once you do all that tomorrow for me, you can come back and then the day after tomorrow, you and I can go together to the funeral.”

Lizzie felt a bit better knowing that he had a plan, even if it involved her seeing that arsehole again. She would do it because it would mean she would be doing it for Tommy, and she felt like she’d do anything for him.

“What do you need right now? Tell me how I can help.”

He took her face in his hands and then pressed his lips to hers softly. She kissed him back and then repositioned them on the bed so they were lying side by side. She started to unbutton his shirt but then felt gentle hands stop her wrists, making her look up at him.

“No, Lizzie, not tonight. Just… be with me. That’s all I want. That’s how you can help.”

She released her hands from his clothing and moved closer to him until he reached over and rested his hand on her waist, just holding her as he lay his head on the pillow, watching her with sad eyes. Lizzie gave him a reassuring smile before she kissed his lips once again and rested her head on the pillow beside his.

They remained like this in comfortable silence, just barely touching each other. Lizzie longed for moments like this; when Tommy’s touch felt electric on her skin. She didn’t get any pleasure seeing him so depressed, of course, but there was just something about laying side by side with the Shelby man that made her feel safe and believe that everything was going to be all right.

It wasn’t even nine but the two of them ended up falling asleep after several minutes like this, Lizzie somehow ending up with her back against his chest, and his arms protectively holding her to him, as if he were afraid of losing her as well.

**…………. … ……………..**

**  
**Lizzie was nervous as she woke up the next morning, bathed, and got dressed before walking back over to the bed where Tommy was still sleeping. She was hesitant to wake him, but knew he would be late to work if she didn’t.

She sat on the bed and gently shook his arm. “Tommy… come on, you have to wake up now.”

He groaned softly and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He blinked a few times, trying to collect his bearings and she saw melancholy touch his eyes once again when he remembered last night.

“What time is it?”

“Almost eight. Would you like something to eat before you head out?” She offered. “I can make a bit of toast.”

He shook his head and coughed as he stood up, straightening his shirt out before fixing his vest. He lit a cigarette and placed it between his lips before he poured himself a small glass of whiskey and swallowed it before he walked over to her and kissed her temple.

“Thank you, Lizzie, for last night.”

She shook her head. “I didn’t do anything, Tommy.” At least not what she usually did for him whenever he asked her to help him.

He lingered close to her and let out a sigh before he placed his hands on her waist. “Then thank you for what you’re about to do,” then he looked as if he suddenly remembered something. He took out a small handgun from his side holster that he had taken to wearing and put it in her hand.

“Hold on! What’s this? I’ve never even fired a gun before!” She objected, looking at the cold metal with wide eyes, trying to give the gun back to him.

He held it in her palm with his hand. “It’s very easy, Lizzie. Aim, and then pull the trigger.”

She looked down at it, wondering where she was going to keep it. “I thought you were having me do this in order to get guns. I didn’t know you even had any…”

He took a step back once he was sure that she was going to keep the weapon. “Just two small ones.”

“Where’s the other one, then?”

“With Aunt Polly,” he answered softly, walking slowly towards the door of her flat before he turned around to look at her. “I’ll have Finn give you my letter as soon as I write it up this morning. Remember what to tell Mr. William Smith, though, what I told you last night… and I want you to call me from his place when you get there. We don’t know these people very well, and I don’t trust ‘em. Understand, Lizzie?”

She nodded, feeling a warmth run through her at his order to call him to make sure she got there safely. She must mean something to him if he cared about her safety and well-being. Good to know she wasn’t just an ex-prostitute, or just a secretary to Thomas Shelby.

“Good, then I’ll see you when you come back tomorrow evening. I’ll meet you right here and then you can tell me all about it, yeah?” When she nodded again, he gave her a weak smile and nodded back. “All right, then. See you later, Lizzie.”

“See you, Tommy.” She watched him disappear and let out a heavy sigh before she looked down at the gun. It didn’t feel as heavy as she imagined it would in her hands.

She opened it to see it was fully loaded, and then, with some difficulty, closed it again. She looked around at everything on the gun, knowing basic knowledge about it. She did know about the safety, though, and put it on before she stuffed the gun into her boot where it couldn’t be seen. She grabbed her a coat and put it on before she tidied up the flat and then walked out, heading towards the betting shop to find Finn.

Lizzie entered the building to see everyone hurrying to get things ready but didn’t see Finn anywhere. She was about to ask someone about the younger Shelby brother’s whereabouts when she felt a hand pull her aside and instantly go to work on her cheek.

“I figured I might as well look at it since you’re here again,” Esme spoke before examining it and then taking off the bandage. “It’s healed well enough. You might have a scar, though.”

“I don’t care,” Lizzie sighed. “Have you seen Finn?”

Esme raised an eyebrow. “A bit young for you, isn’t he?”

Lizzie rolled her eyes. “He has something for me from Tommy. Do you or don’t you know where he is?”

“Ask Arthur. I think he was doing something for him last time I checked,” Esme pointed towards Arthur where he was hunched over a desk, writing something down.

Lizzie walked over quickly. “Morning, Arthur…”

He finished up what he was writing and then looked over at her with a small smile. “Mornin’, Lizzie. What can I do ye for today, then, eh?”

“I was just wondering if you knew where Finn was? He has something for me from Tommy.”

“Oh, right. Finn!” Arthur barked. “Finn! Get in here!” No sooner as he had said that, the young peaky blinder made a beeline inside and smiled when he saw Lizzie. “Finn, Lizzie here says you need to give her somethin’ from Tommy.”

“Oh,” he pulled out a folded letter from inside his suit and handed it to her. “There you go, Lizzie.”

She smiled back at him. “Thank you, Finn,” she looked at Arthur. “Thank you, Arthur.” She hurried out of the building before either man could talk to her any further and started to walk down the street.

William Smith lived several blocks away from Watery Street and by the time she arrived at the house he had taken her to a few years ago, she felt exhausted, physically and emotionally. She took a deep breath before she gently knocked, and then the door opened.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

Lizzie tensed a little. “Elizabeth Stark. I work with Tommy Shelby and Shelby Company Limited. I have something for you from him, and maybe a little more if you let me in?”

A smirk reached his mouth now and opened the door to let her inside. She started to remember the last time she had been here. Not much had changed, surprisingly. She looked around and then felt his hand on her waist, already eagerly trying to get her out of her clothes.

She cleared her throat pointedly before she backed away from him and gave him Tommy’s letter. “Business first. Tommy was very clear on that. Oh, while you read that, do you mind if I use your telephone?”

He took the letter but then nodded and pointed into a room. She followed his finger into the direction where he had pointed and immediately found the phone. It was already ten-thirty now and she was sure that Tommy would be eagerly awaiting her call.

She dialed his number and smiled to herself when he picked up after the first ring. “It’s me. I made it here. He’s reading your letter right now,” she spoke in a low voice.

“Good. When we see each other again, you be sure to let me know if he hurt you, Lizzie, yes?”

She felt her stomach give an uncomfortable tug. “Yes, Tommy… I’ll let you know. Umm,” she brought her voice lower. “I-I’m a bit nervous about doing this.”

There was a beat of silence on the other line, and she could tell that Thomas Shelby might be rethinking this whole plan, hearing her uneasiness about it now.

“You know what to do if you feel like your life is in danger. Don’t hesitate because he sure as hell won’t, if it comes to that. Otherwise, this is something I won’t forget that you did for me, and I won’t let my family forget about it either. I’ll see you soon, Lizzie,” he spoke softly.

“All right, Tommy,” she agreed, feeling her mind slightly at ease.

That was the last thing she needed though, for the whole Shelby clan to remember how she whored her way into bed to get the guns and ammunition. They’d never let her live that down as long as she lived. As she hung up, Lizzie had to remind herself that this was all for Tommy, and if she could just get through the next hour, she’d be okay, and she could see him again.

She took a breath and walked back out to where William Smith was setting the letter on the table and looked up when she walked in.

He cleared his throat and let out a cough. “If everything in this letter is correct, you’re mine to do with as I please. Just like old times with us, isn’t it?” He smirked and started to take off his tie. “It seems like a fair trade off… my guns and ammunition for your body. I say it’s worth it.”

She gave a forced smile, trying to play along, wondering what was in Tommy’s letter to him but knew better than to ask. All she knew was that he had written that this man could sleep with her in trade for the weaponry.

She started to take off her dress and then remembered her gun in her boots. She sat down on the bed, with her back facing him and took off her boots, catching the gun out of sight before she quietly placed the gun under the bed.

A few minutes later, she felt the bed shift and looked over to see him crawling over to her, nearly ripping her dress and undergarments in his eagerness. She felt his rough hands press into her body with every hard thrust, and she had to resist the urge to whimper several times. To her dismay, he was still going strong after half an hour, and then felt him flip her onto her stomach and grab her hips, bringing them up and closer before he continued to thrust into her hard and fast.

She gripped the sheets tightly, biting her lip to cry out in pain at his roughness. He pressed her face into the pillow suddenly, and she gasped as she quickly felt her air running out. He pressed he face into it harder, suffocating her.

She tried to reach for anything that would help, feeling like her life was in danger. She immediately regretted hiding the gun under the bed. She thrashed against him, but it only made him thrust harder into her body until he finally climaxed, and then felt him release her head.

Lizzie gasped and coughed when she felt oxygen quickly re-enter her lungs again and she stood up to get dressed, not eager to stay here any longer than she had to. She watched as William looked at her almost disappointedly but took out a wad of cash.

She reached from under the bed and tucked the gun back into her boot before she tied them up and finished getting dressed. She stood up and looked from the cash back to him.

“I don’t want your money. Just come to Watery Lane with the guns and ammunition, and talk to Thomas Shelby. You and I are finished now,” she declared.

He searched her face with a smirk on his own and he gave a nod before tucking the money away. “As you wish. Tell Mr. Shelby I’ll be there tomorrow, with his guns, and I look forward to seeing the whole family.”

She nodded now and grabbed her coat before hurrying out of the house and started to walk quickly down the streets. She took the long way, deciding she needed time to reflect on Charlie’s death, amongst other things. Mainly, Lizzie wanted to pull herself together before seeing Tommy again.

By the time she arrived back at Watery Lane near her flat, it was getting dark and she saw Tommy standing at her door with the rim of his hat pulled down over his eyes as he smoked a cigarette. As she neared, trying her best not to limp, he hurried towards her and looked her up and down before searching her face.

“All right, Lizzie? How did it go?”

She just nodded and unlocked the door for them both and led him inside her flat. She waited until he closed the door behind him before she started to talk, not trusting anyone.

“It was fine, Tommy. He told me to tell you that he would see you tomorrow with your guns and ammunition,” she took out a cigarette before taking a long drag from it and watched him light the fireplace quickly before he stood up.

“Did he say anything else to you? Anything about Charlie?”

She shook her head, taking another drag. “He’s not exactly a big talker. He tried to pay me, and I refused.”

The two of them were silent for several minutes, quietly smoking but the air was thick with unspoken words, and Thomas could sense it too.

He looked at her expectantly, but there was a glimmer of nervousness and uncertainty in his eyes. “What are you keeping from me, Lizzie, eh? Something else happened that you’re not telling me… I can always tell. What is it?”

She finished her cigarette before putting it out and watched as he did the same, mimicking her motions. She swallowed hard and looked down at her bruised wrists that he had held down earlier. She didn’t want to make trouble for Tommy, of course, but she always wanted to tell him the truth.

“I… I think he tried to kill me, Tommy.”

Immediately, the Shelby man tensed and his body stiffened, his eyes going wide. “Say again? What…. What did he do to you?”

She searched his face, feeling sick as she remembered the scene earlier. “He… he pressed my face into the pillow, as he was… fucking me. He was pressing it really hard though, and I couldn’t fucking breathe, Tommy! I nearly suffocated!”

Thomas ran a hand through his hair and stood up before he grabbed his chair and kicked it away from him, causing it to tip over and fall. “Jesus Christ… so I’m guessing you didn’t kill him, then, since he’s coming tomorrow. Why didn’t you shoot him?”

She expected him to be angry at her, and even though she could see that was indeed angry, Lizzie knew it wasn’t directed towards her; he was angry at the man that he was forced to do this business transaction with.

“I couldn’t shoot him because… I wanted to hide the gun, so I hid it under the bed. I couldn’t reach over and grab it.”

He nodded but ran both his hands over his hair and took a deep breath, starting to pace. “Are you all right? Did he hurt you?”

Lizzie nodded. “I’m all right, Tom. You don’t even know him, or his people. Why are you doing business with them? He just tried to kill me earlier, what if he’s the one who killed Charlie?”

The thought hadn’t crossed Thomas’ mind until she had said the words. He stopped pacing and turned to look at her. “Why… why would they do that, though? They don’t know us. They have no grudge against us, Lizzie.”

“Well I don’t know, Tommy! Who else did it? Maybe… maybe William Smith knew the quickest way to do business with you would be to kill one of… us, and then you’d be interested in getting involved in guns, something he had plenty of,”

She walked closer to him and searched his eyes, seeing a change in his pupils, understanding why he couldn’t stand in one place. “For fuck’s sake, Tommy… you’re doing snow, aren’t you? You’re on it right now…”

He shook his head but didn’t say anything verbally to deny it. He sniffed and coughed once before he walked over to her. “Look, Lizzie… that has nothing to do with anything right now. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that he did that to you but I promise that once this is all over, we’ll hit him, and we’ll hit him hard. He won’t get away with what he did to you, but I need you on my side still. Are you, Lizzie, still on my side?”

As upset as she was about him being high on snow, she could tell he still cared deeply for her and knew he would keep his word. She nodded. “Yes, Tom. I’m on your side, always.”

“Thank you…” He cupped her cheeks and gently caressed her skin with his thumbs before he kissed her lips.

She returned the kiss but then hesitated, unsure if she felt physically or mentally up to the task of their usual nighttime activities together. He looked at her and shook his head before he led her over to the bed and helped her change out of their clothes before he simply lay beside her, holding her close to him.

She knew that he wouldn’t be sleeping right away, but relaxed against him, almost falling asleep right away.


	6. deals gone wrong and truces gone well

**. . .**

The next morning, Tommy woke up before Lizzy, very early. He reluctantly got dressed and made his way to the designated place where he was to meet the mysterious Mr. Smith. He was already hesitant to do this transaction knowing what he might have attempted to do to Lizzie last night. He lit a cigarette before entering the abandoned building and immediately seeing not only Mr. Smith, but no less than six of his men.

It had been a bad decision to come by himself, but he didn’t want none of his brothers to lose their tempers and blow this deal for the family.

“Well, well… it looks as if I’m outnumbered as well as outgunned,” he remarked, glancing at the larger guns hanging off of the men’s hips. He glanced over at who he assumed was the man Lizzie had met with last night and gave a nod. “And you must be… Mr. Smith.”

“And you must be the infamous Thomas Shelby,” the man spoke icily, standing in front of his men. “I must say, that prostitute you gave me last night was… quite disappointing. Her body was stiff, you see? Like a fucking corpse, and she couldn’t wait to leave… wasted no time, she did.”

Tommy took a drag of the cigarette before he exhaled and looked at his face, trying to hide the disgust he felt towards this man, trying not to whip his hat off and cut him. He took another drag instead, quiet for several moments as he tried to swallow his rage.

“Not a big talker, are you, Mr. Shelby?” Smith chuckled. “If I wanted to talk to a fucking wall, I would’ve stayed home! I thought you came here to make a business deal?”

Tommy blinked slowly, his eyes hiding everything he was feeling inside. “Right,” he cleared his throat, trying to act professional. “Well, you know what I want, yeah? I thought I made it very clear in my letter. So, that’s exactly what I want right now.”

“And what do I get in return?”

Tommy raised his eyebrows, feeling offended now and let out a cough. “Sorry? Didn’t you just tell me you got my gift last night?”

“_Oh, _that was my gift, was it? Are you sure it was? What the fuck would I want a used up prostitute for, Shelby? You think _I_ would like _your_ sloppy seconds?”

Tommy sighed heavily, getting close to losing his patience with him. He took another drag, his face remaining deadpan. “First off, she’s no longer a prostitute, she’s my employee, so she works for me. As such, you should’ve treated her with respect, which, as far as I can fathom, you did not; that was your first mistake. Secondly, I thought we were in mutual agreement, a night with her for guns and ammunition. That was the deal.”

A loud laugh came from Mr. Smith now that seemed to go on forever, which made Tommy fume even more. He smirked humorlessly though.

“What’s so fucking funny, then, eh?”

“It’s funny that you think we struck a deal in the first place. It was a negotiation that we never shook on! That… gift… that you sent me was the beginning of me even considering the negotiation with you. It was a taster, if you will. If you want guns and ammunition, you’ll have to give me at least a few more nights with her, and then I’ll _think_ about giving some to you and your gypsy shits.”

Tommy sighed deeply and blinked. He threw his cigarette on the ground and stood up. “You must take me for a fool, Mr. Smith. That isn’t the kind of deal I do. If you’re not serious about it, then I’ll just be on my way. I’ll see myself out.”

He was halfway to the door when one of the armed men with guns blocked his exit, but it was Smith who spoke.

“If you’re serious about this deal, then I am as well. Surely a few more nights with your _gift_ is something you’re willing to spare in exchange for some metal and lead. Now sit back down, Mr. Shelby. We’re not through yet.”

Tommy stared at him with cold eyes and not found himself regretting not bringing his family with him. It had been a stupid mistake. He felt the barrel of a rifle touch his temple and he closed his eyes, ready for what came next.

Then, without warning, he heard Arthur’s familiar yell, and his brothers’ footsteps coming towards him, their own smaller guns aimed at the men around Tommy, some others’ hats raised. But it wasn’t just his brothers; there were other Peaky Blinders with them as well, ready for battle.

Tommy opened his eyes and saw that now Mr. Smith’s gang was at least outnumbered as the tables turned on a pence. He smirked slightly now, feeling relieved but also confused. He hadn’t told any of them about this meeting, so who had told them?

Once Tommy walked out and then ordered his brothers and the rest of his family to do the same, the answer became all too obvious. But he still had a dilemma that he needed to fix. He ran a hand over his face before he climbed into one of the cars, about to start the ignition again when he heard the door open and Finn standing tall before him.

“What are you doing, Tommy? Where are you going now?”

He sighed and glanced up at him. “Go back to Watery Lane, Finn. I still have business to attend to. Go home with the others. I’ll be back later.”

He gave no room for Finn to argue and then closed the driver side door again before he started driving towards Camden. He knew that the Canal would take him a shorter route, but he needed time to think, and he wanted to get there and back before dark. The boats would go slower.

He spent most of the drive cursing Lizzie in his head. He knew it had been her who had alerted the others of Tommy’s whereabouts, but why?

He didn’t mind that she had told them about his reason for being there; that he would explain later. He just wanted to know how she had known that he had gone in there in over his head. Did she just assume that he would be in trouble, or did she know what Smith was planning?

These were questions he needed to remember later when they talked again because if it was the latter, he didn’t know whether to cut her or kiss her. When he finally arrived in Camden town a few hours later, he was tired and run-down.

He knocked on Alfie’s door, feeling half surprised when he saw it open just a few minutes later and Alfie Solomons appearing in front of him.

“Right, then… Tommy… what brings you here to my part of town, then?”

He let himself inside and saw Alfie’s own surprise in his eyes as he closed the door. “Didn’t bring the family then, did you? Tell me, do you trust me that much? I could just shoot you fucking dead right here, couldn’t I? Send you right up the river, none would be any the wiser.”

Tommy let Alfie’s loose threat hang in the air for several moments before he looked at him. “Well we made a deal, isn’t that right, Alfie? We even shook on it, drank some of your _bread_.”

Alfie gave a chuckle and nodded. “That’s fucking right, we did. All right then,” he clapped and lead him to his office before he closed the door and sat down in his chair at the desk. “Business… business. Let’s get down to it, then. What’s on your mind, Tommy?”

He sat down opposite of Alfie and took out another cigarette. He lit it and took a short drag before he exhaled, looking back at the other man. “I need rifles and ammunition, Alfie. Maybe a few men as well.”

“I see,” Alfie scratched his temple before he poured two cups of whiskey for himself and Tommy and placed it in front of him. “That’s asking for quite a lot, Tom. I need my men here, and rifles, well… I have no real need for those, but… ammunition is always good to have on hand. What do you need all these… weapons for, may I ask?”

Tommy relaxed in his chair as he took a drink of whiskey and placed it back down on the desk. “I have enemies that need taken care of and family that needs to be protected.”

“And you and your fucking… razor gang can’t do either of those things yourself, can you? You need _my _help with it?”

Tommy knew what Alfie was doing; he was rubbing it in Tommy’s face that he needed his help, and he was basking in it. He sighed, not wanting to make a mistake twice in one day. He nodded. “Yes, Alfie. I need your fucking help because I can’t do it alone… so can you help me?”

“Depends,” Alfie shrugged, swallowing his drink in one go. “What will I get out of this, my helping you? I don’t fancy giving things away for free.”

Tommy found himself already starting to lose patience. “What is it you want, Alfie, eh?”

The other man caressed his beard in thought. “Right, I would like… in return for my favor to you and your family, for you all to come to _my_ aid, whenever I need you, no questions fucking asked, mate, yeah? Unconditional loyalty.”

Tommy loathed owing anything to anyone, and he knew that once he did this, Alfie would never let him forget how his crew came to the Peaky Blinders’ aid and vice versa. He could hang this over his head forever.

“Fine then, but it’s only unconditional until you make it otherwise. Do myself or my family wrong, and it’ll be war,” Tommy warned in a cool voice.

“Fucking hell,” Alfie complained. “Always so fucking dramatic, aren’t you? _Christ_, Tommy…”

He ignored his comment and cleared his throat. “So do we have a deal?”

Alfie thought about it but then shrugged and nodded. The two men both spit in their hands and shook firmly before retracting them again.

“Very well,” Alfie agreed. “It’s a fucking deal, then. We have a truce between us, Tommy. Be sure you don’t forget it, mate.”

Tommy stood up to leave but Alfie put a hand out to stop him. “Now… wait a fucking minute. Why don’t you sit back down and stay for a few more? We have some catching up to do, don’t we?” It wasn’t a question, but more like a statement.

He looked up at Alfie and tongued his cheek. “I have business to attend to back home.” It seems like he was saying that a lot today.

“I get that, business is business… but right now, we still have business and that involves gaining trust between us. So… as such, I would like you to fill me in on how your fucking day as been going so far, yeah?”

Tommy cocked his head to the side, suddenly suspicious. “Do you know something about my day so far, Alfie?”

“What?” The other man narrowed his eyes as genuine disbelief showed on his face again and Tommy wanted to retract his question. “No. Fucking… no. I do not have any fucking clue about how your fucking day is going! Now… sit down so we can talk like fucking gentlemen.”

He sat down on the chair again and sighed, exhaling smoke towards Alfie’s desk, anxious to leave. “Thank you. Okay, so… right, your day, hell… it could be about your whole week, couldn’t it? Why don’t you just tell me what you feel like telling me?”

Tommy gave a nod and opened his arms up. “I… let one of my employees sleep with a business partner and it came around to bite me on my arse,” he confessed. Alfie didn’t say anything, so he continued. “I had a meeting with said business partner today alone, and he turned fucking guns on me. That’s about it, Alfie.”

The other man looked disappointed. “Right, so… you’ve got yourself into quite a fucking mess, haven’t you, mate? I’m confused though, Tom. Is it this business partner of yours that you want my men and fucking guns and ammunition for? Because he did you wrong?”

“No, Alfie,” he shook his head, although the idea did cross his mind. “That isn’t what I need them for. One of my men, my uncle Charlie, was shot and killed a couple nights ago by some unknown assailant. I don’t suppose it would’ve been one of your men, would it, Alfie?”

He knew the suspicion was back in his voice, but he couldn’t stop himself. His flesh and blood was murdered in cold blood by some fucking coward for no fucking reason.

Alfie pulled out his handgun in his drawer and moved over to Tommy. He was having a flashback now to their second meeting together. He stared straight ahead though, feeling strangely unfazed by the ordeal.

“Now mate, think about your next words real fucking careful… I’ve handpicked my men and trust them with my fucking life, yeah? I know we haven’t always been on the best of terms, Tommy, but I really thought you’d be fucking smart enough to know it wasn’t me or any of my boys,” Alfie warned as he cocked it. “If I wanted one of you gypsies dead, I’d make sure either me or my men had the balls to stick around to explain why I killed them. Now, I’d like you to apologize for your outrageous and frankly, uncalled for, accusation, and we’ll forget the whole thing.”

Tommy exhaled through his nose before he rubbed his eyes, feeling mentally exhausted. Talking to Alfie was like talking an IRA man. It was dangerous and pointless at the same time. He felt like he got nothing accomplished by the end of the conversation and only managed to dig himself in a hole.

“Fine, Alfie. I’m sorry, eh?”

The half-assed apology seemed to satisfy him, and he put the gun back down on the desk. “See? That’s all it took, Tom. Right, now… let me go find your fucking weaponry, shall I? You know the way back to the door. I’ll meet you down there.”

Tommy nodded and then sniffed as he walked out of the office and made his way down the stairs to the front door where he came in. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced out the window. He wasn’t sure how long he had stayed here for, but it felt like ages. He was itching to get back home again. Twice now he had almost died today.

He was starting to run low on patience again when he saw Alfie coming towards him with two large bags, dropping them both at Tommy’s feet.

“Right, well, this was all I could find without emptying myself out entirely so, guns, and ammunition, yeah?”

Tommy leaned down and opened them up halfway before he zipped them back up and grabbed them, slinging them both over his shoulders, nodding to Alfie. He quickly headed outside now and threw them in the back of his car before he started to drive back to Birmingham.

**…….. … ……. …**

By the time he arrived back on Watery Lane, the sun was low in the sky, peaking out from behind the Garrison. He parked and grabbed the bags before he made his way inside Shelby Company Limited. As he arrived inside, he saw everyone glance over at him, with the exception of Aunt Polly, Ada, Esme, Arthur, Finn, and John who stopped their work completely and stared at him with cold eyes.

He looked around and saw Lizzie handing something to Scudboat. He cleared his throat. There was no way he’d be able to keep this a secret for much longer. It was time to tell them the situation.

“Right, Lizzie, Ada, John, Esme, Arthur… Pol, Finn… family meeting.” He started to lead them to the meeting room and saw them all enter it, closing it behind Lizzie.

Aunt Pol looked aghast upon seeing her enter as well. She crossed her arms in front of her. “Excuse me? Why the hell is she in here? This is a family meeting, isn’t it?”

Tommy sharply inhaled to calm himself down, ready to explode. “She is family, Pol. She’s allowed in.”

“How dare you even say –ʺ

Tommy cut across her now, finally feeling his blood boiling furiously inside of him. “I said she’s family!” He yelled. “That’s fucking final!”

His outburst seemed to quiet her now and Aunt Pol lit a cigarette and sat down with Arthur, Ada and Esme. John was still standing, along with Finn. Tommy took a deep breath but before he was able to say anything, Arthur spoke first.

“Right, Tommy… so what is all this about then, eh? Can you explain why Lizzie had to tell us your fuckin’ whereabouts and we came to see ye about to be killed? Why did you go there alone, and why?”

Tommy clenched his jaw. “I’m about to get there, Arthur.”

“Well can you fucking get there soon?” Aunt Pol asked in irritation. “Why Lizzie? Fucking Lizzie.”

Tommy looked over at her now, but she didn’t look angry about what Aunt Polly was saying about her. If anything, she looked worried. About what, he didn’t know yet, but he had more important business to get down to.

“Everyone, shut up. Charlie was fucking killed a couple days ago, yeah? We’re low on men, and guns, and ammunition, so I was trying to get all three of those things. Lizzie was fucking helping me with it so don’t even start going off on her, Pol,” he threatened.

“I’m sure she was helping you. More like sleeping with the enemy,” John remarked icily.

“Fuck you!” Lizzie suddenly shouted at him from across the table.

Tommy rubbed the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache forming. “Look, all you need to know was that she was helping me, I went in alone, you all know the fucking rest, eh? We still needed what we have now, so I went to –ʺ

“Oh, Tom,” Arthur begged now, shaking his head. “Don’t say fucking Camden town…”

“ – I went to Camden town,” Tommy continued as if he hadn’t heard Arthur’s interruption. “I went there, and made a deal with Alfie, and he promised me his men and his guns.”

“You made a fucking deal with him?” John scoffed. “Fucking Alfie… fucking Camden town!”

Tommy felt like he was quickly losing it. He wanted to take one of the guns off the table and just aim it at himself, letting his brains shoot across the room. “Yes! I made a fucking deal with him and he let me have some protection! The deal is done so that’s fucking that! If anyone else has a problem with this, then they can talk to me personally. Meeting’s fucking over. Lizzie, come along.”

The whole family looked personally affronted by Tommy’s speech but no one else said a word to his face as he started out of the meeting room. Lizzie hurried over to follow him but neither said a word until they were in her office and he had closed the door before he pulled the shade down.

“I’ve had about enough of my family today…”

Lizzie stood there awkwardly, watching him before he sat down and lit a cigarette, sighing heavily. “Tommy, I’m sorry about this morning –ʺ

“Why did you do it, Lizzie, eh?” He asked gently, leaning back to look at her.

She crossed her arms across her chest and shifted uneasily. “What do you want me to say?” She cringed slightly as she shifted her weight and it made Tommy tense up slightly.

“I just want you to tell me the truth, just like you’ve always done. Whatever the reason, I promise no harm will come to you.”

“I was worried about you,” Lizzie admitted. “Mr. Smith was… awful to me last night and I knew he wasn’t a decent person. I was worried that he might hurt you, Tommy, so… I told Arthur what was going on, where you were, what I was afraid might have happened. I-I’m so sorry,” she apologized again.

He stood up now and he took his cigarette out of his mouth before he held it down at his side. He leaned in slowly and then pressed his lips against Lizzie’s softly. He leaned back and searched her face. “It’s okay, Lizzie. Believe it or not, I’m glad you did it. I’m glad you told him.”

She seemed to relax slightly, searching his face. “You are?”

He gave a nod. “Aye, of course I am. If it wasn’t for you, I’d be a dead man.”

She saw the regret on his face when he said this and heard the unspoken words of: _and I wish I was one. _Lizzie reached up and placed her hands on either side of his face, and felt him lean in, rest his head on her shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re not dead, Tommy,” she whispered. “I know what you’re doing to protect all of us, and I appreciate it. I know it couldn’t have been easy for you to come to a truce with Alfie in Camden, but I’m grateful that you did, because I know you did it for all of us.”

“I did it for you,” Tommy whispered, almost inaudibly. “I did it to help protect you, Lizzie.” His voice was soft and sleepy.

She ran her fingers through the fuzzy patch of hair on the back of his head and kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”

“I’m so tired, Lizzie. Take me home, eh?”

She knew that he didn’t mean to his own house. He hadn’t stayed there for months now. Lizzie nodded and made him stand back up straight before she grabbed her coat from the back of her chair, and led him out and downstairs. They both ignored the icy looks of his brothers as they headed towards her flat.

Once they arrived home, and the door had closed to her flat behind them, both of them started taking off their clothes as quickly as they could, both feeling the need to feel desirable, wanted, free.

A trail of clothes lay strewn on the cold wooden floor but neither one of them cared as they let their bodies crash upon the other like waves on a rock in bed. She held him close, kissing his skin as he thrusted passionately into her. For an hour, they didn’t have to think about enemies, guns, family, or truces.

All they thought about was each other, and that was enough.


	7. follow the rules

**. . .**

Tommy woke up with a start early the next morning, soaked in sweat. He felt his heart hammering quickly in his ribcage with panic as he sat up in bed. He nearly jumped when he felt a soft hand touch his shoulder as Lizzie sat up as well; he had completely forgotten where he was.

“Did you have another nightmare?” She whispered in the dark.

He let out a shaky breath, only able to nod. Tommy ran a hand through his hair and looked around in the bleak darkness. As far as his mind could tell, he was still underground, still in his dream. Thankfully, Lizzie leaned over quickly and turned the light on.

“What happened in your dream?” she asked softly, her bare body hugging his from behind. He took her hand that was resting on his shoulder and held it in his own, caressing her skin.

“I dreamt that I was in the ground, tunneling again, but Charlie was there with me. We were digging and digging and… suddenly I heard a gunshot, and I turned around and… he was just… fucking laying on his back, bleeding from his head,” he took another shaky breath and let go of Lizzie to pour himself a drink before tossing it back quickly.

She moved closer to him and kissed his shoulder blade lightly. “It was only a bad dream. It’s not real.”

He gave a nod before he sighed heavily. “It may have just been a dream, but Charlie is still dead and I’m still fucking miserable about it. How do I get over this, Lizzie? I have business and I can’t let this distract me.”

She was surprised he was opening up to her so much right now; it was rare when he confessed when he was sad. When he was angry, it was obvious. He never tried to hide that emotion. It was just sadness and depression that he didn’t like others to know he was suffering.

She quickly slipped on her underwear before moving around to the other side of the bed that he was facing so she could look him in the eye. She moved in close and took his hands, kneeling down in front of him. It wasn’t so much of a submissive gesture than loyalty.

“Tommy… you lost someone you loved. He was your family. You don’t get over it, ever, but I promise you, I’m going to help you get through this,” Lizzie searched his face with soft eyes.

He desperately searched her eyes, as if every answer he was looking for were swimming in them. “He basically raised me, Lizzie. He was more of a father than my father was. How am I supposed to just… keep going? I’m tired of this life. I’m so fucking tired of it.”

Lizzie nodded in understanding but moved closer to him. “I know, I know you are, Tommy. Look how far you’ve come though? Do you really think you made it through France just to quit now? You’re a fighter. You always have been. You need to just… keep fighting until the war is over.”

“What war, Lizzie?”

She kissed his lips gently. “The war against your family. Against us. You just have to keep fighting because you can’t leave me here alone. This war isn’t over yet, but I’m here to help you this time, yeah? I’m here for you.”

Thomas Shelby exhaled through his nose, nodding before he rested his hands on her bare waist, gently thumbing her soft skin. He was quiet for several minutes, just touching her gently before he finally spoke. “I still haven’t found the bastard that killed him.”

“You will,” she assured him before she stood up. “I know you will. Come on, let’s have a bath.”

He nodded and followed her into her bathroom. Once he they filled the tub with warm water, they both got in and washed up before she let her body rest against his strong one, feeling his arm around her protectively.

They enjoyed each other’s silent company for about fifteen minutes, just holding the other and being grateful they were alive. Tommy occasionally planted a soft, barely there, kiss to her neck.

“I’m sorry, Lizzie,” he suddenly spoke up. “For making you sleep with him for my own business doings. I shouldn’t have involved you.”

She caressed his fingers that held her close. “Don’t be. I wanted to help you, and… maybe that was the only way that I could.”

He shook his head, but she didn’t see him; she could feel the movement behind her, though, feeling his eyes piercing into her back. He moved his arm from her body and instead, lightly wrapped it around her front, still holding her close, as if he were afraid he might lose her at any moment.

“I could’ve found another way for you to help. I didn’t need you to use your body for it, Lizzie. Anyway, it all went to waste.”

Curiosity peaked inside of her now. “Why? What else did he want from you before he would give you the guns?”

He swallowed hard and clenched his jaw at the thought. “He wanted… three more nights, alone with you. I refuse to let him touch you again. He hurt you, and worse, he broke my trust if he did what you say he did. How could I ever trust a man like that?”

Lizzie felt touched to her core. She knew that he felt strongly about her, but she didn’t think that he would put her first instead of business by telling Smith no to his demands of wanting her. Tommy cared about her welfare.

“You surprise me sometimes, Tommy Shelby.”

This made him smirk slightly, relaxing his body. He kissed the nape of her neck. “I’m a surprising guy, Lizzie.”

They stayed like that until the water became too cold to withstand anymore, and then they both got out, toweled off, and got changed into their day clothes. He glanced over at her once he was done.

“Ready to head out?”

She was still straightening out her dress. “Go on, I’ll meet you there.”

“No,” he suddenly said firmly. “I’m going to go with you to Shelby Company Limited. I don’t like the idea of you going alone, especially since everything that happened yesterday. So, let’s go, Lizzie, eh?”

It wasn’t so much of a command than a plea. He wouldn’t command her to do anything that wasn’t in her best interest. He cleared his throat and waited for her to finish getting ready and started to walk her down the street.

“You really think anyone would dare attack us here? With all your family walking around?” She had to walk quickly to keep up with him, but she found she had the extra energy to do so today.

He glanced over at her before he looked around cautiously and lit a cigarette, taking a drag. “There’s no telling, is there? Smith lives on the next street over, and whoever shot my uncle, did so in his own yard with our men walking about.”

That was a detail that Lizzie hadn’t even thought about. “How did they do it, though? That would’ve been impossible. You would’ve thought _someone_ would have seen _something_ out of the ordinary.”

“You would think,” Tommy agreed, gently putting an arm on the middle of her back so she didn’t fall behind as they walked. “We’re going to have another family meeting this morning, so… I want you to gather up our family and meet me in the room in ten minutes, you got that?”

She nodded, wondering what this meeting was going to be about, considering how well the last one went yesterday. They walked inside and she felt a weight lift off of her. She felt safer, despite being around his Aunt and John who both wanted to kill her themselves.

She saw Tommy disappear now and she sighed, knowing she had to round up everyone. She decided to start with the easiest first and went over to Finn, gently touching his arm to get his attention just as he hung up a phone.

“Tommy says family meeting in ten.”

He nodded and gave her a polite smile. “All right. I’ll go tell Arthur.”

She watched him leave and then walked over to Esme but didn’t bother to stop walking. “Meeting in ten,” she announced, not waiting to hear her complaint before she headed over to Aunt Polly.

“Tommy says he wants to have a family meeting in ten minutes.”

Aunt Pol took the cigarette out of her mouth and turned her heel on Lizzie. “Didn’t we just have a family meeting less than twenty-four hours ago? What the hell’s this one about, then?”

She shrugged. “No idea. He just told me to make sure you all were there.”

Aunt Polly gave her a scrutinizing once over before looking at her again. “Do you always do everything Tommy says? Do you polish his shoes and press his clothes as well, or is your best performance on your knees?”

Lizzie sighed, feeling tired of all the prostitute jokes from his family, but she didn’t feel brave enough to say so. “You give me shit for following Tommy’s orders, but the rest of you do the exact same thing as well, because you know there will be hell to pay if you don’t.” With that, she walked away from her and headed to the meeting room to wait for Tommy.

She sat down and then lit a cigarette of her own, fighting the urge to drink something strong, at least until the meeting was over. Everyone started to pile inside, feeling grateful that Finn and Arthur had mentioned the meeting to John too, since Lizzie really hadn’t felt like speaking to him and getting lip back.

Tommy was the last one inside, but he also brought in Scudboat, Ada, and Jeremiah with him before closing the doors.

Aunt Polly looked at Tommy. “Right, so what is this meeting about then, Tommy?”

Lizzie could tell he was not in the mood to take her comments but fighting back the urge to say anything. Instead, he took a drag off his cigarette and looked around. “Right, well, as you know, it hasn’t been safe to walk freely around here lately. Unfortunately, the women have decided not to adhere to the new instructions of having one of _us_ to walk them.”

Ada rolled her eyes and Polly stood up. “Fucking no. I don’t need a man to walk me anywhere! I carry a gun… no one’s going to try anything.”

“You don’t know that, Pol,” John suddenly chimed in. “Charlie was a bloke and they still killed him.”

Tommy pointed at his brother. “Exactly. Whoever killed him, wanted to get to us, but they could’ve easily killed any of the women instead. They chose him, because he was my uncle, and they knew it would’ve hit all of us the hardest. So, it’s not a fucking request. It’s a command. Any of you, not just the women, but _any_ one of you want to go somewhere, go in pairs. For the women, even if you decide to pair up, take one or two of my men with you, yeah? For my own peace of fucking mind.”

“Is that it? Can we go now?” Pol asked impatiently.

Tommy sighed but made a moving motion with his arms. He looked at Scudboat before speaking under his breath. “Despite what she says or does, keep an eye on her. Go wherever she does.”

Scudboat nodded obediently and followed Aunt Polly out of the room. He moved over to Lizzie and stood over her, taking a drag from his own cigarette before he put it out. “Do you think any of them will listen to me?”

She smirked and shrugged. “Probably not, but I’m sure the men will keep an eye on us. Will you keep an eye on me, then, Tommy?”

His own smile faded now, and he sighed. “I’m not sure if that’s a good idea, to be honest, Lizzie. If anything, I’d be putting you in more danger, and that’s the last thing I ever want to do.”

“I thought I meant a lot to you?” She teased.

“You do,” he nodded once, his eyes hardened and serious. “That’s why I’m assigning two of my men to watch you when I’m not around, or away. Are you all right with Finn being one of them?”

“What about the other girls?”

Tommy shrugged. “Esme has John. Ada has Arthur. Aunt Pol has Scudboat. I’m not as worried about them. They’ll be protected just fine by men I trust. I ask again, how do you feel about Finn being one of the men?”

Lizzie nodded, smiling lovingly at him. “Yeah, all right. I don’t mind him at all. Who will be the second one?”

“I haven’t decided yet, but… I need my men to take care of things around here as well, so… one of the men might have to be one of Alfie’s men to watch you,” he tested, searching her face for a reaction.

Lizzie felt her heart sink and she tensed a little. “You’re joking.”

“Do I ever joke, Lizzie?”

She sighed, looking around in annoyance. “You trust them, any of them? You know what men are like, Tommy. You know what they can do.”

“Oh, trust me, Lizzie. No one knows what men can do as much as you do. I trust them as much as Alfie trusts them, and I’m forced to trust him right now. You need to be protected, and the only other available man is Finn from my side. He’s strong and quick, but… he’s young, and can get distracted.”

“What about Jeremiah? I trust him.”

“Jeremiah’s going to be busy looking after Aunt Pol as well. Anyway, he’s one of the men I need here to do things.”

“What if he tries something, Alfie’s man?”

Tommy’s jaw clenched in predicted anger at the thought. “Then… either, you do whatever is necessary to make him stop, or… you come to me, and I’ll make it stop permanently.”

Lizzie felt oddly better at his answer. She wouldn’t hesitate to try and make it stop by herself first, as long as she was armed. “Fine.”

“It’s settled then,” he said with finality. “Anything else?”

“Just promise me you’ll be careful?”

“Careful with Alfie? Or home business? Or the business with my uncle?”

She shrugged. “All of it.”

He took her hands and gently helped her up on her feet before he tucked her hair behind her ear out of her face. “I promise… Lizzie Stark, that I’ll be as careful as I can be. You make me want to live,” he whispered the last part, as if it were a dirty secret. “And that’s more than anyone’s ever made me feel. I owe you a debt that I can never repay, Lizzie. If I’m going to be careful, it’s because I want to see you and feel you again.”

She smiled brightly now. “Good. That makes me feel better.”

“All right, good then. Anyway,” he cleared his throat. “You want to go anywhere – you take Finn for now. He likes you… he’ll be more than happy to take you anywhere you need to go.”

She laughed now. “He likes me? What does that mean exactly?”

He cracked a smirk now, also chuckling. “He’s sweet on you, Lizzie. He’s been sweet on you since you became my receptionist. If he tries anything as well, you let me know.”

She laughed again, shaking her head. “Oh my god, Tommy. You’re unbelievable. Finn is a very sweet boy, but that’s all I see him as. A boy.”

“He may be a boy, but he knows how to shoot a gun, and cut our enemies, and those two things are going to be important now more than ever,” his voice became serious again. “So, let him do his job and watch over you, yeah?”

She smiled softly and nodded. “Fine, all right,” she sighed.

Tommy smirked as he watched her. She reminded him of Ada, someone who hated to be told what to do, that she had to be protected, and hated to be told to be careful. Unlike Ada, however, Lizzie understood his business. She was intelligent, more so than anyone gave her credit for. She got frustrated with him from time to time, but she fucking _understood_, and he loved her for her understanding.

He caressed her jaw gently, searching her face. As she searched his sad eyes and got lost in them, she could see him sinking again from all the weight.

“Don’t let this pull you under, Tommy,” she said, not unkindly. “Don’t let the business with Charlie drag you down, like an anchor. You’ll sink and sink until you’ve hit rock bottom and there’s nowhere to go.”

Her words startled him a bit, making him shake his head in denial. “I’m fine, Lizzie. I’m fine.”

“You always say you’re fine,” she sighed, pulling away from him as she walked over to her desk to start work.

“Because I always am,” he shrugged, avoiding her face. He cleared his throat and ran his hands over his hair to neaten it and gave her one last glance. “Right, I’m going to send Finn up here now. I’m going to Camden to go hand pick Alfie’s men.”

This made her glance up at him. “Weren’t you just in Camden yesterday?”

“I was.”

“And Alfie didn’t think he should give you his men yesterday, along with the guns?” She asked, almost skeptically.

Tommy shrugged. “Mr. Solomons is an unconventional man, Lizzie. He personally does these things to annoy me. He forces everyone else to be on his clock. I have no control over it if I still want him for an ally.”

She didn’t like any of this. To her, this felt suspicious, but she didn’t want to say so. She loved Tommy, but she didn’t want to question his loyalty to Alfie, and she didn’t want to accuse his ally of being an enemy.

“I suppose I should start working then,” she spoke quietly, starting to type up a letter.

He looked conflicted, like he knew she was keeping something from him, but he also didn’t want to hear it. He knew that she had an amazing intuition about these things, and he knew that he should listen to her. The gypsy in him was telling him to head any advice she had, even if she wasn’t one. It was their time together that gave him experience of her intuitions and bad feelings about things that made him trust her.

He had his hand on the doorknob when he suddenly moved quickly back towards the desk and put his hands on it in front of her, worry suddenly in his eyes.

“What is it, Lizzie? What do you feel?”

She sat back and looked up at him, feeling her own war going on inside of her. She chewed anxiously on her lip before she exhaled. “I’m just feeling bad things about Alfie being your ally. I’m afraid he might try to betray you, again.”

Tommy thought back to when Alfie had killed Billy Kitchen, and had both Arthur and Michael thrown in jail, all in one night. He knew that he should know better than to team back up with Alfie and his men after what they had done to Tommy’s people, but allies were hard to find these days. Anyway, he needed to find Charlie’s killer still. Maybe he could do that by befriending Alfie again, get close to him.

He could come up with a million reasons why he was doing this, and a million more why he shouldn’t be, but he felt in his bones that he needed to do this; it was his destiny.

His shoulders slumped and he nodded at Lizzie in acknowledgement. “I’ll be careful. Thank you, Lizzie. I’ll see you later, eh?”

She nodded and watched as he left her office, closing the door behind her. Lizzie typed for about ten more minutes before she took the letter out and folded it up, sitting back in her seat. A part of her wished she hadn’t told him; they were only feelings. She wasn’t anything like Aunt Pol who could accurately predict things. She had been wrong before about her own feelings, but there were also times when she had been right, and Tommy had figured it out.

She was at least glad that he wanted to hear her out and be warned instead of never seeing it coming again. Thoughts of him distracted her as she began typing up more letters that were to be sent out, but she felt warmth in her bones at the thought of seeing Tommy later.

It made putting up with his family worth the aggravation. 


	8. trust

**. . .**

“Tommy! You must really miss me, seeing me again so soon, mate.”

He closed his eyes for a few moments at the sound of Alfie’s harsh Camden voice. He clenched his jaw tightly to keep from cringing at it, and then took a deep breath before clearing his throat and finally looked at him.

“Well we have to do these things your way, so I’ll do what I need to do. I do have one request, however.”

Alfie ran a tired hand through his hair and put his hands on his hips, body hunched over. “You do, do ya? Well, it just… fucking depends on what your request is, don’t it? I may say yes, I may say fuck off. Well go on, then, Tommy… what is it?”

He stared deadeye at Alfie, feeling frustration already beginning to boil inside of him. “My only condition is this; I pick the men to take back with me. If they wrong me, I won’t hesitate to cut them blind. If you wrong me, then I won’t hesitate to fucking kill you, Alfie.”

Alfie scratched his beard in thought. “Well, that’s fucking three conditions, innit? I don’t know where you went to school, mate, but it seems to be like you don’t know how to count properly,”

Tommy ignored Alfie’s criticism, continuing to stare at him, burying his anger deep inside. If it wasn’t for needing more protection for Lizzie and his family, he wouldn’t even be here. He couldn’t afford to lose his temper, though.

He took out a cigarette and placed it between his lips instead, and then struck a match before lighting the cigarette. He blinked as he took a drag and leaned back in the chair before slowly exhaling, waiting for Alfie to talk again, because he knew this man; Alfie Solomons _always_ had to have the last bloody word.

“Well, I won’t fault you for your piss poor education, Tommy. I thought on it, yeah? I agree to your terms, of course. Cut them down if they betray ye, I would do the same with yours so fair is fair. Tell me, Tom, do you still write peoples’ names on your fucking bullets of those you plan to kill?”

Tommy took another drag, quiet for several minutes before he changed the subject. “Where are they then, eh?”

The abrupt change in topic seemed to throw Alfie off. “Come again?”

“Your men,” Tommy clarified, exhaling. “Where are your men, eh? I would like to get back home today. So, if you’d like to point me in the direction, I’ll be checking them out and taking them back with me.”

“Checkin’ them out? What exactly do you mean by that?”

Tommy wanted to scream at him, ‘_what the fuck do you think it means?’_ but he restrained himself. He cleared his throat again and took another drag.

“It means, Mr. Solomons, that I’m going to hand pick out your men myself. I know what I’m looking for, and I’m looking for someone who won’t fucking betray me or my kin,” he replied simply.

Alfie sighed and searched Tommy’s eyes for several seconds before he motioned for Tommy to follow him. “Well, all right then. If you will, Tom, I’ll lead you to my men so you can perform your fucking gypsy magic to feel them out.”

Tommy ignored his comment but stood up and followed Alfie out of his office and downstairs. He glanced around, mentally counting no more than thirty men in the building. “I can’t help but notice you don’t have many men, Mr. Solomons. Is there a reason for that?”

Alfie glanced back at him and shrugged. “I suppose you could say that we recently had a decrease in numbers due to fucking betrayal. They didn’t want to do what they were told, so I had to release them of their fucking duties. How many men do you have these days, Tommy? Forty, fifty?”

Of course, he wasn’t going to answer that. He wasn’t going to put his whole family at risk by telling Alfie how many of them there were left for him to kill. He was silent at his question and when Alfie realized that Tommy wasn’t going to give an answer, he turned back around again and didn’t stop walking until they had reached another section of the building where there were men working but they stopped upon immediately seeing both men coming towards them.

“Line up!” Alfie barked hoarsely.

Tommy watched as ten of the men stood in two lines of five, chins up, eyes straight ahead.

“As you are all fucking aware, some of you will be going back to Birmingham with Tommy Shelby here! If I hear of any of you harming any of them, I ain’t going to save ye! You fucking traitors will get you what you deserve! When you’re with them, you’re still with me! All right; go on then, Tommy. Pick out ye men.”

Tommy started to pace slowly, examining each men carefully. Alfie hadn’t been far off; Tommy’s scrutinization of his men was partly ‘gypsy magic,’ feelings mostly. Similar to Lizzie’s, but these ones only came to him when he was around someone. Half of his feelings though, were simply common sense.

He saw Alfie take a step back before he straightened himself and crossed his arms in front of his chest, as if he was daring any of his men to say otherwise. Tommy walked past the first four men; those would be the first to cross him.

He stepped in front of the fifth man, and eyed him up and down. The man was younger, but still older than Finn by at least four years. He had a hard jaw, but softer eyes than the first four. He looked as if he might have lived in Birmingham before; he just had the look of it to Tommy.

“What’s your name?”

The man stared straight ahead still. “Sam, Samuel. Samuel Issacs, Mr. Shelby.”

Alfie walked over to him, arms still crossed but uncrossed them momentarily to point at Samuel. “Now don’t let this fucker fool you, Tommy… he may look like a little duckling but he’s actually a wolf. That’s what we call him here, it is. The fucking Wolf. Lemme tell ye, Tom, this lad blends in like you wouldn’t fucking believe; we use him for all our jobs. He does it efficiently and effectively, he does.”

Tommy raised an eyebrow, feeling somewhat impressed by Alfie’s selling of him. He immediately became suspicious, turning back to the other gangster now. “You think you’ll be all right without him, Alfie? If he’s as valuable as you say, why are you eager to give the lad to me then, eh?”

The other man looked taken back. “Well _fuck_, Tommy, if you don’t fucking want him, then fucking leave him here then! I’m trying to do a fucking favor, mate. If you’re just going to be fucking… ungrateful, then I’ll keep him.”

Tommy sighed inwardly and rubbed the bridge of his nose before looking at Samuel. “You’re going to come with me, Mr. Issacs,” he cleared his throat and started to look at the remaining men. He honestly wanted to stop this nonsense since he found the man that would help Finn keep an eye and protect Lizzie. He wanted to go back home to Birmingham.

He picked out the remaining four men that he decided would ride back with him. He didn’t have as good a feeling with them as he did with Samuel, but they needed men, and he had nowhere else to turn to. If these were the men that Alfie trusted with his life, then Tommy would have to get over his good and bad feelings and bite the bullet.

“Very well, Tommy… are you happy now? You’ve got my best men with ye now! Do you trust me a little bit more now?”

He didn’t say anything else as he motioned for the men to follow him out, but Alfie wasn’t going to let Tommy ignore him and he was soon following him.

“Eh, Tommy… just so we’re all squared off, remember that you’ll owe me, letting you take my best fucking men like this. If I ever need you, then I’ll call on you and pick out your men to do my dirty work, yes?”

He turned around when he got to his car and spit into his hand, watched Alfie do the same, and shook his hand firmly. “It’s a deal. Don’t fuck me over again, eh, Alfie?” His voice was easy-going, but his eyes were ice, a contradiction that made even Alfie shiver slightly.

“Yes, right, Tom. I’ll definitely be sure not to do that again, I will. It was a pleasure seeing you again, Tommy, now kindly fuck off.”

He didn’t need to be told twice; he was eager as hell to get back home. He glanced at Samuel. “You’re with me, Mr. Issacs. The rest of you find a ride to Birmingham.” He got into his car and waited until the younger man got in the passenger seat before he started it up and started to drive.

Behind him, he saw the other men pairing up in two other vehicles and started to follow him.

“E-Err… why did you pick me to ride with you, Mr. Shelby?”

He cleared his throat and looked at Samuel, seeing anxiety written on his face. He couldn’t believe this kid was known as The Wolf. “I picked you to ride with me because we have quite a long drive ahead of us, and I’d like to get to know you better; you’re going to be helping my kid brother look after a close friend of mine.”

Any anxiety the young man seemed to have quickly faded and his body relaxed. “Anything to help you, sir.”

“Eh? You’re all right with looking after women then, are you? I’m warning you that my whole family basically has a target on their backs and my uncle Charlie has already been killed. It’s why I’ve recruited the lot of you,” Tommy shouted over the sound of the engine.

The man ran a hand through his dark hair and looked at Tommy. “I don’t mind doing it. You said I have to protect her then, yeah, your friend?”

He glanced over at him. “By any means necessary, Mr. Issacs. I mean that. Just don’t get yourself caught,” he waited a beat before clearing his throat again. “Why do they call you The Wolf? A young lad like you, you look more like what the wolf eats, eh?”

The remark appeared to throw Samuel off because he was stunned into silence for more than a few minutes, but then seemed to find his voice. “I suppose it’s because I prey on people, so to speak. When I’m done with the bad ones, there’s just blood and bones left.”

The tone in which Samuel spoke surprised even Tommy. He hadn’t expected it to come from the young man next to him at all. It wasn’t a bad surprise, though, not by a long shot. In fact, quite the contrary; he had hoped to hear it. At first, Tommy couldn’t believe this kid was going to be the one to protect Lizzie, but now he felt a little more confident about his decision.

He let out a joyful chuckle before clapping him on the back and relaxing a bit. He didn’t forget where this man came from, of course, but he felt better about being in his company. The rest of the drive was filled with light conversation, several cigarettes, and questions before they ended up back in Birmingham.

_Of fucking course,_ it was already getting dark. Going to Camden and back was an all-day affair, usually because Alfie couldn’t make anything easy. He had to chat Tommy’s fucking ear off and occasionally glaze their conversation over with idle threats to let him know who was actually in charge.

After parking, he saw two other cars behind him park and then watched as his men gathered around to see the newcomers and hear Tommy’s explanation for bringing them here.

He coughed and then pointed to all of Alfie’s men as they gathered closer to him. He looked out at the rest of the Blinders. “These are Alfie’s men, but they’ve come to help protect our kin! They’ve come to help find Charlie’s murderer. For the time being, consider them kin also.”

With that, Tommy decided to let that hang thick in the air, already seeing the displeasure on a lot of the men, and on Aunt Pol, Ada, and Esme’s faces, as well as Arthur and John’s. He didn’t give a shit right now about any of them, at least not right now. He looked at Issacs.

“Come on, then. Follow me.” He started walking into the betting shop and upstairs where Lizzie was still working.

Not bothering to knock, he opened the door. “Lizzie,” he started, seeing her look up from the typewriter. “This will be one of the men looking after you. Samuel Issacs. Sam, this is my close friend, Lizzie.”

Samuel tipped his hat politely. “Miss.”

Lizzie looked displeased with the term of being a ‘close friend,’ but didn’t say anything outright about it. She gave a tight smile to the newcomer. “Hello, Mr. Issacs. It’s nice meeting you.”

It was then when Finn opened the door but then stopped dead in his tracks seeing one of Alfie’s men, and he gave a questioning look from the man to Tommy.

“I thought you wanted me to keep an eye on Lizzie, Tom?”

Tommy gave a relaxed smile. “I want both of you to. I can’t be around all the time, as you know, Finn. It’s going to be up to you two to protect her, eh?”

Finn gave a once over at Samuel before looking over at Lizzie, who simply shrugged, irritation written all over her face. Tommy was beginning to lose patience at Finn’s reluctance to be on the same side as one of Alfie’s man.

“Eh?” He questioned again, this time louder. “Come on! Both of you, right now, shake fucking hands and accept that we’re on the same fucking side, right now.”

Finn sighed and put his hand out reluctantly before Samuel took it and shook it, then the youngest Shelby retracted his hand quickly. “Can I talk to Lizzie for a minute, alone?”

Tommy looked from Lizzie to Samuel and wrapped an arm around him. “Come on, Issacs. Let’s go have a drink in the Garrison. You can find out what good whiskey tastes like, eh?”

He didn’t leave room for discussion and started to lead him out of the betting shop, deciding to give Finn time with Lizzie. He was no doubt going to complain about his circumstances and he didn’t want to be around to hear him whinge about it anyway.

Lizzie watched the two men leave and stood up to pour herself and Finn a cup of tea. “I don’t like this any more than you do, Finn.”

The youngest Shelby brother took the cup of tea from her before sipping it and set it down on the desk. “How do we even know we can trust him? Alfie fucked us over once before… why should we suddenly trust him and his men now?”

She knew she had to help Tommy in getting Finn to be on the same side as them, even though she didn’t want to be. “We’re a man short, Finn. We need more men to make sure that what happened to Charlie doesn’t happen again to anyone else, yeah?” She gave him a gentle smile.

This seemed to defuse the situation a little and temper Finn’s anger. He shrugged but then nodded in agreement before he sat down and took another drink of tea.

“Tommy trusts all of them, and we should too. Do you want to know a secret, Finn?” When she saw him lean forward a little bit and nod, she continued, her voice soft and calm. “We don’t have to trust them one-hundred percent. We shouldn’t, because we know how quickly they can turn on us. We should trust them only as much as we feel is right in the moment.”

Finn nodded, seemingly satisfied with this answer. “If he touches you one fucking time, I’m going to cut him.”

_Oh fuck, maybe he really was sweet on her. _

“Tommy might find that disagreeable. Don’t be threatening him, Finn. We need to be on the same page, at least for now. Swallow your anger and accept they’re going to be around for a while, at least until it’s safe again.”

He scoffed but took another sip of tea before breaking out his cigarettes, placing one in his mouth. She reached across and took it from him before placing it between her own lips and lighting it. He looked indignantly at her, but a smirk crossed his face.

“Why do you get to smoke and I don’t, then, Lizzie?”

She took a drag from it before she smirked back at him. “Because you’re just a kid, and don’t need you coughing like Tommy does. You can smoke when you’re older, and then you can see how bad it actually is for you.”

“That’s bollocks,” Finn chuckled before taking another sip of tea. “If he tries anything with you, though, let me know. I’ll cut off his hands so he can’t do it again.”

Lizzie looked at him sternly now, rolling her eyes. “That’s enough, Finn! I don’t want to hear about you cutting anything off of anyone! Let it go. Same side, yeah? For fuck’s sake, Finn, we don’t want to get into another war.”

“I’m just on your side, Lizzie. Whatever you want, though.”

She decided to leave the subject at that, deciding that he wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want him to do. The last thing Tommy needed right now was any reason for Alfie not to trust any of them by cutting or killing his men.

She took another drag of the cigarette before she glanced out the window outside where Tommy was bringing Samuel back inside the betting shop.

_Please Tommy… please don’t misplace your trust._


	9. cursed

**. . .**

It felt like a long day, and Lizzie couldn’t wait for it to end. Arthur managed to get into a row with Samuel several times before the day was through, Finn almost came to blows with the newcomer twice, and even Aunt Pol chewed the kid out more than once. It wasn’t even that she felt sorry for Samuel, because she didn’t.

She might have told Finn earlier to lay off of him, and to her surprise he successful did, but the kid knew what he was getting into when he came here. He was one of Alfie’s men, after all. From what Tommy told her about Alfie and his men, he treated them worse than Tommy did his; of course, most of them were his kin anyway, so they knew enough not to take it personally.

The fighting and arguments didn’t seem to put the kid off, though. Once the fights were over with and Tommy had nearly grown hoarse from all the yelling, Samuel went back to whatever he had been doing.

Regardless, she was glad when he was able to leave. She had made it to the door when she heard Tommy’s voice.

“Lizzie, wait up. I’ll be coming with you.”

She didn’t argue, grateful that he would be following her back to her place. It had been a long day, and all she wanted to do was relax with him. She turned around just in time to see Finn grabbing his coat as well.

“It’s all right, Finn,” she smiled politely at him. “Tommy’s coming with me. You don’t need to follow me this time.”

He smiled back and shrugged. “I should help watch over both of you anyway.”

Lizzie saw Samuel grabbing his jacket now and walk over as well, giving both Lizzie and Finn an expectant look that he was ready to leave wherever they were going. Tommy came over and nodded to Finn and Sam before he cleared his throat, coughing a little.

“Come on, then.” He took Lizzie’s hand in his own, and then led them out of the betting shop, with the kids behind them.

She felt a bit silly, feeling like maybe they should be in front of them, leading _them_, but then again, she figured whoever had killed Charlie might try to kill them from behind anyway. Halfway there, she glanced behind them to see Finn casting looks at Samuel, who appeared more focus on their surroundings than Finn was.

This was going to be a problem; just another thing to talk to Tommy about.

When they finally arrived at Lizzie’s flat, Tommy turned around and looked at the boys. “All right… go on back home. Have some drinks together, have a chat, do whatever it’s going to take to work together, eh?”

Samuel tipped his hat politely in acknowledgement, but Finn said nothing as he turned back to walk back to Watery Lane. Lizzie headed up the stairs and unlocked the door for them before taking off her coat and hanging it up.

“Something on your mind, Lizzie?” he asked as he set his jacket on the chair and took out a cigarette, sitting on the couch.

She poured both of them a short glass of whiskey and handed one of them to him before also sitting down. The evenings had started to become cooler and cooler as it neared November, but it seemed to be always chilly in Birmingham, so that wasn’t saying too much. She took off her shoes, tired of trying to impress his family still and faced him, her knees close to her slender body.

He placed the cigarette between his lips and then reached out and grabbed her foot before he started to massage it gently, apparently seeing her discomfort. She couldn’t help but smile a bit; it was such a simple gesture, but it was rare for Tommy. Her smile turned sad, imagining now that he was doing this now to just _feel _her and to feel useful in some way that he couldn’t explain to anyone else but her.

He was suffering worse than her.

“I just don’t think still it’s a good idea to put Finn with Alfie’s man. They don’t get along, Tommy… Finn’s going to do something to him, I just know it.”

He sighed softly and looked at her, still massaging her sore feet. “I know they’re kids, Lizzie… and kids fight. When I was a kid, I fought with my brothers all the time.”

“I understand that brothers fight as kids, but Finn and this one aren’t brothers. They’re not kin, and they don’t feel an obligation to each other. This is different, and I’m just afraid it’s not going to end well,” she chewed on her lower lip before taking a drink of her whiskey.

He temporarily stopped rubbing her feet to mimic her motions, taking a long drink of his own whiskey before he went back at it again. “I get what you’re saying, Lizzie, but they have obligations to protect us, and those obligations won’t get in the way of their personal disputes. They may be kids, but they grew up the same way Alfie and I both have, and they know that business comes first, always.”

She was hesitant to argue with him about it anymore. When she looked over at him, she could see how tired he looked. She didn’t want to get into a fight with him and chance him walking out on her. If he did walk out, she knew that he’d make Finn and Samuel come back to watch the flat. She loved Finn but she didn’t know how much longer she could be without Tommy all day.

“Tell me this isn’t forever, Tommy,” she pleaded softly, holding her glass in her hand. “I don’t trust any of these men, and Finn’s still a kid. I’d rather have you watching me than any of them.”

“I know,” he nodded, taking a drag of his cigarette before exhaling. “Like I said before, Lizzie… they grew up like we did. They’ll do what needs to be done,” finally he looked over at her. “This isn’t forever. It’s not. As soon as we find the bastards that killed Charlie, we’ll kill _them_, and then Alfie’s men will be gone. and everything can go back to normal again.”

She knew that it wouldn’t last, because it never did, but she felt calmer hearing those words come from him. She watched him finish his whiskey and set the glass back on the table. Lizzie stood up and held her hand out to him. Unsurprisingly, he took it and let her lead him to the bedroom and he took off his clothes and climbed into bed. She did the same, and took a spot next to him, sitting up in bed, looking down at him with questioning eyes.

He reached up and gently cupped her cheek before he thumbed it, searching her eyes as if he were searching for something he could never find. He gently pushed her body down, but not in a suggestive manner; he just made her lay down close to him, her head in the crook of his arm, his arms around her, holding her close. She wrapped her arm around him, gently caressing his skin, his scars. She could feel his warm breath in her hair, but she didn’t mind it. She didn’t mind his smoky scent either. They were finally close again, and it were moments like these that she knew both of them craved together.

“I know it doesn’t seem like I know what I’m doing, Lizzie, but I need you to just trust me, yeah?” He whispered in the darkened room. She let her fingers trace his scars on his shoulder, sensing he wasn’t done talking yet. “I’m just trying to keep my family safe, and I feel fucking guilty that I couldn’t keep Charlie safe.”

His voice was so soft, so childlike, that it broke her heart to hear it. She kissed his chest and then looked up at him, seeing his face that was filled with uncertainty. “I know, Tommy,” she whispered back. “I do, I do trust you. I’m just worried is all. I know you’re doing what you think is best to keep us safe, but do you really trust Alfie’s men? He’s fucked us over so many times… and here you are, doing business with him again. I’m sorry for questioning you, Tommy, but… it’s not that I don’t trust you. It’s that I don’t trust _them_.”

Lizzie had half expected him to start fighting with her about it, but he didn’t seem to have the energy to. He was quiet for a few moments before he spoke again, running is fingers through her hair.

“There’s a part of me that doesn’t completely trust any of them either, but Alfie gave me his word that if they betrayed me, I could kill them. He doesn’t have all that many men as it is, and I feel like if he made that promise to me, then he wouldn’t put their lives at risk like that. I have to trust Alfie right now, if nothing else.”

She didn’t want to tell Tommy how Alfie could benefit from the Peaky Blinders’ demise, because he _must_ already know that; Tommy Shelby wasn’t stupid. He was a businessman, and she knew he always tried to think one step ahead of everyone else. She was still here and alive, so he must be doing something right.

“You can trust Alfie, Tommy… just don’t trust him more than any of us,” she searched his face, and could see that she got through to him.

He kissed her lips tenderly and then held her closer to him, and she did the same. They stayed like that for the rest of the night, occasionally switching positions, but always holding each other.

They hadn’t been sleeping more than a few hours when they both heard a hard rapping at the door. The two of them instinctively got at least decently dressed, Lizzie and Tommy both in their underwear, before she pulled a dress over her body, and slipped her shoes back on quickly, and Tommy in his pants and a sweater and shoes before they hurried over to the door and opened it, seeing Ada in tears, crying uncontrollably as she tried to fight through them to explain what was happening.

He put his hands up and gently placed them on her shoulders before looking her in the eye. “Ada! Calm down… what happened, eh? Are you hurt?” He looked her up and down for any sign of injury, but she appeared to be unharmed, which just added to the confusion.

Lizzie moved a bit closer to Ada but also tried to stay out of the way at the same time, figuring she might be more likely to tell Tommy than her.

“Ada – take a breath, yeah? Take a breath and tell me what happened!”

She suddenly started pushing him, and punching his chest, but Lizzie could tell even in her anger she was still holding back some.

“He’s dead! He’s fucking dead and it’s your fucking fault, Tommy!” Ada screamed at him, still pushing him. “He’s dead!”

“Who’s fucking dead?” Tommy yelled back, reaching out to grab her hands. “Who’s fucking dead, Ada? Fucking tell me!”

“A-Arthur!” Ada cried, ripping her hands from his weakly. “Arthur’s fucking dead!”

Tommy stumbled back, not having expected that, but he put a face on and looked at Lizzie before putting his hand out, a silent gesture that told her to stay with Ada here and keep each other safe.

She nodded to him. “Go,” she urged, moving over to Ada to try and calm her down.

He didn’t need to be told twice; Tommy ran out of the flat, not stopping until he got to Arthur’s house but was immediately stopped by Finn.

“Tom! He’s not in there!” Finn shouted to him before he made it to him.

Tommy felt like he was about to explode. “W-Where is he? Where’s Arthur, Finn?”

The younger man looked like he was on the verge of tears as well but seemed to be holding them back too. “H-He’s with Aunt Pol and John and Esme…”

Tommy couldn’t be more confused right now if anyone tried. He felt a mixture of fear and rage and sadness rushing over him at once, and he wasn’t sure which emotion was more appropriate right now. He pointed.

“Lead me to them, Finn.”

It was all he could do to try and remain calm, if not for his own sake, then for Finn’s. The younger Shelby nodded obediently and ran to Aunt Polly’s flat, Tommy not far behind. When they entered, he heard Aunt Pol before he saw her rush at him with a knife in her hand.

“YOU DID THIS!” she screamed, tears running down her own face. “YOU TOLD US TO TRUST YOU, TOMMY!”

“Fucking hell!” John exclaimed before he wrapped an arm around Polly to keep her from hurting Tommy, trying to drag her backwards. Finn helped John as well and Tommy looked around furiously.

“Where the fuck is he? Where’s Arthur?”

She suddenly spit at him and he felt like he already had enough. “Finn, John – take her to Lizzie’s, stay there with them, both of you. Where’s Issacs?”

The two men looked at Tommy, both of them looking distressed and emotional unavailable. They just shook their heads and took Aunt Polly out of the flat. Tommy started walking in and out of rooms, searching for Arthur. He finally found him on the ground, wire cut deep into his neck, blood everywhere, on the walls nearby, on the floor, on Arthur and his clothes.

Tommy felt sick; he was being harshly reminded of when they had faked Arthur’s death in a similar way, except this time it was real.

_It was fucking real._

He fell onto his knees next to Arthur and felt for a pulse anywhere before put his ear to his chest, praying to anything that existed that his brother was still alive, by some miracle, but by the massive amount of blood pooling out of him, it looked highly unlikely. He took his brother in his arms and suddenly started crying before he screamed in anger, holding Arthur tighter against him.

This was his fucking brother and now he was fucking dead. He had just seen him alive not 12 hours previously. And now suddenly, he was white as a ghost, and so cold.

So bloody cold.

He stood up and took a shaky breath before he looked down at blood-soaked self, and then at his hands before he was breathing hard, trying to put two and two together. His mind felt jumbled, scrambled. Tommy ran out of the flat now and started to look all over for Samuel. He _had_ to be the one who had done this, or at least he knew which one of Alfie’s men had done this.

_Fuck. _Had Lizzie been right about them this entire fucking time?

He ran his hands through his hair, looking to see if anyone was on the street looking suspicious, but everywhere was empty. He ran inside the Garrison, but it was dark and also empty, except for a dark spot on the floor that made his own heart drop.

He hesitantly walked near it.

_Who else was fucking dead? _He was almost afraid to find out.

He turned a lamp on nearby and saw it was the man he suspected had killed Arthur. Samuel Issacs was fucking dead too.

Tommy grabbed a nearby chair and threw it down angrily, unsure what he was to do now. If word got around to Alfie that one of his men was dead, it could go disastrously, and horribly wrong. This was s storm of catastrophe.

He knelt down beside Issacs to see what he had died of. He had the same wire cut on his neck as Arthur did, but he also appeared to have a stab wound as well on his chest. He stood up now and started to pace, his mind racing.

It didn’t look like a suicide. This was done purposefully by someone else, and he had no fucking idea who. Would Alfie’s men turn on each other?

He had so many questions right now and no bloody answers. He stopped pacing when he saw Esme come inside the pub now, tears running down her own face. Tommy didn’t know if she had been particularly close to Arthur, maybe thought of him as a father figure, or if she was just scared, but to his surprise, she slowly walked towards him.

He moved towards her slowly and felt almost scared himself when he felt her suddenly embrace him in a hug, melting into his body. He held her close, wondering if he was doing this for her sake or his. “You should be with the rest of them, at Lizzie’s,” he whispered to her softly. He let her go when he felt her pull away slightly.

“I-I can’t. I’m not going to stay there when our kin is getting murdered right and left,” she glanced over, seeing Issacs’ body for the first time, but not reacting very strongly. She shook her head, looking as confused as Tommy felt. “Who the hell is doing this to us, Thomas?”

He was taken back by her sudden familial ties with the Shelbys, but he wasn’t going to correct her or say anything about it. If she wanted to commit herself to his family, then he was going to let her be a part of them; if nothing else, it’d be one less person against him.

“I don’t fucking know, Esme,” he shrugged helplessly, no anger in his voice towards her. He sighed heavily.

“W-What do we do now, Thomas?”

He looked at her, seeing how small she looked right now. She was definitely scared, probably thinking about how it could’ve been John instead of Arthur. Tommy felt like he should be crying more right now, but he couldn’t. He needed to be the strong one now, for everyone else. He had fucking loved Arthur, even through his suicide attempts, because he could relate to that, but there was no use in crying right now.

“You and I are going to go over to Lizzie’s, where everyone else is, and figure out what to do next. I think it’s safer if we’re all together right now.”

Esme nodded in agreement. “What about them?”

He didn’t need to ask who she meant by that. He cleared his throat a bit. “I’ll have Scudboat take Issacs out of here, clean this up, and we’ll send Arthur off properly soon, once we figure out the plan.”

“It’s the curse, Thomas, we’re all cursed, and this is what happened because of it.”

He sighed and shook his head. “It wasn’t a curse that did this, Esme. It wasn’t a fucking curse that killed Arthur; it was a person… a fucking person, flesh and blood. Now, come on, I’ll come with you to Lizzie’s.”

She nodded, the two of them hurrying out of the pub and towards Lizzie’s flat. Tommy dreaded the next steps. He knew that Finn had a grudge against Samuel, so he’d have to talk to him about how he died. He needed to somehow calm everyone down with a plan of action. The thing he dreaded most of all, though, was what would happen once Alfie found out about this.

He was sure one of his men would be ringing him up to tell him. He didn’t know how he was going to convince him that it wasn’t one of them who killed the kid. If Samuel had been so cutthroat and sneaky, how the fucking hell was he called The Wolf? Shouldn’t he have been on his guard, watching for anyone? How could someone have snuck up on both of them?

They were both violent people with reputations so how the fuck could any of this have happened? Was any of it actually real?

_Arthur was dead. _

_His older brother, Arthur Shelby, was fucking dead. _

_The man he had fought alongside with during the war, was dead. _

All he could do now was hope that he was happier where he was, but instead, Tommy was finding himself wishing that he could be there too right now.


	10. questions and answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me too much! I loved Arthur as well, I promise.

**. . .**

It was eerily quiet as the Shelby family either sat in chairs or stood, except for the occasional sound of crying coming from either Ada or Polly, but they weren’t sobbing hysterically, at least. If this life taught the women anything in this family, it was that no one was safe, and everyone wasn’t meant to stay on this earth for long.

Despite their differences, one commonality among them was that they all held glasses of either gin or whiskey, and most of them were smoking, or had cigarettes in between their fingers and just holding them.

Tommy rubbed his eyes to force the tears in them to disappear. There would be time for crying later, but he couldn’t do that nonsense right now. He had more important things to focus on at the moment. He glanced over at Finn who he watched do a line of snow off a nearby table before he sniffed and took a drink of his whiskey.

_Fuck. He didn’t want this kind of drug-induced life for him._ He regretted Finn ever being introduced to cocaine in the first place.

To Tommy, Finn was still the little boy who he had saved from being blown up in his car all those years ago. He was still an immature boy who liked that girls liked the life, and wanted the danger of it all. He was still naïve, and that kind of naivety could get a boy killed.

But no; it was Arthur that had been killed, not Finn. He had to focus on the elder Shelby right now. He glanced over at one of Charlie's men who had even made his way over here with Curly to see what the commotion had been about, much to his dismay.

Tommy cleared his throat to begin the conversation because God knows someone had to. “Arthur’s gone,” he declared, as if it were only now official. “It looks like it was either one of us or one of them who killed him.”

“Well, well done, Tommy,” Aunt Polly sighed, impatiently. “You’ve really narrowed things down, haven’t you?”

Tommy blinked slowly before he lit a cigarette and took a drag from it. “We need to find out who did it, and if it _was_ one of us, then we need to fucking deal with that person right now.”

“One of us?” Ada asked, surprised. “You’re fucking joking, Tommy.”

“No joke, Ada,” he coughed a little as he exhaled. “He was your older brother, and I know you had no grudge with him, so I’m not suspecting you, Ada. I’m just… saying, that _someone_ had it in for him. Let’s think it through, eh? Who had it in for him?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Tommy, how about half of England? _Christ_, Tommy!” Polly exclaimed now, fresh tears in her eyes. “It’s no secret that he pissed off most of the country, is it? It would take several lifetimes to narrow it down who would want to kill him!”

“All right, Pol,” John rubbed the bridge of his nose tensely, tired of hearing her speak already.

Tommy felt like doing the same, knowing that whenever he got all his family in one room, he always felt like jumping on a grenade, not to save them, but to save himself from their trouble and exhaustion. He took another drag and looked at Finn.

“Finn, you had issues with Issacs being here, watching Lizzie, yeah? Did you kill him?”

The youngest Shelby boy blinked, realizing that Tommy had moved the discussion from Arthur to Issacs now. “What?”

“You heard me, Finn. Issacs was cut with the same wire Arthur was, but he was also stabbed. Did you do it?”

“Fuck you, Tom,” Finn shook his head in disbelief.

“You were jealous that he was watching Lizzie,” he murmured, taking another drag. “You were jealous, so you ended his life, ended the competition.”

“Fuck you!” Finn growled, sighing heavily as his nostrils flared. Tom wasn’t sure if it was the cocaine fueling his anger, his grief, or both, but whatever it was, he felt like he felt the same amount of anger and grief as he did.

“Tommy,” Lizzie spoke now, unappreciative at the idea of being a motive to kill for Finn. “Leave it alone.”

Tommy finished off his gin and stood up as Aunt Polly also stood up now.

“If you’re done accusing your own family of killing Arthur and Alfie’s man, then I’m just going to take my leave. You’re fucking disgraceful, Tommy… blaming children!”

Tommy felt like breaking everything right now. “I’m blaming children because I don’t know who else to fucking blame!” He roared, looking at everyone in the room. “You all had it fucking in for all of Alfie’s men, so excuse me if I’m pointing the finger at my own family right now!”

“For fuck’s sake, Tom!” John yelled. “You think your own brothers would kill Arthur? You’re mad!”

Tommy slammed his glass down on the table and stared John down. “I don’t fucking know, John. I don’t know who else to fucking blame right now! I don’t know what order they killed, but whoever did it, killed so we wouldn’t know who to blame! If it were one of our men, why the hell would he kill our own kin? If it were one of Alfie’s men, why the hell would they kill their own men? None of it makes any fucking sense!”

Lizzie sipped her gin, looking around at the faces and seeing the same realization touch all of their eyes seemingly at once. They knew Tommy was right about both of those things. She looked over at Finn; he didn’t look guilty though, just sad, and slightly high. She could tell that it wasn’t Finn that killed either of the men.

“We’ll get Arthur’s body ready for the pyre,” Charlie's man announced, not wanting to be forgotten.

Tommy closed his eyes for a moment, wishing he could forget about Arthur’s dead body, but he didn’t think he would ever get it out of his head. Just another thing he’d have jammed inside there, along with the War.

He gave an appreciative nod to the fellow Blinder before meeting his eyes again. He looked around at everyone. “We’ll have the wake tomorrow. Esme, let Johnny Dogs know about it, tell him to bring some men with him,” he saw her nod in acknowledgement, otherwise also looking sad. “I’m going to say this again: no one stays alone, _anywhere_. Is that clear?”

He glanced around and saw everyone nod as well now. He took another drag, feeling his own sadness beginning to take him over. He needed to fucking wrap this up and fast. “I’m going back to Camden town to talk to Alfie.”

“Jesus, Tommy. You go there enough, why don’t you just fucking set up camp there as well? You have enough money. Just buy yourself a house there,” Polly nearly spit at him. “What are you even doing there talking to that bastard?”

He sighed, knowing he was going to receive backlash about this again. “Why can’t anyone in this fucking family just trust me? I’m doing this for all of you, eh! If he hasn’t been notified about Issacs yet, then I’ll be going to give him the news.”

“He’s going to slit your throat, Tommy,” Ada chimed in, worry laced in her voice. “You can’t go there right now, not by yourself. He can’t be trusted.”

He ignored her, needing to just get through everything he wanted to say before he left. It was nearly nine in the morning now, but as awful as Alfie was, he wanted to be there more than he wanted to be here right now. He figured that was just the self-destructive part of him talking, but it was the truth, and he hated himself for it.

“Lizzie, you’ll be coming with me,” he declared.

“Me?” she asked, looking around as everyone turned their attention on her. “Why me?”

He rubbed his face, tired of everyone questioning his decisions. “Please, Lizzie,” He wasn’t begging, but it was more of a tone that told her to trust him and he would tell her later why. “John, you help Curly and Finn with Arthur. We’ll be back in time for the funeral tomorrow.”

He nodded obediently; maybe he was too angry to argue and was afraid of what he might say if he did continue to argue with Tommy.

“Scudboat and the others will stay here and help look after the rest of you,” he spoke matter-of-factly. “If you need anything, you know where to ring me. If any of Alfie’s men do anything… else, deal with them accordingly. You have my permission. Family meeting’s over.”

Everyone filed out of the flat quickly and quietly, finishing their drinks and putting out their cigarettes in the ashtrays nearby before grabbing their coats and leaving Tommy and Lizzie alone again. She felt the blanket of tension leave as they did, and finally turned to him.

“I can’t protect you in Camden, Tommy… why the fuck would you want me there with you? You should take your men.”

Tommy put his cigarette out before he took her face in his hands gently. “I want you, Lizzie. I don’t want to be there alone, all fucking alone, lying awake worrying about you all night. I need you to help keep the noise out of my head. After what happened with my brother, I don’t want you staying here with just Finn to look after you.”

She nodded, understanding his fears and apprehension. She leaned in and gently kissed his lips, relaxing a bit as she felt him kiss her back before he pressed his lips lightly against her forehead and lingered there. “I’ll come with you then, Tom,” she whispered softly, resting her hands on his chest.

“Good, let’s get going then. You’ve got ten minutes, so if you’re going to bring anything, make sure you pack light.”

She nodded and headed towards the bedroom before he exhaled a breath, dreading this meeting. He wasn’t going to bother calling Alfie ahead of time. Circumstances were different now, things had changed, and the last thing he wanted was to give the other man time to prepare for both of them, in case he had wickedness up his sleeve.

He poured himself another glass and then walked into the bedroom where Lizzie was packing up clothes. Tommy watched her silently for a few moments before he finished his drink in one go and set it down but didn’t take his fingers off the glass.

“I don’t know who fucking did it, Lizzie,” he said softly. “I don’t know who killed my brother, or my fucking uncle, for that matter.”

She zipped up her large purse and then grabbed the knife off the stand on her side of the bed and slipped it into her boot before she walked over to Tommy.

“If you’re thinking it was Finn, I can tell you it isn’t him.”

He seemed to relax a bit now. “I didn’t think it was him that killed Arthur, just Issacs, but you don’t think he killed him either?”

She shook her head. “I don’t think he has it in him to hurt someone like that. I believe he’ll cut people when he has to, but… to use a wire and then stab him too? Finn isn’t that strong, physically, Tommy. Issacs would’ve taken him out pretty quickly alone.”

He nodded, his head feeling jumbled. “What do I do, Lizzie?”

She traced his jawline with her fingers. “We go to Camden town, and you talk to Alfie. Feel him out first. See what he knows, and what he doesn’t. Trust your instincts about him, more than anything. I’m going to walk around his bakery and talk to his men, see if they know anything.”

She felt Tommy tense up now, obviously not liking the latter idea. “When you walk around, don’t pry. Trust your own instincts, Lizzie, and when you’re done, go back to our room, wherever that is, and lock it until I get back.”

She nodded. “I know, Tom.”

“Come on, let’s be on our way, then.”

**……. .. ……….**

Once they arrived at Alfie’s bakery, Ollie greeted them, looking only slightly surprised to see them, and welcomed them inside. Tommy told him about their plans to stay the night, and he showed them to an empty room near the back that was away from everyone else.

After he left, Tommy gave Lizzie the OK to do her own thing, but reminded her to listen, more than talk. Then he finally made his way upstairs to see Alfie, feeling more than a bit nervous, but knew better than to let it show.

“Tommy! I can’t help but feel like we’re almost brothers ourselves with how much you keep showing up at my fucking doorstep,” Alfie greeted as Tommy walked in. “What brings you here this time? Did ye change yer mind about buying some of my bread?”

Tommy cleared his throat, staring at Alfie, deadpanned. “My brother Arthur was killed early this morning while I slept.”

“Is that so?” He didn’t look very surprised. “Well, I don’t mean to sound fucking insensitive, but he was, in fact, an incredible fucking monster of a man, was he not?”

Tommy didn’t say anything to that, ignoring his comment. Instead, he continued. “One of your men was killed as well, Alfie. Did you know that?”

Alfie was looking more surprised now than Tommy had ever seen. The other man rubbed his beard in thought. “He was? Well, fuck, Tommy. Was that the work of one of your men, then? Or was it by his own hand? I only ask because of the deal we had together.”

“I remember that, Alfie. To be honest, I’m not sure who it was.”

Alfie moved a bit closer to Tommy now. “Honesty is a funny thing, innit, Tom? A man will say he’s being honest if it means that he’ll still have his life, his business, and his family when he gets home… but that same man will also lie if it means he’ll get to keep his life, his business, and his family and his home in the same fucking breath. Isn’t that fascinating?”

Tommy continued to stare at him, unamused. He knew Alfie had the habit of going off on tangents but half the time he couldn’t tell if they were bits of useless information or if there were threats underlined in them as well.

“What do you suppose we do about this, Alfie?” He asked him, needing some options to know that this trip wasn’t a complete waste of time.

The other man leaned against his desk and crossed his arms in front of him, looking at Tommy who was still standing. He wet his lips. “Which one of my men was it that was killed?”

_Finally. Getting down to business, at last. _

“It was the Issacs kid, the Wolf, as you called him.”

Alfie’s brows rose a bit, more surprise. “The fucking Wolf? You’ve got to be fucking pulling my leg… I can’t believe it was the fucking Wolf that was fucking murdered! Jesus Christ, Tommy. What a fucking mess, mate. Tell me exactly what fucking happened this morning because none of this is making any sense. Are you sure you’re not drinking too much?”

Tommy took out a cigarette and placed it between his lips before he lit it. He took a long drag, despising the idea of rehashing the morning’s events. He knew it wasn’t going to hurt any less.

He exhaled the smoke, watching Alfie as he stood there, surprising patient as he waited for the Shelby man to speak. He looked different now, he looked almost human, with anxiety on his face. Maybe he was just worried that he would have problems with Tommy from this whole mess. Tom would be lying if he weren’t worried about that with Alfie as well.

“I woke up to knocking on my door early this morning, probably around five or so,” he started to explain, the pain coming back again. “It was my sister. She told me how Arthur was dead,” he decided to leave out the parts involving his family blaming him for it.

Alfie nodded, urging Tommy to continue as he listened closely.

“I found him at my Aunt Pol’s flat with wire cut into his throat. He was dead, no question about it. I found Issacs in my pub with wire also cut into his throat, blood everywhere, but he was also stabbed with a knife, in his chest.”

“Why the fuck would they stab the man if they used fucking wire?”

Tommy thought that he was asking a rhetorical question until he saw the genuine curiosity in Alfie’s eyes. He wasn’t used to answering things that Alfie didn’t know. This was a subtle change in their business relationship.

“If I were to guess, I would say, the attacker stabbed them first with the knife, but they didn’t get him deep enough and Issacs was still fighting back, so they finished him off with the wire instead.” Truth be told, Tom had no fucking idea what had been going on there, but his guess was as good as any.

It seemed to appease Alfie a bit, anyway. He was quiet for a while. “You’ll have to forgive my silence, mate. I just find it difficult to believe that the fucking Wolf, a man who has killed five men all by himself on more than one occasion, has been killed by a fucking ghost. Tell me, Tommy… what makes you think it wasn’t one of your own men who did it?”

Tommy took another drag before he leaned forward next to Alfie to knock the ash off his cigarette. He leaned back again. “Why would one of my men kill their own kin?”

“I honestly don’t know why any of you gypsies do half the shit you do, mate… so nothing would surprise me. I’m going to do you a favor, Tommy; because you’re a good friend of mine, I’m going to give you the fucking benefit of the doubt... so look me in the eye, and tell me that you or none of your men did, I’ll believe you, no more questions asked.”

Tommy felt skeptical but he gave a nod and walked closer to Alfie until he could smell the alcohol coming off of the other man. He looked at Alfie, square in the eye. “My men and I did not kill Mr. Issacs, Alfie. I honestly don’t know who killed either of them, but… tell me why you believe none of _your_ men would kill my brother.”

Alfie caressed his beard again but didn’t move, the two men dangerously close to the other. Even though Alfie still had a good few inches on Tommy, he wasn’t afraid of him. The will to exact revenge on his brother’s killer seemed to fuel him more than his fear of dying.

“Tommy Shelby, mate… I swear, upon my God, that my men wouldn’t kill your dear brother Arthur, and if they did, I would have absolutely no knowledge of it. If it turns out that they _did_ murder him, however, I’ll kill him myself or, if you please, you can come and kill the fucking betrayer by your own hand,” Alfie invited. “You’ve got to believe, I’m still on your side, Tommy.”

He searched the other man’s eyes for any sign of doubt, but didn’t find any. He tried to tune into his own instincts to tell him what he needed to do or say next. He finished his cigarette and put it out, looking up at Alfie finally.

“If I find the man who killed my brother is still in Birmingham, your man or not, I’m going to cut him, Alfie.”

Alfie put his hands up before he laced them together and nodded. “I find that fair, Tommy. Yes, I find that very fucking fair, indeed. You do what you need to do; he was your kin after all.”

Tommy nodded, feeling relieved that they had managed to come to an agreement. “Okay, then.”

“Okay, then,” Alfie echoed. “Anything else you care to report?”

Tommy shook his head.

“Fine, then enjoy the rest of your stay, I suppose. Just don’t be go wandering around after dark, and you might want to tell your beautiful woman that as well. I take pride in most of my men, but I’ve also taken on other men, who aren’t as nice either. If our conversation is over now, you can kindly fuck right off then, I suppose.”

Tommy gave a nod before he walked out of his office. It almost seemed too easy. Alfie was letting him kill one of his men if it turns out that he killed Arthur? Tommy was somewhat suspicious. What would Alfie do in retaliation? He must want something; everyone wanted something nowadays.

He walked downstairs and headed towards the designated bedroom Olly had set up for himself and Lizzie, only to find out that she wasn’t back yet. His anxiety rose with every minute that went by and she didn’t come back.

He was considering going out and finding her when she finally came back to the room twenty minutes later.

“This place is a fucking maze,” she complained, closing the door behind her.

Tommy breathed a soft sigh of relief. “So what did you find out, Lizzie?”

She smirked. “You first.”


	11. the dead can't cry (so we cry for them)

**. . .**

From the smirk on her face, Tommy could tell that whatever she had found out was far more interesting than his conversation with Alfie. He searched her face with a sort of desperation that he rarely showed.

“Go on, then, Lizzie. It’s obvious you’ve found out something, eh? What is it?”

She sat down across from where he sat. “I overheard the men in his factory talking,” she started. “Apparently, they already knew about the Wolf dying, as well as both Charlie and Arthur. They owed the Wolf money, it would seem, and one of Alfie’s men that didn’t get along with him, went with you the day you brought back the others. It was one of those other men who killed him.”

Tommy felt his stomach knot up. He had been so close to the killer, without even having known it; this whole thing felt surreal, like he half expected Arthur to still be alive when they got back to Birmingham, but of course that was ridiculous.

“And who killed my brother,” he finished her sentence for her, but looked up at her for validation. Her silence wasn’t very comforting, though. “What?”

“Why would he kill one of us when he only had an issue with Issacs? Why go to the trouble of doing that, and risk being caught? Why not just kill Issacs?”

The thought had crossed Tommy’s mind as well, but his answer came simply. “Why wouldn’t he take advantage, Lizzie? Alfie and I haven’t always gotten along… why wouldn’t this bastard take the opportunity to kill one of us, as well as his target?”

Lizzie thought about it, and although she had her doubts, she knew that their own people would never kill Arthur, and even if they tried, the odds are they wouldn’t succeed unless Arthur wanted them to. Thomas’ words made her think about the possibility even more now.

“Maybe he hoped to be in Alfie’s good graces when he came back? A life for a life?”

Tommy got undressed down to his underwear and lay on the bed, scooting against the wall to give room for Lizzie to lay as well. She took her dress off, and also laid down beside him, resting in the crook of his arm.

“I’m not sure, Lizzie… maybe.”

She looked up at him. “What did Alfie say to you when you told him about what happened?”

“He was surprised that Issacs was dead and told me that if it was one of his men, then I could kill them myself.”

Lizzie raised her brows in surprise. “Just like that? Without reciprocation?”

It was moments like this that made Thomas think maybe she really could read his mind better than Aunt Polly. He gently caressed her back softly. “My thoughts exactly. It makes me wonder what he would get out of this. He bragged about how strong and loyal Issacs was; why would he be all right with him dying by my hand?”

Lizzie bit her lip anxiously in thought. He glanced down at her with interest, so she spoke her mind again. “Unless, it would give him a reason to kill another one of us, to lower our numbers some more? An eye for an eye?”

These were only just questions, merely suggestions Lizzie could give without having an actual answer to give, but they made Tommy think long and hard about Alfie’s true intentions. He sighed heavily, feeling exhausted.

“Alfie and I shook on a deal,” Tommy spoke with dread in his voice now.

Lizzie felt an uneasy feeling creep into her veins. “What kind of deal, Tommy?”

He cleared his throat, a side effect of too many cigarettes during his lifetime. “That because he gave me some of his men to help me, I would owe him. When he calls on me to do something, I’d have to do it, no questions asked.”

Lizzie felt sick. “Why on earth would you make a deal like that with him?”

Tommy was starting to feel defensive now. He looked down at her. “Because I was fucking desperate, Lizzie,” he answered calmly, being careful not to raise his voice at her. “I was desperate to know who killed my uncle, and my brother, and I wanted the bastard found out and killed. I was willing to fucking lick Alfie’s shoes if it came down to it. Desperation can do strange things to a man.”

She swallowed back the words she wanted to say to him. They were out of frustration, and they wouldn’t do any good. Anyway, she didn’t want to be on his bad side; Lizzie knew she could catch more flies with honey when it came to Tommy. Everyone who was his blood just seemed to antagonize him to get answers, but Lizzie felt like she was the only one who held the key to Tommy’s heart and soul.

“We need to have Arthur’s wake first,” she whispered into his chest. “Let’s sleep, and then we’ll head back tomorrow, figure everything out.”

Tommy nodded against her. “That sounds like a plan. Arthur comes first.”

**……… … ……….**

The next morning, they woke up early, wasting no time in heading back home to Birmingham. The last thing they wanted to do was outstay their welcome now that Alfie knew about The Wolf’s demise, and a possible traitor in his midst.

When they arrived back, the streets were empty, but Finn came out of a building and walked over to them to greet them.

“Everyone’s getting ready for the wake, Tom,” he announced to both of them, but only looked at his brother, an icy look in his eyes.

Tommy gave a nod, not having forgotten his accusation towards his younger brother regarding Issacs. “We’ll be there in a minute. Go help watch Linda.”

Finn gave an obedient nod before disappearing behind a building as he headed towards the field where the Shelby wakes were usually held. Tommy looked at Lizzie with an apprehension in his eyes and took out a cigarette.

“Come on, then. Let’s go do this, I suppose.”

Lizzie reached over and gently held onto his shoulder. “It’ll be over soon. Then we can start trying to find the murderer. I’m here with you, Tom. You’re not alone in this…”

“I know,” he replied, nodding before he laced his hand in hers and gave it a squeeze before opening his door. “Let’s go.”

The two walked together in silence, both of them seemingly dreading seeing the entire Shelby clan, some Lee men, as well as the caravan where the eldest Shelby brother was lying in. When they arrived there, they saw their whole family together, dressed in black and grieving.

Finn was standing by Linda who was sobbing as she held herself. The woman was more than a handful, but Lizzie felt empathetic; she put herself in her shoes, wondering how she would be reacting to Tommy’s death. A part of her wanted to go to comfort her, but Tommy gently pulled her closer to him and looked at her, sadness in his own eyes.

“She has enough people around her right now,” he brought his voice to a low whisper. “She’ll be all right.”

Lizzie nodded before she took a breath before she whispered back to him, “I didn’t think she would be so broken up about Arthur, to be honest. Especially after she tried to kill him before.”

“She put her whole life into this family, Lizzie,” he spoke gently. “She loved Arthur until she couldn’t anymore, and then she fell back in love with him when he passed. She realized all that she took for granted. She wanted to change a man who couldn’t be changed, no matter how hard anyone tried. She has a lot to grieve about, I’d say.”

She nodded at his words, understanding them. She also put her whole life into this family, who let her in regardless of what she had once been. She leaned into Tommy, thinking about Charlie as well as Arthur, feeling herself grieving for both men as well.

He watched Aunt Polly light the wood against Arthur’s final resting place, watching the flames dance and flicker against the van. She felt tears in her eyes at the thought of how both men had died, painfully, suffering.

As the flames engulfed the makeshift casket, Lizzie jumped when she suddenly heard Linda behind her, screaming and sobbing.

“You did this!” She screamed at Tommy, storming over to him. She got a good scratch in with three fingers on his face before Finn and Scudboat both grabbed her and pulled her back away from Tommy. “You did this to him! You killed him! You didn’t protect your own brother!”

Tommy let go of Lizzie reluctantly before taking a few daring steps towards Linda, who was still being held back. “I didn’t kill him, Linda! If anyone here did, it was you!” He yelled the words at her before he could stop himself. “He loved you more than this family but all you did was try to make him into someone he wasn’t! He was fucking torn!”

Linda gave one last jolt towards him before her legs gave out from under her and she gently fell on the ground on her knees, going from anger to grief in less than a minute. Tommy felt something that might have been guilt, but then it turned to anger again as he imagined Arthur’s body burning up.

She looked as if she were in her own world, void of Arthur now, and empty of any control she thought she once had.

He turned to his sister who was looking sorrowful, but much calmer in comparison. “Ada, please take Linda back home, put on some tea, or give her something stronger. Just get her out of here, eh?”

Ada nodded and helped Linda up to her feet, intertwining her arms with Linda’s before leading them away from the wake. Finn looked ready to run far away from here, but his feet remained planted. Tommy looked at Aunt Polly who was shooting daggers in his direction and he looked at her.

“Is there something you’d like to say, Pol?”

The older woman looked around at the rest of the men and then at Lizzie before looking back at Tommy again. “Have you gone to enough of your brothers’ funerals yet to make sure that no more die because of your choices?”

Tommy stared at her in disbelief, but there was a part of him that believed this was his fault, because maybe it was. He trusted Alfie, like a fool, and then one of his men killed his brother. "This is my first funeral for a brother, Polly."

"Is one not enough for you, Thomas?" 

He gave her a cool glare before he cleared his throat, wanting to disappear from this place. “Lizzie,” he looked over at her desperately. “Let’s head back.”

She didn’t meet anyone’s eyes as she willingly walked over to him, feeling his fingers lace with her own as they walked.

“Linda and Polly just need time. It’s still too fresh,” Lizzie tried to reassure him.

“It’s too soon for me too, Lizzie,” he spoke softly, squeezing her hand. “I don’t want to talk about my brother. I’ve already lost too many of my kin already. What if this murderer comes after Finn next?”

The thought had occurred to her, but she had been too wise to bring it up. “It won’t. You’ll come up with a plan. You’ll have the others watch over him, day and night, just in case. We won’t let Finn be next, Tommy.”

He nodded and exhaled slowly as they reached her house. He looked up there but quickly looked away from her, but she could see fresh tears in his eyes.

“Please come up,” she pleaded. “We can come up with a plan.”

He rubbed his eyes roughly, starting to look panicked. “I don’t want to think about plans right now, Lizzie. I don’t want to fucking think at all.”

“Fine, then,” she nodded. “Don’t think, just come up. You don’t have to do anything at all. Just keep me company. Please?” When she didn’t see a reaction from him, she knew she’d have to pretend a little. “Protect me, then.”

This made him look at her finally with red eyes, and she saw him steel himself. Protection was his life’s work. It was motivation for him to hear the words come from her mouth, and he nodded.

“All right,” he conceded finally before he motioned for her to lead them upstairs.

Lizzie lead them up to her place and locked the door behind them. “Do you think Finn will be okay?”

“Yes, I imagine he’ll be fine. The others will watch over him more closely, especially after today,” Tommy thought aloud. “He’ll be all right.”

She relaxed a little before she took her coat off and helped Tommy take his off as well. He knelt by the fireplace, putting another log on the fire before he stood up and took off his clothes except for his underwear, feeling constricted by his grief and his clothes simultaneously.

She walked over to him and knelt down in front of him, leaning in to kiss his lips. He placed his hands on her waist and moved her closer to she was straddling his lap now instead. They kissed as if this would be their last night together on earth, as if they might wake up dead in their beds tomorrow.

He helped out of her clothes before laying her down in front of the fireplace, their lips never parting. Lizzie felt his hands over her skin, and despite everything that had happened so far, she felt safe. She always felt safe with him. Even when he was angry, she felt safe. She let her hands slide over his scarred skin, letting him take them both to a distant place where they could forget what was happening, at least for a couple hours.

When they lay on the floor, the only light now visible the glow of the firelight, the two were running their fingers gently over each other’s skin in bliss. She saw silent tears running down the sides of his eyes though, and she felt her heart breaking at the sight.

Lizzie reached over and gently fingered the tears away, letting them absorb into his skin. Neither of them said anything, but she felt close to tears herself. He reached up and gently caressed her cheek with his thumb, his eyes sad, his soul numb.

It was starting to hit them finally.

_Charlie was dead._

_Arthur was dead._

_Any of them could be next._

_The murderer was walking around Birmingham like a ghost, unseen, unknown._

She melted into his body before she suddenly let herself break down against him, feeling his arms embrace her tightly, feeling fresh tears falling from his face as well. They just cried together, lost in each other’s arms, wishing for the mutual pain they were feeling to disappear.


	12. safe again

**. . .**

Tommy woke with a gasp, his heart hammering quickly in his chest. He looked around to see Lizzie sitting up in bed, watching him with worry in her eyes. There was always worry in her eyes nowadays. He had tried so hard, killed so many to get that fucking worry out of her eyes, but it seemed never ending.

He ran a hand over his head and tried to catch his breath.

“What was your dream about?” She asked him curiously, gently caressing his back.

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. “I was dreaming that Arthur was just… talking to me about some nonsense, and then a bullet went right through his head, and his blood fucking splattered on me, everywhere. Fuck…”

“What do you think it means?”

Tommy let out a humorless chuckle and looked at her. “I think he’s just telling me what I already know, Lizzie; that there’s a fucking traitor in our midst and we need to be on our guard, or else more of us will be killed.”

She gave a nod in agreement, having a similar thought. She leaned in and planted a gentle kiss to his skin, breathing him in. Lizzie could feel him relax at her touch, and she smiled weakly to herself.

“Do you think Linda will stay with us, now that Arthur’s gone?” she whispered softly.

Tommy put his legs over the edge of the bed before running he rubbed his eyes with his palms and pulled his underwear on. “I don’t know. She’ll probably leave, Lizzie. We were never her family, and both of us knew it. She never got close to us. My guess is that she’ll go back to her real family, and she’ll take their son too.”

“Good,” Lizzie whispered before she could stop herself. Then again, another part of her didn’t want to stop herself. She meant it.

He glanced back at her and gave a small nod. “Good,” he repeated.

If he was being honest, Linda only caused him trouble. She didn’t like this kind of life for Arthur and their family, and she was constantly trying to reform him. This wasn’t the kind of life for her, and he was glad to be free of her when she decided to leave.

“I need to find the bastard that killed them, Lizzie… this ends today.” Tommy stood up and sighed heavily. He wasn’t sure what the hell he was going to do, but he _needed _it to end today. He couldn’t go through this shit anymore.

“What’s your plan, Tommy? Line everyone up and shoot them?”

Tommy looked at her with thoughtful eyes. He knew that she hadn’t been serious but now that she had said the words aloud, they also were not the worst idea he had heard so far. He took a cigarette out and placed it between his lips before lighting it and taking a drag.

“Perhaps, Lizzie. Perhaps that’s exactly what I’ll do.”

She gave a skeptical gaze at her man and gave a shake of her head. “What about the innocent ones, the men who didn’t have a problem with the Issacs kid?”

He exhaled the smoke. “No man is innocent, Lizzie. We’ve all done something.”

She felt her heart sink into her stomach. She was well aware that Tommy was a violent man, and agreed that there were some men in this world that _did_ deserve death, but she didn’t like how cold Tommy was becoming over the years. Lizzie didn’t like that he wanted to wipe out every man, guilty or not, just to be rid of them.

“So you think that justifies murdering all of them?”

He turned around and glared at her, but there was conflict laced in his eyes as well. “I think it justifies protecting my family, Lizzie. That includes you in case you’ve forgotten.”

She sighed and looked down at the bed. “I miss the days when you had a heart, Tommy.”

He fucking knew she’d get sentimental about this idea. He fucking knew it, and now he was regretting telling her he was going to go through with it. He took a long drag now before he shook his head at her.

“I have a fucking heart, Lizzie. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t give a fuck about who these bastards killed! What am I supposed to do, just sit around, and let them murder all of you? If that’s what you want, just say the word… we can stop this,” Tommy replied, searching her face.

There was regret in her eyes now, but she forced herself to continue looking at him, and not to look away. “Of course I don’t want that, Tommy… but why don’t you try not cutting people, just for once, and see how you like it?”

There was challenge in her voice, and if this was any other woman, he might think about properly threatening her, but this was Lizzie Stark, the woman he’d always been sweet on since the day she helped him get through the nights when he first came back from the war. He couldn’t treat her like the other women he’d been with, or like Aunt Polly that made him so furious that he could feel his blood boil on a daily basis.

Lizzie was different. She could see certain things from his point of view, more so than others could. She was, and would always be the exception.

He moved back over to her and gently placed his hand on her cheek, lightly thumbing her skin before he moved back away from her and started to dress. It seemed like the better alternative than yelling at her. Tommy could yell at her until he was blue in the face, but she was like him, stubborn as hell.

He began to get dressed and watched as she walked to the bathroom to fill up her tub. Once she had finished and got in, he walked over to the doorway and looked at her. “Hurry up, and we’ll walk to the Garrison together.”

“Hurry up, yourself. I’m not rushing. Just go. I’ll be there shortly.”

“No,” Tommy said instantly. “I’m not leaving you here alone, Lizzie.” He took another drag before blowing the smoke out though his nose.

She sighed, and started to quickly wash up despite her protests about rushing her bath.

He sat down on the closed toilet seat and watched her. “I need to get rid of them, Lizzie. I need them gone from Birmingham.”

“And by gone, you mean dead,” she spoke knowingly. “Can’t you just banish them back to Camden? Why do you have to cut them?”

Tommy ran his hand over his face in exhaustion. “I’m setting an example, and if I do this, then it’ll take care of Alfie’s problem with the traitor as well. He’ll be grateful, we won’t be at war with each other, and we can call a proper truce. Everyone gets what they want.”

“Except the guys who are going to be dead,” she rolled her eyes. “What makes you think that Alfie is just going to be all right with you doing this? You’re murdering his men. Isn’t that cause for war?” She let the drain out and stood up before starting to towel dry herself off.

He held out a hand to help her out of the tub, feeling relieved when he took it and stepped onto the rug. “I know him, Lizzie. Alfie Solomons is many things, but I know he’d do the same for me if the tables were turned.”

“Whether you wanted him to or not,” she added, walking into the bathroom to get dressed.

Tommy ran his hand over her back and caressed it softly. “That’s right. I know I would feel differently if there was a traitor and my kin were with him. I know none of these boys are his own flesh and blood though, which is why I know he’ll be okay with it. Don’t worry, Lizzie. This will go my way, as most things do.”

She pulled on her stockings and then a dark dress and put on her shoes. Tommy followed her out the door and the two of them started towards the Garrison. They needed a family meeting.

As they neared, they saw Finn coming towards them. “Finn,” Tommy greeted. “Call a family meeting in the Garrison. Make sure all of us are there, and no Camden boys.”

“All right, Tommy.” Finn hurried towards the houses to gather everyone.

Tommy walked Lizzie into the bar and then started to lock the alternate entranceways so the only door that wasn’t locked was the front door. He grabbed the whiskey and gin and started to pour glasses for everyone.

She felt uneasy as they started to trickle in, each family member taking a glass of alcohol, her heart clenching when she half-expected Arthur to walk through the door as well, but then remembered. And Charlie.

He should be here too.

She grabbed one of the whiskey glasses and stood next to Tommy.

“Finn, lock the front door. Business is closed for today,” he announced. He watched his kid brother go over to the front doors and made sure they were locked tightly in place.

Tommy looked from Finn to John, to Esme, Ada, to a tired and angry Linda, Polly, and then back to all of them. “Out of respect, for our brother, we’ll do family business first. Linda, what are your plans now that Arthur is gone?”

Linda let out a humorless chuckle and looked at him. “What am I going to do?” She parroted. “What do you think I’m going to do, Tommy? I’m taking the children away from this god-forsaken place. There’s nothing else here for them but blood and ashes.”

Tommy gave a small nod, having a feeling that she’d go that route. “Very well. We’re not going to try and stop you. We have other problems to tend to, so… it’ll be best if you pack up and leave Birmingham as soon as you can. I’m going to have Johnny Dogs help give you safe passage out of the city.”

“Safe passage? Are you saying I’m in danger because of what happened to Arthur?”

He sighed softly but kept eye contact with her. “You might be, which is why I’m calling on all available men to guide you out safely, to the train station or wherever you wish to go.”

She looked suspicious now. “What is it exactly that you’re about to do? It’s obvious you’re afraid of retaliation. This isn’t just about Arthur…”

“I’d like to know what you’re about to do as well,” Aunt Polly remarked, smoking a cigarette.

He gave his kin another glance around the room. “I’m going to kill all of Alfie’s men that came back with me from Camden. Or rather, John and I are going to kill all of his men. As revenge for them killing Arthur. Once we do that, we’ll be done with them.”

“Wait a minute, didn’t you bring them over here to protect us?” Aunt Polly asked impatiently. “How do you know it was any of them that killed Arthur? What about Charlie? He died before they even got here! Are you so sure it was one of them?”

“I’m not fucking sure about anything right now, Pol, but this is the only solution I can think of right now,” Tommy declared.

Lizzie took a drink of whiskey, as did both Esme and Ada.

“What if you kill all those kids and then it happens again? You would’ve killed them for nothing!”

Tommy turned on her now, his eyes flickering with anger. “They’re young, but they’re not fucking kids, Polly. They know what they’re doing. It’s not going to fucking happen again, because I believe the man who killed Charlie, was one of Alfie’s men. He went back to Camden straight after, undetected, and then came back with the others. I’m convinced he’s here still and once he’s dead, there will be no more fucking deaths of our own.”

“Count on Thomas Shelby to counter senseless violence with senseless violence,” Linda scoffed.

Lizzie felt the need to speak now. “Just fuck off, Linda. Fuck off.”

Ada giggled now in her whiskey and Lizzie and Tommy saw Esme smirk as well. They knew that they’d been dying to say those words to her for awhile now.

“Finn, get a hold of Johnny Dogs and tell him to bring him and his men here to escort a lady.”

The younger Shelby nodded and quickly headed out of the Garrison and towards the office building. Scudboat walked Linda out of the pub so she could pack up her things.

John was rather quiet about the whole ordeal, so Tommy looked over at him. “Are you all right with doing this with me, brother?”

John was looking half angry, half melancholy, but he nodded. “For Arthur.”

Tommy clapped a hand on his younger brother’s shoulder and also nodded. “For Arthur,” he echoed, knowing that John needed to hear it come from him as well. “You’re going to round up all five of ‘em, and proceed to take them to Charlie’s yard. We’ll do it quickly, you and I… however they’re lined up, you’ll take the two on the left, and I’ll take the two on the right, and we’ll finish it fast.”

John nodded. “I’m with you, Tommy.”

“Good. Go on, now, John. I’ll meet you there in a few minutes.” He watched as his brother took a few other men with him to round up Alfie’s boys and turned to look at Polly. “Is there something else you’d like to say, Pol?”

“I can think of several,” she took a long drink and walked over to him. “This is your mess, Thomas. You let them come over here with you, and look what happened. You’d made your bed and now you’ll have to lie in it!”

“Yes, Pol, I get it!” Tommy shouted now. “That’s what I’m doing right now! I’m going to clean up my mess!”

“You’d think cleaning up so much mess, you’d figure out how to not make one in the first place,” Polly turned on her heel and started out of the pub, heading out towards the betting shop office.

Lizzie placed a hand on Tommy’s arm, having a feeling that he was reaching his breaking point between Linda and now Polly. Tommy looked over at his sister Ada and Esme, who looked both content with what was going on.

At least they weren’t against him. They knew what had to be done.

“Stay here,” Tommy instructed Lizzie calmly as he took out his pistol and made sure he had rounds in it. “Stay here with them, and I’m going to have Finn stay here to watch you.”

“We don’t need _men_ to look after us,” Esme suddenly spoke up, her voice thin.

Tommy shook his head and sighed. “Don’t I know it.” He waited until Lizzie reluctantly sat down at the table and took out a cigarette before he walked out of the Garrison and started towards Charlie’s yard.

He knew this was the right thing to do but still he felt like his nerve endings were on fire. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Alfie was going to react to this. He tried to shake Alfie out of his head and took a deep breath, seeing the men standing side by side, each of them looking nervous except for the last one on the right that looked as if he knew exactly what was happening, and he was prepared for the consequences of his actions.

_That_ was the fucking traitor.

He moved closer to them, as did John.

“One of you murdered my brother, and my Uncle, and today is the day that you’re going to fucking pay for that.” Thomas walked past each of them before he cast a long glance at each of them. They were young, but they didn't look afraid; they knew what they had signed up for as soon as they became Alfie's fucking worker bees. 

He cocked his pistol and moved back to the first man. He took aim, which wasn't all that difficult to do since he was inches apart from him, but he made sure to aim for the chest. The first one closed his eyes just as Tommy fired his weapon, and then fell onto the ground dead. Tommy moved to the next one who looked even younger, but to his surprise, the man straightened his spine and looked straight ahead. He fired into his chest. 

_ Fucking kids, children, the lot of them. _ Tommy was beginning to doubt what he was doing. _No, they're not kids. They're not kids like Charles and Ruby. They're adults. They're fucking adults. _

He watched John stare into the other two men's eyes and fire into them twice each. The first bullet hadn't killed them right off. John had to finish the job, and when he had, he looked back at Tommy before he nodded at him, although there was pain behind those steel eyes, and Tommy knew what John was thinking.

_ They looked like the kids from the Somme in France, the ones who had been shot like a feral dog and left to bleed out. _

Thomas moved to the last one now, the traitor who had murdered his uncle and his brother. His jaw muscle twitched, feeling all the rage within him swirling inside of him like a hurricane. He resisted the urge to cut him with the razor blade attached to the brim of the hat before he stared at him. "Any last words?" The other man shook his head, remaining stoic, looking almost surreal to Thomas as the two stood close to the other. 

_ Enough fucking around.___

_ _ Tommy shot Alfie's man in the throat and watched the blood splatter, and the man fall onto the ground, gasping. He couldn't cut him but he sure as hell could watch him suffer like his kin had suffered. Cutting him would have been too good for the bastard. He watched the man cough and sputter out blood before gasping again and then finally dying about forty seconds later. At least the last thing the fucker got to see what Tommy Shelby's face. _ _

Tommy cleared his throat. “John, dump these men in the river. Make sure no one will see them again.”

Both men knew that this would normally be a job for Arthur, but John accepted it, nonetheless and started to drag the bodies over to one of Charlie’s boats and piled them inside.

“When you’re done,” he shouted to John as he walked to the Garrison again. “Go back to the Garrison and join us for a drink!”

John didn’t say, anything but Tommy knew that his brother would definitely need a drink by then. He went back to the pub and saw Finn there but not Esme or Ada. He looked disheartened at Finn.

“I told Ada and Esme that you were going to keep an eye on them! Where are they, Finn, eh?”

Finn seemed to stumble now. “They both went to Ada’s for tea! I tried to tell them to stay here, Tommy, but they ignored me.”

Tommy chuckled weakly and shook his head. All these women had a mind of their own. He couldn’t be mad at his kid brother, though. He placed his hands on either side of his face and held them there, looking at him. “It’s safe now, brother. Those men are dead. It’s safe again, yeah?”

Finn searched Tommy’s eyes before he nodded and gave a smile of relief.

Tommy released him. “Go on, then, Finn. I can watch her from here.” Finn nodded and hurried out of the pub, most likely to go tell Aunt Polly the news.

Lizzie gave him a wary smile but moved towards him, placing her hands on his waist before hugging him. He embraced her as well, and breathed her in. A part of him felt relieved; relieved they were all safe again. The traitor was dead and by some god’s will, the traitor hadn’t been one of his own. He released her but kept her close before he leaned in and kissed her lips deeply, needing to taste something that was safe and constant in a world of changing variables.

She searched his face and he watched her brows crease as she reached up and thumbed away what he figured would had been blood splatter from having shot them at such close range.

“I did it for you, Lizzie. I did it for all of you, for my family.”

She nodded and bit her lip. “I know, Tommy.”

He ran his hands through her hair lovingly and searched her eyes. “I’ll be going to Camden tomorrow, and I want you to stay here. I don’t know how Alfie’s going to react and I want you out of the line of fire.”

Lizzie nodded in understanding, also thinking that might be a good idea, but then her eyes changed. “It’s not me I’m worried about.”

“I’ll be okay. Alfie knows it’ll be an all out war if they kill me. I’m not going to risk endangering my brothers, or you.”

“Come back to me, Tom,” she pleaded in a soft whisper.

“I will, Lizzie. I always do.”


	13. what goes around, comes around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I did a lot of research for this chapter, but please don't hold it against me if something is inaccurate. Thanks!

**. . .**

Tommy was on his way to Camden town to confess his sins to Alfe Solomons, and all he could feel was a big ball of knots in the pit of his fucking stomach. Now that he had time to reflect on his actions, he knew now that he should’ve just killed the traitor, _what the fuck was his name again, _Daniel something.

He should have just let it fucking go after he killed Daniel, and he should’ve let the other men go back to Camden, but Tommy had chosen not to do that. He had chosen to kill of them, for better or worse. His mind started to reel how Alfie was going to handle this situation.

He couldn’t kill him, _well he could but not without repercussions_, and Alfie would look weak for not punishing Tommy for his actions. They were business partners, and this was bad business.

After Tommy arrived and was patted down by more men in front of Alfie, the older man led him upstairs to his office and shut the door.

The Jewish man clapped his hands together. “Tommy! It’s nice to see you again, however… it doesn’t fail to escape my fuckin’ attention that none of my men are with you.”

Tommy sat in the chair and took out a cigarette before placing it on his lips and then lit it. He took a long drag, wondering if maybe this cigarette would, in fact, be his last after all. He was quiet for a long time.

“Nothin’ to say? Do words escape you at the moment? Right, you obviously fucking done somethin’ to ‘em or else they would’ve come back with you. So, what the fuck did you do, Tom?” Alfie was already getting impatient.

Tommy took another drag before he looked up at the larger man as he stood in front of him, his arms crossed businesslike in front of his chest. “I killed them, Alfie.”

“Sorry, I better had fucking misheard you. You did _what?_ What, all of ‘em? What the fuck for?”

Thomas exhaled the smoke before he looked out the window of the office, watching the other men rolling barrels of rum and whiskey. “It doesn’t look to me like you’re short on men, Alfie, eh?”

“That’s not the fuckin’ point, is it, mate? Unlike you, I actually care about my men. I get to know them, their families, their weakness, their strengths… I get to know every part of ‘em, while you just consider them disposable muscle, don’t you?”

Tommy took one last drag of his cigarette before he angrily snubbed it out in the nearby ashtray on Alfie’s desk. He shook his head. “You know that’s not true. If I didn’t care about my men, my brothers, my kin, then I would’ve looked away when your fucking black cat killed them. If I didn’t care about my men, I wouldn’t have asked for you help, Alfie.” He tried to keep his voice still and calm.

Alfie twitched his mustache and sniffed. “Right, well… fucking excuse me, then, right. You have a point, Tommy. All right, so you found my fucking traitor. Thank you, for killin’ him but where’s my other men, then, Tom? If all you had to do was find and kill the traitor, where are my other four men?”

“I told you, Alfie,” Tommy blinked slowly, looking up at him. “I killed them. Did you not hear me the first time I told you, eh?”

“I heard you,” Alfie sighed, shaking his head. “I was just hopin’ I had heard you wrong. So my question from earlier still stands, doesn’t it? What did you kill those kids for? Did they all wrong you somehow?”

Tommy shook his head, somehow remaining eerily calm even though inside he was trembling, more from adrenaline than actual fear, though. “I wanted to set an example. I thought this was the best way to do that. Now none of the other men will turn on you, seeing what happens if they do. The men I killed, weren’t afraid to fucking die, but not all men are like that, Alfie. Men _should_ be afraid to die. If not, then they figure they don’t have anything to lose by betraying you.”

Alfie scratched his beard in thought. “Yes, well… that’s very fucking philosophical of you, Tommy, but that don’t bring my innocent men back, does it now? I understand your motives, but they were still my men, with fucking families to feed.”

“You have the money, Alfie,” Tommy half shrugged. “Just pay their families, yeah? Problem solved.”

Alfie let out a humorless laugh now before he knocked several papers off his desk in frustration. He took a deep breath now and let it out before he looked back at the Shelby man. “When you looked into their eyes, what did you see?”

“I saw contempt, Alfie. They didn’t care if they had killed my kin or not; they were well prepared to die by my hand. They didn’t even give up the one who actually had killed them. Did you tell them that they were going to die before they left here, Alfie? They didn’t seem surprised at all.”

“No, I didn’t fuckin’ tell them they were going to die. I didn’t know who the fucking traitor was, did I? They’re still my men, and I wouldn’t have fuckin’ sent them to you had I known you were just going to fuckin’ kill them, would I?” Alfie growled now. “So which one was your black cat, Tom?”

Tommy resisted the urge to light another cigarette. He was mentally tired of all the questions, even if he had expected the interrogation. “Sorry, Alfie, I didn’t care enough to catch his entire name, but… I believe his first name was Daniel.”

“Daniel Aderman, yes…” Alfie nodded now, caressing his beard again. He cast his eyes down at Tommy who was still sitting in the chair. “Do you know what Daniel means in Hebrew, Thomas?”

“No, but I don’t fucking care, Alfie.”

Alfie went on as if Tommy hadn’t said anything at all. “It means ‘God is my judge.’ God is, Tom… not you.”

Tommy clenched his jaw. “You wanted me to kill your traitor, I killed him, so you don’t get to fucking backtrack now and tell me what I did was fucking blasphemy, eh? We had a mutual problem, and now it’s solved. Our business is done.” He stood up now and started towards the door.

“Do you know what Thomas means in Hebrew?”

Tommy inhaled sharply through his nose. “I don’t have fucking time for this, Alfie..”

Once again, the Jewish man continued talking. “It means twin. That’s pretty fuckin’ tellin’, ain’t it, Tommy? We both had a mutual problem, that was fuckin’ right… we’re working together more and more lately, and now both our men have been killed by fuckin’ wild animals. It seems like we have more in common than you’d like.”

Tommy stared Alfie down upon being called a wild animal. He shivered a little, remembering how Moss had once referred to him as a wild fucking animal when he had killed that IRA man. He never took his eyes away from the other man. “That doesn’t make us fucking twins. That just means we’re both wild animals, Alfie.”

He took his leave now, not waiting for Alfie Solomons to give him any more unasked for Hebrew knowledge about names. He was tired of being scolded for doing what he thought was right. After this talk, he knew now that setting the example for future traitors had been the right thing to do. What if he hadn’t been one hundred percent sure about the traitor Daniel? What if he had only suspected him instead and didn’t know for sure, and then let the other men go?

He had done the right thing.

_If he had done the right thing, why did he have to keep reassuring himself?_

“Survival of the fittest, innit, Thomas?” Alfie remarked rhetorically as the Birmingham gangster left the office and headed to the train station.

  
**………… … ………..**

**  
**He was glad to be back in Birmingham a couple hours later, but now he was tired and just wanted to see his family. He headed into the Garrison and saw everyone he loved in there. Noise could be heard on the other side of it from actual customers, but locked off from the Shelbys.

“It’s good to see you’re back in one piece, Tommy.”

He turned around to see Ada holding out a glass of Irish whiskey out to him, one in her own hand. He took the glass from her and quickly downed it in one go, needing it after the conversation he had with Alfie earlier. Tommy could do without getting a religious lesson from Solomons every time he visited.

“Yes, Ada,” he spoke. “I’m back. Is John back yet?”

She pointed over towards a corner where John was holding a bottle of whiskey and drinking it all himself. Tommy shrunk in dismay; that was never a good sign when one of them hid himself away in a corner and nursed a bottle all to himself. He sighed heavily, deciding he’d deal with him in a bit.

“Right. Lizzie?”

Ada sipped her whiskey slowly before looking around and then pointed to a table. “Over there. She hasn’t drank very much, but she’s been rather quiet. I’m actually a bit worried. Have you knocked her up, Tommy?”

Thomas shook his head and sighed in annoyance. “No, Ada. If I had, I probably wouldn’t be standing here. Aunt Pol would rather I throw Lizzie on the streets than have a child with her. Excuse me, sister.” He didn’t want to have this discussion about Aunt Pol, and carefully maneuvered around Ada before he walked over to Lizzie who was sitting quietly at the table, sipping from her glass.

He sat down across from her in the empty seat. “All right, Lizzie?”

She looked uneasy, but maybe it was just sadness. Whenever she was upset, Lizzie always looked nervous, like she had something to hide, but maybe it was the sadness she was just trying to suppress. He knew how much she loathed looking weak in front of his family, especially in front of Polly.

She gave a nod, but she didn’t meet his eyes, which meant that she was either on the verge of tears right now, or she had been crying earlier and she didn’t want him to see. “H-How did it go with Alfie?” She sniffed quietly.

He reached across the table and took her free hand that wasn’t holding the glass. He gently caressed it, maybe more for his own sake than hers, if he was being honest. “It went fine. He was upset about his men, as we had anticipated, but… he’s not declaring war on us so… I’d say it was a success.”

She gave him a solemn smile and nodded again. She gently caressed his hand back, swallowing hard. “I half expected to have found your body in the cut by morning.”

“Thanks for your vote of confidence in me,” he commented quietly and calmly.

She gave a quick shake of her heard now, regretting her words. “No, I didn’t mean it like that, Tom. I just meant because Alfie isn’t usually known for his compassion. He’s crossed us before… you don’t think he’d do it again?”

He sighed. “Don’t worry, Lizzie. I knew what you meant. What’s John’s problem? How long’s he been drinking for?”

Lizzie was grateful for the change of subject as she looked over at Tommy’s younger brother who looked on the verge of passing out. She felt nothing but sympathy for him. “Since he got back from dumping the bodies. His problem is that he had to dispose of several men around his own age, Tommy!” she spoke in a hushed whisper, trying not to cause a scene as the rest of his family talked to each other and drank as music played in the background of the bar.

He looked over at her now and there was something in his eyes, something dark.

“I know that you’re a stone cold, emotionless statue half the time,” she continued, her voice a bit calmer now. “But some of us are grieving. I’m sure that John is probably thinking about Arthur right now.”

Tommy nodded now, unsure why he hadn’t figured that out sooner. It definitely made sense, though. Thomas Shelby didn’t have time to grieve; he had scores to settle and grudges to bury, not to mention bodies. He ran a hand through his hair and refilled his glass with Lizzie’s bottle that was sitting on the table.

He filled it up almost all the way now and took a drink before refilling her glass up, although not giving her as much as himself. “Who are you grieving for, Lizzie?” He asked softly, gentle.

She sniffed again before she quickly wiped her tears away with her index fingers. “Charlie, but… also Arthur. They’ve both protected me. I considered them family, even if it didn’t go both ways.”

He took her hand again and held it in his own hand. “Arthur was a… complicated person, Lizzie, but he cared about people in his own way. I’m sure he cared about you too if he bothered to protect you, and Charlie… my uncle had a big heart, bigger than I think he would ever admit. He definitely cared about you, and I’m sure he thought you kin as well.”

This made her feel a bit better, and she smiled weakly, nodding in acknowledgement. “Thank you, Tom.”

He caressed her hand, not letting go of it as she cried silently in her whiskey until she was out of tears. He looked around at his family.

Everyone looked fucking miserable, and why shouldn’t they be? Two of their own had died in under a week. He was sad too, but he couldn’t find it in himself to cry as well. It didn’t mean he didn’t miss his uncle or his older brother, though.

Aunt Polly was properly drunk now and she finished her glass before she set it down and then staggered over to him.

Whatever she was about to say wasn’t going to be kind. He reluctantly let go of Lizzie’s hand and looked up at Polly.

“I hope you’re happy, Thomas… murdering those poor boys in cold blood. I hope they haunt you at night!”

“Oi!” Ada suddenly interjected from behind Tommy upon hearing the woman’s wish. “Pol, that’s enough!”

Tommy shook his head and slowly stood up before he searched her face, his jaw set in irritation. “I have enough ghosts haunting me at night, Pol. Those _men_ won’t haunt me, though… because their deaths mean that Charlie and Arthur were avenged. Take your ghosts with you when you leave, Pol.”

His words made her nostrils flare with anger, but she stormed out of the bar without another word, heading to your own place. He sighed and looked to Ada who rolled her eyes at their Aunt’s behavior and gave Tommy a sympathetic smile.

It was Johnny Dog’s turn to make conversation with Tommy. The Shelby man just hoped it’d be better conversation than the one before it.

“Tommy,” he greeted solemnly in his Irish lilt. “I heard ya took a trip to Camden. Did it go all right, then? Or should we be expectin’ trouble?”

The subject matter made Tom relax a little bit now, having half expected him to have a problem with them killing Alfie’s men as well. He should’ve known better, though. He took a sip of whiskey. “It went all right, Johnny. I don’t think we have any more trouble any time soon.”

The Gypsy man nodded before he placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “I’m truly sorry ‘bout your uncle and brother, Tom. It’s _amriya_.”

_A curse._

Tommy wasn’t really sure what to say to that. He did believe in curses, but this was one thing he didn’t believe actually was part of it. He gave a slow, unsure nod before he looked at his friend. “Perhaps, Johnny… but I think sometimes we also curse ourselves unknowingly. We make poor choices sometimes, and then we end up payin’ for them.”

Johnny smirked widely now before he gave a chuckle. “_Ní raibh feall riamh nach fillfeadh…_What goes around, comes around. Me mother believed in karma more than anythin’ else in the world. Don’t worry, Tom… things will get better, they usually do.”

“Yeah, right before they get fucking worse again,” Thomas replied resignedly. “Go back to your own family, Johnny Dogs. Thanks for helping me this past week, yeah?”

Johnny gave Tommy a firm hug before he gave a nod and then took his leave.

The bar was starting to thin out a bit now. Most of them had enough of drinking after about an hour or so and went back home. Soon, all that was left was Tommy, Ada, Lizzie, and John, who was still sitting in the corner, an empty bottle lay on the table.

He excused himself from Lizzie, letting Ada take his seat now, and walked over to his brother, sitting down across from him, and taking out a cigarette, lighting it.

“Arthur would be proud of you, John,” Tommy spoke, clearing his throat. “Drinkin the way he used to drink, to excess.”

John looked across the table at Thomas and it was now that the elder could see John’s red, puffy eyes; it was evident that he had been crying as well. The sight made his heart sink into his stomach. Maybe Lizzie had been right after all about what John had done earlier; maybe it really had been the heavy task of dumping men his own age into the cut to hide their bodies.

That kind of thing had to take a toll on a man his age.

_What the fuck had Tommy been thinking making his brother do that? _He hadn’t been thinking. That was the whole of it.

“So I guess that our father would be proud too then, huh, Tommy?” His voice was low and raspy, fresh tears in his eyes.

Tommy took another drag of his cigarette before he looked at John. “Who are you cryin’ for, John? Is it for our kin or is it for those kids?”

_Fuck._

_Now he was calling them kids._

John swallowed hard and shrugged before he roughly wiped his face. “Arthur, I suppose. I’m fucking crying for him. He didn’t even fucking see him, Tom! He didn’t even see who killed him…” Fresh tears started streaming down John’s cheeks. “The guy was a fucking coward, and Arthur couldn’t even… h-he couldn’t even fucking f-fight him off!”

Tommy watched him and just nodded. He knew he should feel more towards John right now but there was something broken in Thomas Shelby. He didn’t show emotions the way others did. He wasn’t sure what to say so he just let his brother continue talking. Maybe he’d feel better if he got it all out.

“Arthur makes it through a war only to fucking die in some dark place by a fuckin’ stranger! Fucking… Alfie’s men… it was _his_ fault, Tom! It was… f-fucking Alfie’s fault that Arthur got killed. It was his man!”

Tommy sighed now, figuring now was the best time to intervene, try to interrupt John’s thoughts before it was too late to turn them around.

“Listen to me, John, that coward is dead now, yeah? He’s gone. Alfie didn’t know who the traitor was, and it was our job to find him and get rid of him, and that’s what we fucking did. It’s over, John… you hear me? Arthur died, Charlie died, but so did their murderer, and now it’s done. I don’t want to hear another fucking word about it after tonight,” Tommy warned him.

The last thing they needed right now was a war between Alfie’s men and the Peaky Blinders. Tommy was so fucking tired of fighting.

John looked across the table at him, his eyes unfocused and glassy from drinking. He just nodded and stood up, heading towards the front door slowly.

“Come on, Ada,” John spoke. “I’ll walk you back home.” At least John still had that protectiveness even when he was drunk.

Ada and Tommy could both tell him it was unnecessary now, since the men were dead, but they’d just be telling John something he already knew. Ada stood up and hugged Tommy before letting John walk her outside.

Lizzie and Tommy were the only ones left, and the excitement in the other room had also faded. Everyone was going home. He hadn’t realized how dark it had gotten already.

He held out a hand and helped Lizzie onto her feet, although she was probably one of the most sober people here. “Ready to leave?”

She nodded and took his hand in hers as they started towards her flat. For the first time probably in her life, Lizzie Stark felt _safe_ walking in the dark. She didn’t feel that dread anymore that she had felt before Tommy decided to do his execution.

It didn’t mean that she thought it had been necessary, and a part of her even despised that he had done it that way, but unlike the others, she could see the regret in his eyes; the guilt that was locked away behind them. She held his arm close as they took the stairs up and entered her place.

He closed the door behind them, and it was only now when he let down his façade. He took off his jacket and let out a deep sigh, finishing what was left of his cigarette before snubbing it out.

“I made a mistake making John throw those bodies in the cut, Lizzie,” he finally admitted aloud. “I should’ve had Johnny do it.”

She nodded but then gave him a sad smile. “John will be okay. He’s strong. He’ll get through this… we all will.”

He cleared his throat again.

“I hope so, Lizzie. John’s angry, and anger leads to trouble, always. His temper is like Arthur’s, it boils over without warning sometimes.”

She searched his face. “Are you worried what John will do?” He gave a reluctant nod. “He just needs to sleep it off tonight. He’ll be better in the morning, Tom. It’s just been a long week or everyone. Come on, let’s go to bed.”

He didn’t argue as she helped him out of his clothes and then got undressed herself. The two of them climbed into bed, but neither made an intimate move towards the other; instead, he wrapped his arms around her small body and held her close, burying his face in her chest before he kissed the soft skin there.

She relaxed as he did this, closing her eyes out of exhaustion, but didn’t let herself fall asleep until she heard Tommy’s own soft, rhythmic breathing that told her he had also fallen asleep.


	14. a terrible accident

**. . .**

Tommy woke up the next morning to the sound of pounding on his door, and it was this moment when he knew that something wasn’t right; something had gone completely wrong.

He could feel it in his stomach.

“Tommy! Tommy, wake up!” _Ada’s voice._

He got up quickly and got dressed before he hurried over to the door and opened it to see her, seeing tears in her eyes. “What is it, Ada? What’s happened?”

“A-Alfie Solomons is on the phone for you in the shop, Tom…” Her voice was broken, and Tommy had a million questions race through his head. He hurried out, putting his jacket on, and started towards the betting shop.

_What had happened?_

_Why was Ada crying, and why the fuck was Alfie calling him?_

She stayed by his side as he picked up the receiver. “Hello? Alfie?”

There was a clearing of the throat on the other end and then a solemn, fearful voice started talking. “Tommy,” he started. “One of your men came here, looking for me, it would seem, and… one of my men defended me and… he killed him.”

Tommy’s hands were already shaking before Alfie had even finished his explanation; he knew who had gone to find Alfie. He must have left right after dropping Ada off at home and then taken a boat there. He swallowed hard, feeling like he was going to be sick.

He looked over at Ada now and that seemed to be enough; she burst out in sobs before covering her mouth, as if realizing that Tommy needed her now more than ever, and he did.

“I’m leaving right now,” he spoke to Alfie before he hung up and wrapped his arms around Ada tightly, feeling her start to crumble. “Ada, listen to me. You need to get Lizzie, and go on over to John’s place. Keep Esme there with the children until I can come back and explain what happened to him.”

She nodded but her own eyes were full of questions that she didn’t dare ask aloud. She wiped her face and ran out, heading towards Lizzie’s first.

Tommy ran his hands over his head in distress, feeling like he was losing all his brothers. Just then, he saw Finn hurry over to him in that moment as Tommy made his way to his car, deciding it might be quicker than by boat.

“Tommy, what’s going on? I just saw Ada…”

He started up the car and looked up at Finn. “Stay here, go to Esme’s place with Lizzie and Ada, and don’t let her leave.”

“What? Wait! What happened, Tom?”

“Stay here with them, Finn,” Tommy ordered firmly. “I’m going to Camden, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He pulled out and started down the road towards Camden town.

He could tell Ada knew what had happened, because for some reason, Alfie told her. If she told Esme what had happened to John, she might take the kids and run off. He wanted to at least explain to her what had happened properly and if she still wanted to do that, then she could.

He felt tears in his eyes as he drove, thinking about John lying somewhere on the ground, shot dead. He should’ve made sure he had been okay last night. Tommy should have _made sure._

He thought drinking would help him, because he’s had nights like that before, and once it was out of his system, he moved on with things.

He needed answers, and that’s what he hoped to find in London.

  
**……… … ….**

He arrived at Alfie’s bakery by the afternoon and once he shut the car off, he had to keep himself from running to find his brother.

His legs felt like they were going to give out from underneath him. He was stopped by two of Alfie’s men who took his weapons and his hat before letting him proceed. That was probably smart – Tommy might want to shoot the bastard that did this.

He was met halfway with Alfie who looked more apprehensive than Tommy had ever seen him.

“Show me,” Tommy ordered. “Take me to him, Alfie.”

The Camden man gave a nod and led Tommy over to the stairs by Alfie’s office. He looked around – there was a corner that John was probably hiding around, waiting for Alfie. He looked down at John and then knelt down beside him, feeling himself getting choked by tears.

He placed a hand on John’s chest where he had been shot. It had been a clean shot to his heart that John probably never saw coming until it was too late. Tommy examined his brother; he lay there helpless on the floor as blood pooled around him, his skin turning white, his lips blue.

He saw Alfie standing by him, his arms folded across his chest, but his face was giving him away. He was trying to appear in charge, but the truth was that he was nervous.

He looked up at the man. “What… what happened, Alfie?” The truth was, he didn’t need to ask because he knew. _Tommy fucking knew_ what had happened. He just wanted to hear Alfie’s version first before he decided if there was to be a gang war between them or not.

“I was just walking through here, right, when I was about to head upstairs and then I saw your brother John boy there come from around the corner and he pointed a gun towards me. Honestly, mate, I didn’t have time to react, right. Ollie saw him in time and shot him right off.”

_Ollie._

He clenched his jaw and swallowed hard. “Can I speak to Ollie?”

“No,” Alfie put his foot down. “No, you cannot, I’m afraid. I know you, Tom, and I know that you have some kind of weapon still on your person, don’t you? I can’t have you shooting my right hand man, can I?”

He wet his lips and looked back down at John, unsure what had really happened. All he had to go on was Alfie’s word. He only knew one thing right now.

“I have to bring his body back,” he spoke quietly.

Alfie nodded. “Right, of course you do, mate. I _am_ sorry about your brother, Tommy… I am, but… I’d like to know why he was here in the first place, yeah? I’m sure you can see how fuckin’ terrible this looks, right. You killed my men, I threatened you, and now your brother came here to kill me… I confess, I really thought you had sent him yourself.”

“I didn’t send him,” Tommy nearly whispered. “He came here on his own. John blamed you for Arthur’s death since it was your man who had killed him. He thought you had told him to do it, Alfie.”

The other man shook his head, looking down at him. “Right, well… I didn’t tell them to kill your brother or your uncle, Tommy. I wouldn’t do that unless I had good reason, right. So, how are we going to fix this, mate? I can’t have you leavin’ here on such bad terms.”

Thomas Shelby was quiet for a long time before he stood up. “I want to talk with Ollie.”

Alfie looked unsure at first but then he sighed and looked behind Tommy before he whistled to him. The young man known as Ollie hurried over to them and then stood by the Shelby man.

He looked over at Ollie. “You’re the one who my brother?”

Ollie glanced over at Alfie who gave him an encouraging nod, and then he looked back at Tommy. “Yes, I am, sorry to say.”

Tommy cleared his throat. “Tell me exactly what happened, lad.”

Ollie was looking nervous again, but he straightened his spine. “Right, okay, so I was talking to Alfie and then he started towards his office. He had just rounded the stairs to go up when I saw your brother round the corner with a gun. He took aim towards Alfie, and… and I just did my job, to protect Alfie, and… I shot your brother in the chest, and he fell on the floor.”

He searched the young man’s face, but he didn’t see any signs of lying. “Did he say anything before he died?”

Ollie looked uneasy again. He was on his back on the ground and looking up at me, and he said something that sounded like… ‘I say….’ And then he… he passed.”

Alfie looked over at Tommy curiously. “Does that mean anything to you, Tommy?”

Thomas Shelby could feel his heart breaking inside of him. “He said, Esme. That’s his wife’s name. He was thinking about her.” He started to pace, trying to think. He didn’t want a war with Alfie, and they had lost so many men already that they needed time to grieve or else more would end up like John. He rubbed his eyes, feeling lost.

“Mate, you’re makin’ me fuckin’ nervous here… what are you planning on doing?”

Tommy took a deep breath and he looked between Alfie and Ollie. “It ends here!” He yelled. “It fucking ends here, you hear me? No more fucking killing my brothers! I don’t want to see any more of your Camden bastards in Birmingham or else you’ll see them in the cut next!”

His yelling had appeared to take both men aback, but then he felt something wet on his face and internally cursed himself before wiping away his tears on his cheeks. He rubbed his eyes hard and took a shaky breath.

“Someone get my brother into my car… I’m taking him home with m-me,” he demanded shakily.

Ollie looked over at Alfie, who gave a nod and then whistled to another man before motioning him to come over.

“Help get this young man into Tommy’s car, mate, yeah?” Ollie and the other man grabbed John carefully and then followed him towards the car before laying in the back seat.

Alfie was looking at his familiar with concerned eyes now and gently pulled Tommy aside. “I don’t mean to overstate the obvious here, Tom, but you’re going to ride all the way to Birmingham with a dead brother in the back of your car, right. You really shouldn’t do that to yourself, mate.”

“It’s fine. I just need to get my brother home. We need to have a wake for him.”

Alfie searched his eyes. “Are we all right, then?”

Tommy looked at him with his own dead ones. He gave a nod and then took his belongings back before he got into the car and started to drive back home.

The truth was, if he didn’t take him home right now, he would consider just burning him there at the bakery, but he knew that Esme needed closure. They all would need it, even himself. He just needed to bring him back.

He didn’t stop all the tears from running down his cheeks as he drove back home to Small Heath. He was glad that his brother wasn’t alive to see him cry like this.

  
**………… …… …………**

Everything happened all at once when he arrived home late that night. Finn was the first one to see him pull onto the street (_he must have been watching for him_), and he ran out and immediately helped Tommy take him out of the car and hold him.

“What the fuck happened to him, Tom?” He started crying. “What happened to him?”

Tommy needed to be careful how he worded his next words; the last thing he needed was for any more brothers to get killed. “An accident, Finn. A terrible, terrible fucking accident happened. Now, get him to his house, and round up everyone so we can talk about this.”

“A family meeting?”

Tommy gave a solemn nod. “Yes, Finn, a family meeting.” He saw the younger Shelby man still crying but he pulled himself together enough to help him to John and Esme’s house before laying him on the couch.

Esme was the next one to see John, but chaos started to ensue. She started screaming and sobbing after Finn left, going to her husband’s side, and falling down next to him.

She looked up at Tommy. “W-What happened to him, Tom? What the fuck happened to my fucking husband?”

“An accident, Esme,” he parroted again.

She wrapped her arms around John’s body, holding him close to her, seemingly not bothered by the blood that was still coating his chest and hands. He felt his heart breaking for her and their children as she cried against poor John.

Next Ada and Lizzie walked in and Ada started crying as well. Tommy hurried over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

“Come, Ada… you don’t have to look at him,” he spoke kindly. He could hear asking again and again, _what happened, _and he felt like he barely even heard her at all. He just shook his head. “I’m sorry, Ada… our brother’s dead.”

She held him tightly as she cried against him, and he held her back just as tightly, needing to feel _something_.

It was Aunt Polly’s turn now to start sobbing when she came in, throwing herself down at John’s body next to Esme, while simultaneously trying to comfort her at the same.

Lizzie came over to Ada and took Tommy’s place now, holding her close, as if she could read Tommy’s mind.

He walked over to Aunt Polly and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Aunt Pol. I am…”

“Y-You’re sorry? Fucking sorry?” She stood up quickly now and started to pound on his chest angrily. “This is your fault! This is because you killed those children, isn’t it, Thomas? This was your fault that your brother was shot dead!”

He put his hands up to stop her from striking him. “Let me explain! Let me explain what happened, Aunt Pol…”

“A fucking explanation won’t bring John back!” Pol cried hysterically. “_You _did this, Thomas. You! You and your dirty business with Alfie Solomons that I was against in the first place!”

He sighed inwardly and placed his hands firmly on her shoulders now, putting distance between them. “I’m about to explain what happened, Pol, so if you want to stay and listen, you’re welcome to, but if you’re not going to let me talk, then you should leave.”

“How are you so fucking calm about this, Thomas? How?! He was your brother!” she still screamed at him, hatred in her eyes.

Ada and Finn both had calmed down enough now to force Aunt Polly away from Tommy and keep her at a distance now so he could speak. Everyone in the room was crying, except for him. He had cried on the way home, so he felt like he was out of tears right now, which was good because now he had to be the strong one.

Esme looked up at him expectantly, but still kept one of her arms around John.

“John… wanted revenge for what happened to Charlie and Arthur,” he started. “I told him to put it out of his head, that justice had already been served, but he refused to listen. He went to Camden town, not on my orders, and he was about to kill Alfie, when one of his men there saw what was about to take place, and intervened, resulting directly in John’s death.”

“Don’t you dare try to make this John’s fault!” Aunt Polly demanded. “If you hadn’t killed those men –ʺ

He was tired of being blamed for that. “If I hadn’t killed those men, then more of us would be fucking dead right now! Like it or not, I did the right thing! John’s fault was his own! If he hadn’t gone to Camden to seek fucking revenge, then he wouldn’t be lying here right now!”

Aunt Polly took two strides over to him, slapped his face hard, and then stormed out of the house. Tommy felt the burn from the slap, and glanced over at Lizzie who took this as her cue to go take care of Polly. Ada collapsed in a chair, unable to hold herself up anymore, but it was clear that she had at least heard Tommy.

He looked down at Esme, waiting for her to do something similar, but she remained kneeling on the floor, breathing John in as she sobbed into him. “L-Leave us… please… I just want to be with him tonight, and t-then we can h-have the wake tomorrow…”

He gave a nod of understanding, knowing that eventually, Esme’s grief would get the best of her and she’d fall asleep. He placed a gentle hand on her back now, before he turned to Ada and held his hand out to her.

“We can go to your house, Ada,” he offered.

She blinked several times, still quietly crying, but nodded and took his hand. She let him lead her out and towards her place. Once he got her settled on the couch in front of the fire, he made them tea that he knew neither of them would drink and set it down on the table.

He sat down next to her and lit a cigarette.

This wasn’t the first family member to die, and they all knew the risk that this life came with it. They were all aware, and even though they sobbed, they would pick themselves back up again and press on, because that’s what they had to do.

“D-Did he die q-quickly,” Ada asked weakly, “or… did it take a while?”

He didn’t want to answer these types of questions, but he knew it would be worse if he didn’t. Answers helped her, even if they were lies.

“I was told that… he fell to the ground after he was shot, and… then he spoke Esme’s name, right before he passed.”

She bit her lip and swallowed back a sob. “W-What can we do about t-this?”

Tommy sighed heavily, taking a drag of his cigarette before exhaling. “We’re not going to do anything, Ada. It’s over now. This ends with John. No more brothers will die because of Alfie’s fucking traitors. This ends now, and I’ve told them that, and now I’m telling you it now.”

She nodded, seemingly satisfied with the prospect of no more blood being spilt anymore.

“What do you think Esme will do now?” She wiped her eyes and took a breath to try to calm down some.

“I don’t know,” he answered honestly. “She might take the children and leave, go back to the Lees. We’ll give her that option, but if she wishes to stay here, then she’s more than welcome to. She’s still a part of our family.”

Ada nodded in agreement and leaned against Tommy. He gently held her close. “It’ll be okay, sister. We’ll get through this. We always do.”

“Why aren’t you upset about John?”

“I am, Ada,” he confessed. “I’m upset about him, and I’ve already cried for him on the way back here. I know that nothing’s going to bring him back though, and we just need to have the wake tomorrow, and move on.”

Ada nodded and started to cry all over again, but he held her until she had fallen asleep in hours of the early morning of the next day, and he smoked until his lungs ached, and then he smoked some more.


	15. protection

**. . .**

Tommy didn’t get any sleep last night. Every time he closed his eyes, he just saw John with a bullet hole in his chest, whispering his wife’s name. He remembered the day he had married Esme; John had been so angry at first, but he knew what had been at stake, and finally agreed to it.

His face had lit up when he saw Esme’s beautiful face. If Tommy was being honest, he probably would’ve married Esme too.

He had slept over at Ada’s house, staying with her to make sure she was okay. She was strong, but he had also heard her crying softly in her room until the early hours. Tommy was already dressed, and he walked out onto Watery Lane, starting to walk to John and Esme’s house.

He gently knocked on the door and was invited inside by Esme a few minutes later. Tommy walked inside, closing the door behind him. He gave her a once-over; her eyes were red and puffy, filled with a deep sadness that was expected, but there was also spite in them too.

“So what will you do now that there’s nothin’ keeping you here?” he tested the waters.

She led him into the kitchen and sat down at the table. He put the kettle on, making tea for them. Tommy took out two cups for them and then sat down across from her, setting his hat down.

“No doubt you’re hoping I’ll go back with the Lees,” she spoke almost bitterly.

Tommy wet his lips and then lit a cigarette, taking a drag from it before looking at her. “You can either stay here or leave for the Lees, the decision is yours, Esme. You’re more than welcome to stay here with the children, and we’ll continue to take care of you and them.”

Esme sighed and crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking over at him with a wariness in her eyes. “If it’s all the same to you, Thomas, I’d like to stay here with the kids, but not because of the money.”

He had to admit, that was his first thought why she would decide to stay here with them, but now he knew that for some reason, she believed she was safer here with them than with the Lees, but surely, that could not be the reason. He took another drag of his cigarette before he exhaled.

“I’ve lost two of my brothers here, plus my uncle. It’s not safe here, Esme… so why are you staying?” He asked curiously.

The tea kettle started to whine, so he shut the fire off underneath it, and poured water into two mugs before placing one in front of her and then sat down with his own, still waiting for her answer.

“I haven’t sent any money to the Lees in a while,” she spoke softly, sipping her tea. “I’m on the outs with them. We’re not exactly on favorable terms anymore. We don’t have anywhere to go, Thomas, so that’s why I’d like to stay here. I trust that nothing bad will happen to us.”

Tommy sipped his tea, his one cigarette resting between his fingers, slowly dwindling down. He wouldn’t had blamed her if she had wanted to leave Small Heath; so many of their family members had died in such a short period of time, and he blamed himself for all of it, even if he hated that Polly blamed him for it.

He gave a nod. It would be the least he could do, keeping Esme and the children safe. “I’ll do my best to make sure of that, but I can’t promise anything. If you want to stay, though, you’re free to do so. I’ll have some of my men watching over your family as protection.”

Esme nodded and sipped more tea, but he could tell she wished it were something stronger, like whiskey. “Thank you, Thomas.”

He took another drag. “We’ll have the wake for John today,” he promised.

She nodded. “Do you think it’s safe?”

“Yes,” he nodded back. “I’ve talked to Alfie and all his men in Camden. We’re at a truce, and we’re on good terms with each other right now. I’m not worried about any more retaliation from them.”

She gave a heavy sigh, and avoided his eyes now. “How do we know we can trust them?”

“Alfie seemed genuinely sorry about what happened to John. I talked to his second in command, Ollie, and I believe that he was protecting Alfie. I don’t believe he actually meant to kill John, Esme. I believe… he meant to shoot him in his shoulder, or his arm, but the bullet hit him in the chest instead, and it was an unfortunate incident.”

“Do you really believe that?” She asked him suspiciously. “He’s betrayed you before… done business behind your back with other gangs.”

“I know,” he took another drag before he scratched at his temple carefully. “He was more afraid of a war between us than anything, though. He was worried I’d want vengeance for John’s death. He doesn’t want a war. He wants peace now as much as I do. I could see it in his eyes, Esme.”

She seemed satisfied now with this answer, nodding in understanding. She was quiet for a long time, sipping her tea until the two of them had finished their cups.

“Did you really tell John not to go to Camden?” Her voice was low, soft.

Tommy finished his cigarette and put it out before sighing softly. He didn’t want to have this conversation, but he knew that she deserved answers more than anyone else right now.

“Yes, I did. I told him the night he got drunk at the Garrison. I told him to put it out of his mind. I thought he had gone home, but obviously, he just went to Camden instead,” he spoke solemnly.

She nodded, swallowing hard before she looked over at the couch where John’s body still lay. His eyes were closed, so he just looked like he was sleeping. She sighed shakily.

He cleared his throat and rubbed his sore eyes. “I’m so tired, Esme,” he spoke again. “I’m tired of fighting, killing, arguing. I’m tired of Polly blaming me for my brothers’ deaths. I’m just… fucking tired, Esme.”

She looked back over at him, her eyes a bit softer now, gentle. She searched his own eyes with hers. “You need to make sure that Finn doesn’t die next. You don’t have much of a family anymore, Thomas. You need to watch over the last one you have or else he’ll be gone next.”

He didn’t appreciate that she told him what he already knew, but he could tell her heart was in the right place. Tommy sighed and nodded, standing up. He took some money out of his pocket that he carried on him in situations like this and placed it on the table in front of her.

She stared at it, a tear running down her cheek, but she reached out and took the money from him. “Thank you, Thomas.”

“You’re welcome, Esme,” he spoke, his voice gravely from his morning cigarette. “Go on and get the children ready. I’ll send some men to come ‘round and get John’s body for the wake.”

She nodded and then she stood up. She looked at him with wide eyes now, and she looked hesitant, but then she moved closer to him and wrapped her arms around him. Tommy embraced her back, knowing that she was grieving, and she was yearning for masculine arms around her again.

He held her for several minutes patiently before she finally broke the embrace and looked at him almost gratefully before she disappeared from the kitchen. He walked out of the house, wishing he didn’t have to attend any more of his brothers’ wakes.

  
**…………… … …………  
  
**  
He felt ashamed for standing at John’s wake, and he didn’t even feel anything. Sure, he did feel anger, frustration, rage, sadness, resentment, but at the same time, he also felt like his cold heart was lying still and dead in his chest.

He felt like he could push down all that other shit, and still felt numb. He watched as the caravan burned before them, smoke surrounding them in an almost protective cloud.

To no one’s surprise, especially Tommy Shelby’s, Polly rushed towards him and was punching his chest with her fists in a fury that he couldn’t blame her for. He knew how much she blamed him for not only John’s death, but also Arthur’s. He put his hands up just to protect himself, not touching her.

Scudboat and Johnny Dogs hurried over to her and gently pulled her away from Tommy. She shrugged them off before she stormed off. He gave a look to Ada that told her to walk her home, and then over to Scudboat and Johnny to watch over the two women.

All his men were armed right now, just to put Tommy’s mind at ease. He smoked his third cigarette in under a half hour, watching the flames eat away at the caravan unmercifully.

“In the bleak midwinter,” he spoke under his breath, as a silent tribute.

He looked over at Finn, who was crying silently, but his hands were also balled tightly into fists, his jaw was clenched. Tommy was almost regretting having given him a gun and a shoulder holster. He watched as the others began to walk away from the wake, ready to move on with their lives and work.

Tommy was surprised when he felt Lizzie’s hand in his own, lacing their fingers together, but he couldn’t deny his gratitude she did so either. He enclosed his fingers around hers and looked over at Finn. “Come back home with us, Finn. We’ll have a drink, eh?”

As angry as Finn looked, he managed to give a nod, and followed them to Tommy’s house. Despite the truce he had made with Alfie, he still found himself glancing around in paranoid, thinking that maybe someone else was going to kill another of his brothers.

Of course they arrived back home safely, and once they were inside, Tommy started to pour the three of them Irish whiskey. He handed the glasses off to both Lizzie and Finn, and watched as Lizzie took a sip of hers, while Finn drank the whole thing in one go.

Finn was quiet, looking away from his older brother, and all it did was unsettle him even more.

“Would you like to say what’s on your mind, brother?” He asked, taking another drink of his own whiskey, eyeing Finn cautiously, feeling like he could already sense what he was about to say; he was more like John than Tommy would’ve liked.

Finn clenched his jaw again, and he nearly slammed his glass back down before he looked at Tommy with tears in his eyes. “I want to fucking kill the bastard that killed John! I’m going to! We can’t just sit back and let them pick all of us off, one by one, Tom!”

He released Lizzie’s hand to put his hand in front of Finn, barely touching is chest. She seemed to understand the situation and excused herself to go elsewhere in the house. Tommy looked at him. “I know you’re upset, Finn, but no one is getting picked off!”

He seemed to ignore Tommy, rage settling in his eyes now before he suddenly pulled out his gun and aimed it at his brother. The older Shelby was glad that Lizzie was no longer in the room. He stared at Finn in alarm, searching his face.

“Put the gun down, Finn,” he ordered firmly. He was so used to guns being pointed at him, but it felt differently when a member of his own family did it.

His little brother’s hand was shaking slightly as he pointed it at Tommy’s chest. Finn hadn’t shot a gun more than twice in his life, so he prayed that he didn’t accidentally shoot him this time.

“Every time you go to Camden town, one of our brothers die!” Finn shouted angrily. “I’m tired of it, Tom! I’m tired of going to wakes! Am I going to die next time, Tom? Eh?!”

Tommy had his hands up in the universal sign of surrender, but he was also trying to get the gone away from him at the same time. He edged a bit closer to him.

“You’re not going to die next, Finn. I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen,” he promised. “Come on, brother. Put the gun down…”

Finn shook his head, but now there was a fear in his eyes. Tommy gently reached out and took the pistol from him, relieved when Finn let him. He emptied the gun of bullets before laying it on a table nearby. He hadn’t expected his little brother to ever pull a gun on him like that, and it took him back.

Finn still looked angry, and Tom tried to grab him before he suddenly ran out of the house.

“Fuck,” Thomas Shelby swore before he ran out after him. He saw head back towards his own house, though, and calmed down. At least he wasn’t about to leave Small Heath. He walked back inside and sighed, making his way upstairs to his room.

Lizzie had to be there because she wasn’t anywhere else in the house. He ran his hands over his hair and relaxed when he saw her tidying up the room.

“Are you all right?” She asked him, looking him over. “I heard shouting…”

Tommy gave a nod and then felt himself weaken, wrapping his arms around Lizzie to embrace her, breathing her in. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. He could feel her hug him tightly back.

“Tell me what you need from me, Tommy,” she whispered.

He continued to hold her before he pulled away and cupped her face with his hands gently. “Just you, here with me. That’s all I need from you, Lizzie.”

He nodded and gave a warm smile. “I’m here, Tom.”

He took his jacket off and sat down on the bed. Lizzie hiked up her dress and straddled his lap. He held her steady on his legs, and leaned in to kiss her lips. He held her in place, but it didn’t go any further than that. Instead, he was just quiet for several minutes.

“Are you worried about Finn?”

He nodded once. “I’m worried what he’ll do to himself. He’s angry, Lizzie. He’s angry at me, and I’m afraid he’s going to go to Camden town to get revenge for John’s death, and it’ll just be a vicious cycle. I told Alfie that was it, that it ends with John. I don’t want a war… I don’t want Finn to get into trouble.”

“Then don’t let him get into trouble,” she spoke softly. “Keep someone on him, don’t let him out of your sight.”

He was about to do that anyway, but hearing the suggestion out of her mouth made him feel like it was the right thing to do right now anyway. “Finn is just like John, and John is more like Arthur.”

She shook her head. “No, Tom. John and Finn are more like you. Arthur is just… Arthur. John and Finn are less unpredictable, more sensible. You’re more like them than Arthur. He was his own person. There was no one like him.”

“There’s no one like John either,” he sighed solemnly. “Fuck, Lizzie… how do I keep doing this? How do I go on when we’ve lost so many of us already? It’s only been a couple months, and Finn’s the only one of my brothers left.”

She placed her hands on his face softly, and made him looked up at him. She kissed his lips. “You go on because life goes on. You couldn’t help what happened to Charlie or Arthur… and John did what he did on his own. You can still save Finn, though. It isn’t too late.”

Tommy knew she was right; it wasn’t too late. He would tell Scudboat and Isiah to keep an eye on Finn, to not let him to anything stupid, and to protect him with their lives. He gently caressed Lizzie’s shoulders with his thumbs, taking her in.

_She was real._

_She was alive. _

She unbuttoned his shirt, and didn’t stop there until all their clothes were off, and he straddled his lap again, this time helping him one of the only ways she knew how. He needed an escape, even if it was just for a little bit.

He held her close, moaning in unison with her until their bodies crashed together like waves against rocks, becoming one.

She lay down beside him afterwards, and he wrapped his arm affectionately around her, protectively. Tommy had let two of his brothers die, but he wasn’t going to let her or Finn die. He would gladly take a bullet for either of them and Ada, of course.

They shared a couple cigarettes as they lay together in bed, still naked. He felt like his grief was at least put on pause, long enough so he could concentrate on other things that needed to be done.

Tommy began to get dressed, a couple hours later, and glanced out the window. He saw a couple of his men walking by, and he opened the window before he whistled to them, and then motioned for them to come inside.

He met them downstairs, giving Lizzie time to change back into her own clothes as well as her privacy, before looking at them. “If Lizzie goes anywhere, you’ll go with her, no excuses. Make sure you have bullets in your guns, and walk her wherever she wants to go. You’ll not let her out of your sight, upon pain of death, yeah?”

They nodded obediently and made themselves comfortable downstairs. Once he felt assured that Lizzie would be protected, he grabbed his hat and headed out of his place. He then went to find Scudboat, ordering him to keep an eye on Ada, and follow her.

Lastly, he went to go find Isaiah. It took longer than he had anticipated, but he found him in the back room of the Garrison, helping to restock barrels.

“Isaiah,” he greeted when he walked in. “I want you to go keep an eye on Finn. Wherever he goes, you’ll go there with him, make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid, and if he does, then you shoot whoever you have to.”

Isaiah nodded but looked somewhat hesitant. “What if he goes off on his own without me?”

Tommy cocked his head to the side slightly, and then took a step towards the younger man. “Then you’ll go out there and fucking find him, and then you’ll bring him back here.”

He nodded again. “All right, Tom.”

“Good lad,” Tommy spoke approvingly. “Now fuck off,” he said, not unkindly.

Isaiah didn’t ask any more questions before he left the back room to go find Finn. Tommy felt like his mind was somewhat at ease now, at least. He walked out of the room as well and looked around, suddenly feeling the whole inside his chest grow tenfold.

This had been his brother’s pub, and now it was his. He remembered Arthur pouring drinks behind the bar, chattering and yelling, ordering, even smiling sometimes. He wouldn’t be doing any of those things anymore.

He swallowed hard and cleared his throat before he found more of his men who didn’t seem to be doing much of anything, and told them to go watch Ada as well. They were more than happy to do it, and it helped relax Tommy.

He decided to head over to his sister’s house, despite the fact he had just told his men to watch it. Tommy hadn’t visited her yet.

He saw one man standing outside the house, and walked inside, seeing two more sitting on the couch, chatting and smoking. Tommy glanced around, not seeing Ada.

He walked into the kitchen and saw her eating toast with jam, drinking tea, but she stood up defiantly now when she saw him.

“Good morning, Ada,” he greeted.

“Good morning, yourself! I don’t need your Brummie boys watching me like dogs!”

He should have known she’d act this way. She never liked it when he had his men watching her. “It’s for your own protection, Ada. If I didn’t do it, I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. I lost Charlie, Arthur, and John; I’m not going to lose you as well.”

Ada sighed and sat back down, seemingly losing her fight now. “I can protect myself, Tommy. Just give me a bloody gun.”

Tommy sighed, hating that it probably wasn’t a bad idea. He already knew that she knew how to use one. He’d seen her practice before when she thought no one else was looking. Whether it was for her revolution, or for her own sake, he wasn’t sure, but he just remembered being proud of her for not being afraid to hold it in her hands and shoot it.

He took out his own gun and made sure it was loaded before he placed it in front of her. “Be careful with it, Ada… it’s already loaded. If you’re going to aim it, make sure you’re ready to shoot it.”

She took it in her hands and examined it. “What about you?”

“I have others,” he shrugged, lighting another cigarette. “Don’t aim it at any of the men protectin’ you, though. They’re just doing what I’ve told them to do.”

Ada nodded. “Of course I’m not going to aim it at our own, Tommy,” she rolled her eyes before she set the gun back down again. “Thank you.”

He nodded dismissively and cleared his throat after taking a drag. “I’ve talked to Esme. She says she wants to stay here, that she’s had a fallen out with the Lees. Apparently, she’s still all right with Johnny Dogs, though.”

“You trust her?” Ada asked him cautiously. “You don’t think she’ll try and kill you for letting John die?”

Tommy looked up at her and searched her face. He had to admit; that was something he hadn’t thought about. She was a strong women, but she had also been a Lee before her life here with the Shelby clan. She had that fight in her.

“I don’t think so, no,” he decided. “I’ve compensated her well enough, and I’m going to make sure she’s protected as well. We had a nice enough chat earlier… I’m not worried about her wanting to avenge him.”

Ada nodded in acknowledgement and Tommy smoked in silence. It seemed silly to put his men to watch his family when it was clear that Alfie didn’t want a war with them. Then again, he had black cats in his business, so maybe if there was one, there was more. Perhaps it had been smart to put his men to watch his family members after all.

Perhaps it was just paranoia.

Ada ate her breakfast, reading the paper quietly. The two siblings sat in a comfortable silence, with only the faint sound of chatter from the living room from his men. They seemed well enough at ease, relaxed. At least someone was.

“Finn put a gun to my head earlier,” Tommy suddenly remarked, causing Ada to look up at him with wide eyes.

“Bloody hell, Tommy! What is he doing now?”

“I don’t know,” Tommy admitted, knocking ash into the ashtray nearby. “I sent Isaiah to watch over him, to keep him out of trouble. Finn blamed me for our brothers’ deaths, but I managed to calm the situation. He stormed out.”

“Christ, Tommy,” Ada exclaimed, shaking her head in disbelief. “Did you at least give him his gun back?”

He shook his head. “I emptied it, and he didn’t take it with him.”

“Well I sure hope he doesn’t find himself in a position where he needs it,” Ada chastised, going back to her paper.

He didn’t say anything to that, but then it made him think maybe he should have made Finn take it before he had run off. “Do you believe I should give one to Esme?”

Ada looked at him thoughtfully. “At least she knows how to use it. I trust her with a gun more than I trust Finn with one. At least Esme knows who to point it at.”

Tommy gave a hum of agreement. If anyone shouldn’t have a gun right now that did, it was surely Aunt Pol. She was full of anger at him, and he knew that anger, alcohol, and guns didn’t mix; Arthur had always been proof of that.

“What are you going to do about Alfie?”

He looked up at her. “What do you mean, Ada? I’m not going to do anything.”

“Why not? Wasn’t he the one who shoot John?”

Tommy took a drag of his cigarette, shaking his head. “It was Ollie, actually… and he seemed scared. I really don’t think he meant to kill John. He was just trying to protect Alfie, and aimed at the wrong place. Alfie doesn’t want a war, and neither do I. I’m not going to do anything.”

She took this in and gave a weak smile. “All right.”

Neither of them said anything else for the next couple hours; they merely enjoyed each other’s company when Tommy finally stood up to leave.

“So who’s watching over you, then?”

He put his jacket and his hat back on. “I’m watchin’ myself, like always.”

She looked at his gun, and then looked back up at him. “Do you have another one on you right now?” There was worry laced in her voice.

Tommy took out the gun from his holster and showed her it before putting it back in its place. “Be safe, Ada.”

“You too, brother,” she smiled at him kindly.

Tommy headed out of her house and looked around, noticing how half his men were standing outside houses, while the other half were inside. It seemed like a drastic measure, he knew, but he didn’t regret placing them there. If he knew his family were safe, then he could sleep at night.

He needed to sleep, but the truth was, he wanted to sleep in the way that both his brothers and his uncle were sleeping, in the ground.

Of course these were thoughts he’d never say aloud, but it felt good to at least acknowledge it to himself. He knew he could be killed at any time, by anybody, and although this fact was a bit terrifying, he also found a strange peace that came with it as well.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like what you're reading, kudos, comment and subscribe so you know when I update :)


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